Learn from Mexico's manners

Last summer, I studied for six weeks in Cuernavaca, Mexico. Cuernavaca, the capital of the state of Morelos, is a moderately populated city located about 60 miles to the southwest of Mexico City. One of the first things I noticed about Mexico (apart from the huge orange cloud of pollution that hovers over Mexico City) was the hospitality of the people. \nEveryone in my group was enrolled in a program that was offered to foreign students by the office of international affairs at Instituto Technologico De Studos Superiores de Monterrey (also know as "the TEC"). ITESM, a private school in Mexico, is the largest private education system in the world -- there is a campus in almost every state in Mexico. Being a very prestigious school, the student body draws from middle and upper-middle class families. \nThe things I am going to say in this column are based on my experiences in Mexico and do not in any way apply to all Mexicans or to Mexican culture in general.\nHearing stories from my mother and father, I've noticed that the women of today (especially young women) do not enjoy as much respect and courtesy as they used to. "Back in the day," as my parents say, men wouldn't curse in front of women and were very courteous with different tasks (i.e,. opening doors or carrying books). Today, I rarely see that when I walk around campus. I'll let you be the judge and decide whether we have changed for the better or for the worse. In Mexico, however, a courtesy and respect for women -- similar to the customs my parents grew up with -- is still maintained. On the campus of the TEC, I noticed that men would often carry the book bags of female students and nearly every woman would be greeted with a friendly hug and kiss, which was then followed by some question like "How's your day going?"\nAt IU people barely say "hi" to one another. It took me a while to adapt to this tradition of courtesy in Mexico, but I realized that it wasn't an option, rather an obligation to show this respect to women. One time, I forgot to hug and kiss a girl on campus so she gave me one. Also, a man is expected to offer up his seat immediately before allowing a woman to stand on a bus. As my time progressed in Cuernavaca, I began to enjoy this affectionate tradition and I noticed that my American classmates did as well. \nAnother tradition is the use of "excuse me." Unless, we're in special situations (dinner with important people or attending an upscale event) we Americans do not have great manners. I call the Mexican system of manners the "excuse me" tradition because learning how to use the expression "excuse me" in Spanish is one of the most difficult things to master. There are three ways to say excuse me in Spanish: (con) permiso, perdón and disculpe. The trick is to figure out when to use each one. For example, when you leave a dinner table, the only thing you can say is permiso or con permiso because perdón and disculpe wouldn't work. \nNevertheless, the linguistics is not as important as the motivation behind the phrase. Mexicans say, "excuse me" a lot more than Americans do and maybe that doesn't bother you, but I wonder if it would hurt to say it more often. Life is much faster here than in Mexico and we often forget to be as mannerly as we can, but it would be a great goal to make our society a little more courteous and respectful.