My precious title

In the next week, movie fans and fantasy geeks will be nearing the end of a long awaited return. On Dec. 18, the second installment of "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy will thunder into theaters with the strength of the Battle at Helmsdeep. \nThe sequel, "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers," has some large Hobbit feet to fill. It has to compete with the record breaking gross of $313,364,000 for the first installment in U.S. theaters alone. "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" was an instant success and was nominated for numerous Academy Awards, including Best Director and Best Film. In the home theater, it has spawned a total of six discs worth of DVD material. "The Lord of the Rings" gathers fans from all walks of life, from fantasy newbies to hardcore guys-who-dress-up-as-Gandalf-on-a-regular-basis fans. It would seem that everyone loves these films and that "The Two Towers" is going to continue to delight young and old.\nBut there are always going to be troublemakers.\nThe Two Towers Protest Organization launched a protest of the film before it even became bootlegged. Unlike others upset with the "Lord of the Rings" movie franchise, arguing over the lack of Tom Bombadil footage, the Two Towers Protest Organization has a somewhat reasonable qualm with the film. Its title.\nThe Two Towers Protest Organization started its boycott because it believes that "… the name of this movie will undoubtedly cause a return of the emotions felt on Sept. 11…" The very naming of the film "The Two Towers" not only will make innocent viewers remember the tragedy of Sept. 11, but will also be an insult to all Americans. From their site, www.twotowersprotest.org, "… we believe that Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema's actions are in fact hate speech. The movie is intentionally being named 'The Two Towers' in order to capitalize on the tragedy of September 11…" Nevermind the fact that J.R.R. Tolkien wrote the novel The Two Towers before most of our grandparents were born. Nevermind that all three installments were filmed and finished before Sept. 11. Those anti-American idiots at New Line are obviously trying to cash in on a national tragedy.\nTo most sensible people, the renaming of "The Two Towers" would be idiotic, not to mention that the film has been promoted under that name for almost a year. Changing it almost one week (or 148 hours, for you diehard fans) before its theatrical release would definitely be impossible. What would happen if the incredibly insensitive name "The Two Towers" wasn't changed in time?\n"… We believe that if they will not willingly change the name, the government should step in to stop the movie's production or to force a name change …"\nThat's right. The government that was taken by surprise by the real two towers incident now is responsible for changing the title in the fake two towers incident. Even if the House passed a bill today attempting to change the film's title, there's no way in Mordor that it could be resolved in time. But, if it was, can't you just imagine the dialogue?\nGimli: "Well, we're off to conquer the evil of the Tower of Saruman the White and later that…uh… other thing…"\nLegolas: "What 'other thing,' Gimli?"\nGimli: "Uh, you know…Sauron has that, you know, other tall building thingy…where evil dwells…it's really high."\nActually, dialogue like that could be interesting. At a running time of 179 minutes, "The Two Towers" could use a point in the movie where we all could take a quick bathroom break.