Bring back beginning bass

I don't know what happened to me last summer. Maybe that Hot Water Music album was just too genius. Maybe that Strokes song was just too catchy. Whatever it was, it consumed me. Something bit; it must have been a Flea.\nBecause I just had to play the bass.\nAdmittedly, it took me a while to come to grips with this undying need to rock. But once I accepted the calling, nothing could stop me from pursuing my craft. I hauled myself right over to South Bend to browse Woodwind & Brasswind, the biggest music store this side of Saturn. It was daunting at first, exposing my layperson naivete in that Mecca of guitars, but Dave the Woodwind staffer was understanding of my beginner's needs, and I trusted him because he had a ponytail. I purchased a royal blue Fender and cradled it all the way home. \nLater that same day, I lost my rock 'n' roll virginity right there in my boyfriend's kitchen. I gave it up to Stephan Richter via his book and CD, "Beginner Bass." Stephan tenderly guided me and my new instrument through exercises one through seven. His recorded notes coaxed me through headphones as I taught my inexperienced fingers where to go.\nI was in love.\n"Beginner Bass" was my new Bible. Each page brought new notes, new techniques and most importantly inspirational pictures of other bass greats -- Steve Harris from Iron Maiden and Duff McKagan from Guns N' Roses. Me? Like Duff? Really?\nSadly, it became apparent over time that one can't build much of a repertoire with "Beginner Bass." My dad still has the heart to request Exercise 11 once in while, but I can't go back there. My set list only goes as far as "Only in Dreams" by Weezer and some assorted pieces of Nirvana. My education is far from complete. Truth be told, I can't even tune the stringed beast.\nSo Stephan, you've got to go. I've outgrown our relationship. I need physical guidance. I need verbal feedback -- someone to tell me how to make the strings quit vibrating, to show me something beyond the seventh fret.\nUnfortunately, I don't have the time or money for lessons right now. What I'm looking for is a class, for credit, with other inexperienced yet driven bass musicians.\nConveniently, the music school used to offer a beginning bass guitar course just two semesters ago. But the nice folks from the guitar department tell me that they had only been doing it in lieu of the jazz department and had to give it up because they had a hard time finding instructors. \nIf this is the case, my request to the jazz department is: Don't let it go. As long as there are people like me, there will always be an interest. A John Paul Jones exists in all of us. With your guidance, we can set him free.\nMy request to fellow bass-bitten comrades is: Don't let your untapped skill go unrealized. Show your gaggle of guitar-playing buddies that you only need four strings to play a hip tune. And if (when!) they do start offering the class, put off biophysics for another semester and sign up for frickin' bass guitar.\nPlease, music community, take pity on a girl with an impossible dream. My bass deserves a future better than the one last year's crochet needles are experiencing under my bed. All you have to do is show me how to hold the thing correctly so I can move on to a complacent life of playing other people's tablature. Next semester, you could fulfill those needs that Stephan didn't satisfy. I can't wait to see you on the schedule.