Too young to worry

We all laugh and make jokes concerning the now infamous dorm porn. But this is not a column about sex in college dormitories. It's about sex in middle schools.\nLast week, ABC News reported the increasing pressure young adults feel to engaged in sexual activities. Someone might think the story was a typical "wait until you're married'' pitch geared towards 17- and 18-year-olds or college students. \nBut this sexual pressure was pertaining to 13-year-olds. Anya Alvarez, a 13-year-old from Tulsa, Okla., agreed to record a video diary for the news program. She admits to worrying about whether to have sex, recalling "an incident with a guy and it wasn't a very good one." \nAlvarez, barely considered a woman, believes this guy " ... didn't care about me. It felt, I just felt dirty, I guess … After that I realized, you know, I wasn't important to him at all."\nIs this a worry a middle schooler should have? Those awkward years seem defined by how we're regarded by our peers, and for middle school girls nowadays, it's a fiercely sharp double-edged sword. \n"There's one girl at our football games that like gave oral sex to five different football players," Alvarez explained. This sexual promiscuity can quickly elevate popularity, but at the same time eradicates respect. For the girls, they become a "slut" while the boys are just being boys. \n"Guys don't get labeled if they have sex with girls," Alvarez said. This concept has been debated and pondered over for ages, but it's one thing when 18-year-olds are doing the contemplating as compared to 12- or 13-year-olds who are just beginning to understand themselves sexually. The lines between peer acceptance and personal choice are blurred into something indistinguishable. \nThe problem is a result of our society's hush-hush attitude toward sex and sexual education. The old conservative debate arises, and parents feel if we tell kids about sex, they'll experiment. If we don't talk about it, they won't do anything.\nHmm, yeah, that seems like a real winning argument. \nWell, sex is everywhere and every kid knows about or has some hint of it. Without proper early education, it becomes a forbidden fruit, and teens and pre-teens will use it to rebel.\nOn www.abcnews.com, it was reported that two 12-year-old students had oral sex in their science class while classmates watched. I don't think these were amorous star-crossed lovers proving their devotion for one other. They were making a show, impressing their peers by doing what they knew they shouldn't be. \nThe key is to teach kids early. Education programs through school are good but through parents is better. Sex educator Deborah Roffman wrote, "Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking About Sex" in attempt to help parents with the awkward task of talking to their children about sex. \n"If there was smallpox in the street, we wouldn't say, 'Oh, I'm too uncomfortable with that subject.' We would figure out a way to get through our discomfort, and talk to them in the ways that they need for us to talk to them," Roffman said.\nNickelodeon is also smartly making efforts to make sex less of a taboo subject. On their Web site, www.nick.com, parent/child sex talks are highly encouraged. The site addresses parents saying, "It is important that they understand that sexual relationships involve caring, concern and responsibility. By discussing both the physical and emotional aspects of relationships, your child will be better informed to make decisions later on."\nThese steps and strides have to be made in order for pre-teens and teens to see that sex isn't something to use for popularity or rebellion. The more comfortable our society becomes in handling the subject, the fewer pressures youth will have regarding their own sexuality.