For students, quality time with families fades in months following Sept. 11

America stopped one year ago, and phones rang. Uncertainty gripped the nation and everyone wanted to hear a reassuring voice on the other side of the line telling them everything was OK. Family relationships changed as Americans reevaluated their lives and the world.\nBefore the attacks, typical American families had relaxed and informal relationships, said Robert Billingham, an expert on family relationships and IU associate professor in applied health science. Although Americans valued their relatives, they "took each other for granted and 'assumed' that they would always be there," he said.\nIn the weeks following the tragedy, families realized how uncertain life can be.\n"Our family members could disappear from our lives for no apparent reason as well," Billingham said. "We returned to an appreciation for our family and felt closer to them."\nTears were not the only obvious sign of change in family values. Instead of enjoying the semester breaks they had planned, some students canceled their vacation plans to be with their families while others called home more frequently.\nFor some students Sept. 11 hardly affected their family relations. \n"I don't think (my family relationships) changed at all (after the attacks)" junior Jeff Mansfield said. "They don't live here, but I talked to them every week and sent them e-mails back and forth."\nThe attacks also had little effect on the families that lived closer together. \n"My definition of family is a lot different than what most people's is," freshman Carolyn Chan said. "My immediate family includes aunts, uncles and cousins. We were close to begin with; I lived a few houses away from them."\nA year has passed, and students continue to call their parents. But the significance of family is fading.\n"Now students are interested in social life and 'family financial matters,' rather than thinking about social involvement," Billingham said. "For those whose lives and families were directly affected by the attack, their lives will never be the same, and how they view relationships and family relationships are delicate and fragile."\nThe majority of the nation was affected indirectly from the tragedy and will therefore recover easier than those who had direct ties.\n"The people I knew that had relatives or friends in the service made them afraid of losing many of their relatives," freshman April Lewandowski said.\nBut Billingham said these wounds are likely to heal with time.\n"The further away the rest of us get from the event (both in physical distance and in time, one year, two years), our lives, and the lives of our children will return very closely to the pre 9/11 attitudes and behaviors," he said.\nChan said he felt differently about the attacks because he was somewhat disconnected from New York.\n"I lived in California, so a lot of people didn't have family in New York," Chan said. "It was very surreal."\nForgetting and dismissing the events of Sept. 11 seems unlikely for those who experienced and remember that day, but time will pass and the world will return to normal, Billingham said. The younger children will remember the day as nothing more than another piece of history. \n"World War II had a profound effect on the lives of people who lived through it, but their children and grandchildren see it only as history," Billingham said. "Such will be the same with our children and grandchildren."\nIt is natural and acceptable to move past the pain that comes from tragic events, and the same is true about returning to normalcy. Sept. 11 brought some families closer together, but its regression does not mean the recovery process is decaying. \n"I think a 'return to normal' is both healthy and perfectly normal human development," Billingham said. "Think of all the major natural and man-made disasters throughout history. All of these are the cause of reflection and introversion early on, but that gives way to a return to 'everyday' behavior. This is as it should be"