I found myself musing over the government warning on the back of a beer bottle recently: "Consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery …"\nCould there really be somebody out there who doesn't actually know that?\nConsider the following product warnings posted on www.dumbwarnings.com -- Jolly Rancher: "Careful: small objects, like hard candies, may inadvertently become lodged in the throat." Hershey's Almond Bar: "Warning: may contain traces of nuts." Bayer Aspirin: "Do not take if allergic to aspirin." Energizer AAA 4 Pack: "If swallowed, promptly see doctor." Jonsered Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with hands."\nThey're funny, but we shouldn't be laughing. They reflect a compensation culture where lawsuits have degraded from the potentially justified to the completely ridiculous.\nIn 1992, 79-year-old Stella Liebeck was sitting in the passenger seat of her grandson's car attempting to pull the plastic lid off a cup of coffee purchased from a McDonald's drive-thru (the car was not moving and she was not driving as is often reported). In the process, she managed to spill the entire contents into her lap. The result was third-degree burns over 6 percent of her body. A jury ordered McDonald's to pay Liebeck $2.7 million in compensation, which was ultimately reduced to $480,000 on appeal.\nA similar case saw Veronica and Darrin Martin of Knoxville, Tenn., file a $125,000 lawsuit against McDonald's in 1999 after Mrs. Martin suffered a second-degree burn to the chin when a hot pickle slipped out of the hamburger she was eating. She sought $110,000 in damages, while her husband was suing for a further $15,000 for being "deprived of the services and consortium of his wife."\nFinally, and most recently, a group of overweight people are attempting to sue several fast food chains for knowingly serving them meals that cause obesity. Caesar Barbar, one of the plaintiffs who regularly ate fast food for 10 years, told the New York Post, "I always thought it was good for you. I never thought there was anything wrong with it … the fast food industry has wrecked my life."\nThe Liebeck case resulted in the labeling we now see on many hot beverages such as, "Warning: contents may be hot," and the Martin case demonstrates why similar warnings have appeared on food items intended to be served hot. Can we now expect to see "Excessive consumption of crappy food makes you fat" on fast food packaging?\nBlatantly obvious product warnings are attempts made by companies to defuse future litigation. They're not meant to function as warnings at all and have become nonsensical as a consequence. Indeed, many are parodies of cautionary instructions.\nPart of me doesn't blame businesses for placing such idiotic warnings on their products to protect themselves from the suing public. Considering the grounds that many lawsuits seem to be filed on these days (i.e., "McDonald's made me fat"), the existence of labeling that assumes customer stupidity is also not surprising -- e.g., American Airlines peanuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." Heinz Ketchup: "Instructions: put on food." Dial Soap: "Directions: use like regular soap." Ansell Condoms: "Do not return used condoms to the manufacturer through the mail."\nI don't endorse this attitude, and it's depressing things have come to this. But whether through greed, irresponsibility or being plain dumb, it's hard not to think we deserve it.
