So, what is a Hoosier anyway?

After reading many opinions on the possible future of IU athletics, and how it will present itself to the world, I have taken it upon myself to give the esteemed officials of the president's office and the athletic department to research possible mascots with a Hoosier theme. \nI humbly submit my suggestions; they are as follows:\n1. Send a survey to the students at the University of Wisconsin and ask them what they think. Apparently, they dress up as the Hoosier mascot (or some hateful facsimile thereof) every year before the two teams meet. Perhaps they could tell us what our mascot is.\n2. Ask the IU bowling team (yes, there is a club bowling team) to borrow their mascot during the football and basketball seasons. Herbie the robot is cute enough, and could sure inspire fear in the hearts of opposing Big Ten mascots. A freshly built bowling robot vs. a 2000 year old Spartan? The robot will bowl him over, clamps down.\n3. We could dress up Coach Davis in a superhero costume and let him run through the stands during timeouts and halftime. His assistant coaches can coach the team during play breaks.\n4. Investigate using a mythological character for the mascot. I don't think anyone is using Cerberus right now, He could do big things for IU. If a three-headed dog that normally guards the gates of Hell takes the time to cheer on the Hoosiers, we won't have to worry about opposing fans coming to visit and cheering so loudly.\n5. Hold a coloring contest for the local elementary school students and have them design a new mascot. Nothing is sweeter than the innocence of childhood, right? And even if the talented tyke doesn't use a bit of red (excuse me, crimson) crayon in his or her drawing, it will be so cute that opponents will be too busy reminiscing about kindergarten to score. (Is there such a thing as a crimson crayon?)\n6. Make the IU mascot a likeness of some Indiana natural disaster. Like a tornado, or a hail storm. Just make sure you attach the school color to the storm. How cool would it be to be the crimson hailstorm? Or perhaps a man-made disaster is more suitable. We could be the IU Higher Education Budget Cuts. Schools everywhere would run from that one.\n7. Bring back the Hoosier hick (introduced in 1979) with a little makeover. Give him a killer pitchfork, teach him to fight, put up his dukes, and we could be the fighting hoosiers! Notre Dame wouldn't be the only school in the state with an ethnically offensive mascot and name. (Hey, YOU try wearing a fighting irish t-shirt in Ireland!)\nWith all of these insanely stupid ideas, I hope I made a serious point. NO one knows what a Hoosier actually is, so we should be proud of what it has become. A Hoosier is a resident of this state. A Hoosier is a student at IU. Every one of this state's five million or so people is a Hoosier, no matter what color they are, where they came from, or who's their daddy. Other people can make fun if they want, but how many other state schools have such a history tied to their name? There are no Ibises left in Miami (The university's mascot, although named the hurricanes, is a cross between Popeye and the stork; it is an ibis with a pipe in its mouth.) The Washington Husky is now a household pet, Ohio State's mascot is a tree seed, and Wake Forest's Demon Deacons are just silly. Indiana's Hoosiers are still here, and still making a difference in the world.\nSo I ask the Athletics department to let the greatest IU tradition stand. We already have a mascot. We have had one since 1820. \nThe students of IU are still here, and they are still cheering. WE are the Hoosiers.