Plastic surgery perplexities

For over three years now I have been considering breast implants.\nYes, I have seen the "True Life" on MTV about the girl who got them and they were two different sizes. I have listened to the words of plastic surgery professionals who all promise that the pain is often worse than birthing a child.\nI have read the tales of terror about silicone leaking to parts of the body far away from the preferred chest location. One Web site, www.breast-implant-risks.com details risks associated with breast implants -- just a small piece of the plethora of information on the Internet that should deter people in search of silicone alteration.\nI know that as a strong, liberated woman I don't ever need to alter myself for any standard or perception. But for some reason I keep coming back to the thought that if only I could make them just a little bigger. \nI can only speculate as to the ridiculous messages from society, media, males, peers and my own perceptions of the way a good body should be that have planted the idea in my head that this is how I need to look.\nWhy is it that so many feel compelled to have that perfect hourglass figure? \nI know it isn't healthy and there are so many cons that the pros just don't make the process worth it. Even so, I think if someone handed me $6,000 today, (and all my credit card bills were paid off) I would waltz into the office of the best surgeon in Indiana and have it done without hesitation.\nThe Michael Jackson special on CBS Jan. 9 with Britney Spears motivated me a little bit more in the other direction. Jackson is the epitome of plastic surgery gone wrong and the lack of self-esteem and self-worth that often drives people "under the knife."\nAnd to me to the self-esteem of a person like Jackson, who, as the King of Pop, should be on top of the world, is a sad, sad case. If "The Man" himself feels this way, what about the average looking middle class girl in suburban America with a subscription to Cosmopolitan and size A chest?\nThere are no solid reasons why I should want to alter my chest. I know a million reasons not to and not one valid one to actually do it. All I can come up with is that like so many others who pile on the makeup and wax everything, I just want to look as good as I possibly can for reasons that are so shallow I don't even want to admit I adhere to them.\n So how do you rise above the standards that suggest you have to alter your body? I have been trying for three years and I still want to have bigger boobs before spring break. It is sick, I know…but it is reality. It is time people like me, lost in this world of how people should look, truly assess the standards of this society and its various sources of influence and rise above them.\nIt is less than three months until spring break and I am struggling to begin my yearly tanning and work-out ritual so that I can look my best -- without implants. \nIf only I had that $6,000…