Where are you from?

As freshman orientation begins at IU and incoming students struggle desperately to walk eight to 10 feet in front of their parents to appear independent and cool, it is also a time for these students to make new friends. \nI recall my days at orientation and remember trying to run through the cycle of questions. Of course, you always start by asking their names and what their major is going to be. Then maybe you'll throw in a bizarre question like, "Do you think the world has gone bad because all the Care Bears have stopped caring?" -- just to show how creative and interesting you are. Finally, without a doubt you'll pull, "Where are you from?" out of the grab-bag. To me, this was always the most interesting of inquiries. \nAs I was leaving the theater building Monday evening, I observed two young ladies giving their introductions outside the Read parking garage. \n"So, where are you from?" one asked the other. \nTo my amusement the other replied, "Michigan," as she held up her right hand and pointed with her left. \nWhy is it that every person from Michigan has to pull out the anatomical road map to show you where they're from? Is it really necessary to make the mitten-hand and point to a location on your palm as you state your town's name? I know where Detroit is. I don't need your Rand McNally skin topography to understand that.\nI think they just want to be special. No other state can do that with nearly as much finesse and poise. Have you ever tried making the state of Texas with your hands? If you have, get a job, because you have too much time on your ... hands (no pun intended). And what about people from the Upper Peninsula? They're kind of screwed. No matter how hard you try, you cannot make your hands into the Upper Peninsula. I just don't think it's fair that the rest of Michigan is being so exclusive. \nHowever, I don't blame them. Maybe the rest of the country just needs to figure out creative ways to express where they're from. For example, it is often a joke that New Jersey is called, "The Armpit of America." So, my suggestion is that all you kids from Jersey start raising your arms, saying, "I'm from Trenton," and proudly point to that glob of built-up deodorant in your pits. \nIt might clarify your location. \nIf by rare chance you're from Hawaii, let me offer the suggestion that freckles, pimples and moles can make for excellent island diagrams. If you're from Iowa, Wyoming, Kansas, Colorado or one of the Dakotas, the back side of a fist makes a fairly decent rectangle. Put your dukes up and show me where Des Moines is. If you think about it, Florida looks like a part of the male anatomy, so fellas, feel free to drop your Levi's, chance the public indecency and show us on your member exactly where Orlando is. \nYou might even get a date out of it, depending on the scale of your map. \nIf I didn't mention your state here, feel free to come up with your own creative idea to show others where you're from. It might sound silly, but I almost can guarantee that it will keep your conversation going and give you a chance to know someone better. Otherwise, it will be the same old boring conclusion. You'll ask that hottie you're sitting next to where they're from, they'll tell you they're from Hubberdedubberville, Vt., and you'll shake your head as if you honestly know where that is, and that will be the end with it. \nMake yourself more interesting, and help our friends from Michigan stop looking so ridiculous.