Curing summertime boredom

I'm bored.\nThis isn't right. Joe Grace is not supposed to get bored. Joe Grace is supposed to be chasing wild chipmunks. Joe Grace is supposed to be rolling down hills collecting chiggers on his merry way. Joe Grace is not supposed to be writing in the third person -- but he is doing it anyway.\nI am suffering from an extreme bout of summer laziness, and it's not even officially summer yet. This must stop. It's just not okay to lie around all day wondering about things like, "If I let my fingernails grow out long enough, will I no longer need to use a fork?"\nI suppose I could get a job to supplement the eight dollars a week I make with the IDS, but that would require leaving my house, and I can't see that happening any time soon. There's nothing quite like living at home to completely zap all the energy out of you. Yesterday, I actually took three naps. One day that will be in the Guinness Book of Pathetic Records.\nEverybody needs a project to do over the summer. Something to invigorate the soul, lift up the spirit, quench the mind and most importantly waste time until school starts full-time again. My original plan was to see how many times I could beat solitaire, but I had to delete that evil game off my computer when I started to fantasize about playing it during class toward the end of the semester. I don't need a therapist to tell me there's something inherently wrong about mixing fantasies and card games. So there went that plan.\nLuckily, the wonderful people at Voron Communications are just as bored as I am and created a website dedicated to giving advice to bored students on summer vacation. (Yes, Voron would most definitely be a great name for a cartoon bad guy. He would have fur, fangs and Mickey Mouse ears. Very terrifying.)\n1. Maintain good habits/develop self-discipline: If taking naps three times a day is a good habit, I've got this one in the proverbial bag of sleeping dust. I'm not really sure how one goes about developing self-discipline, but if it has anything to do with the Fox Network, I am so there. (Next week on Fox: When Humor Columnists Attack)\n2. Organize yourself: The stuff lying on my floor is clutter. The stuff lying on my desk is important clutter. Organization.\n3. Determine personal goals: I hope one day to get the theme song to, "I Dream of Genie" completely out of my head.\n4. Conduct a career search: Let's see. Job openings for professional humor columnists. Oh, wait. There aren't any. I'm in a field with zero demand. There is probably more need for professional mongoose trainers. Maybe I should consider a career change. I could be the president of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, Inc. The business cards alone would make the job worthwhile. \n5. Practice teamwork: My stuffed bear will nap at the end of the bed. My stuffed dog will nap on my desk chair. I'll nap in the middle of the bed. And my cat will nap on the stuffed bear. Teamwork.\n6. Create something: The last time I was allowed to have glue and scissors at the same time, Director of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge, put the nation on yellow alert. For the good of the country, I should not be allowed near arts and crafts.\n7. Learn self-defense: Here is my money. Please go away. Self-defense.\nIf those seven ideas don't cure summertime boredom, you can always chase chipmunks. Or Tom Ridge.