The 'Halo' addiction

Although "Halo" came out for the Xbox some eight months ago I'm still addicted. The game is like digitally rendered smack. I take a hit, come down and return asking for more. It's as though I'm shooting up this first-person shooter.\nAm I being melodramatic? Perhaps. But "Halo" has altered my life in ways few other things can. Personal hygiene, healthy eating and sleep patterns and my sex life have all suffered at the hands of this wonderfully crafted game. That\'s right folks; I've turned down lovin'in order to partake in a late night "Halo" session. And, as any college student can attest, it's rare for a 20-year-old man to turn down sex -- thus the power of "Halo."\nWith such respected celebrities as Billy Joel and David "Knight Rider" Hasselhoff just entering stints in rehab it begs the question -- Where does this leave me? I'm every bit as addicted to this game as Hasselhoff is to the hooch and Joel is to whatever the hell it is he\'s had problems with. Perhaps I should look into intervention? Is there any sort of 12-step program that will help quell my obsession with "Halo?"\nWhere Hasselhoff and Joel had severe morale boosters during their heydays of the '80s (i.e. Kit the talking car and Christie Brinkley, respectively). I had a faux Superman cape, He-Man action figures and the unwavering love of my mother. Mom, I love you, but it isn\'t any competition. These dudes had the mad hook-up over me. \nToday, Joel and Hasselhoff have very little to brag about. Hasselhoff is the brain trust behind "Baywatch," and while his female co-stars' phony breasts are every bit as technologically advanced as Kit they\'re nowhere near as cool. \nThe only boasts Joel can make now are that he was once married to Brinkley. He produced the best music of his career over 20 years ago, and the last truly rockin\' single he had was "We Didn\'t Start the Fire." \nNo wonder these dudes have been reduced to hitting the sauce or doing blow. They might have been far cooler than me in the \'80s, but when the great fall, they fall hard. I was a dork in the \'80s, and I\'m a dork now. No fall at all sure beats the hell out of a fall from grace.\nIn order to overcome my addiction to "Halo," I\'ve come up with a few worthwhile activities to fill my "former" videogaming time. I want to enact the Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes Foundation in order to pay proper respect to the late TLC diva. Every year from now on when Lopes' death date rolls around I propose that everyone in the continental United States wear a condom over his or her left eye. Talk about a stirring tribute -- every man, woman and child across this fine nation wearing a prophylactic over their peeper. \nOther worthwhile activities could include starting the sorely lacking IU Lawn Dart Club (illegality be damned!), reading the Kama Sutra (any woman spurred in the wake of my "Halo" addiction deserves extra special attention assuming she/they are still interested) and hell, why not take a shower (making the possibility of getting laid far more viable) and have a decent meal -- that'd make Mom happy!\nI've always been a dork and in all likelihood I'll always be a dork, however, redemption is in my sights.