My first date

A great tragedy befell America Tuesday, Sept. 11, but that doesn't mean that wonderful, exciting and even humorous things stop happening, nor should it.\nFor example, embarrassing as it is for me to say this, I went on my first date Wednesday afternoon. I would love to say how it went, but honestly, at the moment, I have no idea. I'm guessing this is probably because I\'m writing this column on the Tuesday night before. Man, I hate deadlines.\nNow, one has to wonder how a funny, nice, Heath Ledger look-alike like me (hopefully, they don't put my picture next to the column this time) has never been on a date. It was actually quite easy. It consisted of me being too shy to ask girls out, and girls not recognizing my existence.\nSeriously, one time during Home Economics in middle school I was making a chocolate cake with three of the girls from the cheerleading team (don't ask me how this happened...my guess was that they were being punished for talking during Mrs. Baum's directions).\nAnyway, I smeared fudge underneath my eyes, turned to the girls, and said, "Hey look. I'm a football player. You all want me, don't ya?"\nFor some odd reason they totally ignored my valid question.\nIt was as if I wasn't even there.\nActually, I did ask a young woman out before. In response, she turned pale as Michael Jackson and walked back inside her door. I thought about knocking on the door to ask whether that was a yes or no, but Jiminy Cricket jumped on my shoulder before I could knock and made it clear to me that she wasn't interested.\nHe then slapped me in the face. I thought that was uncalled for.\nAt the moment, I'm a little nervous. Wait, I think I made a mistake there. Yup, I sure did.\nI just looked in Webster's Dictionary and it turns out "little" does not mean "so nervous I've about chewed through the end of my pen faster than those little squirrels around here which some people refer to as chipmunks, but I prefer to call little squirrels".\nOK, so I'm a little more than a little nervous. I don't see what I'm so worried about. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?\nScenario: Were at the restaurant and having a wonderful discussion when I suddenly develop a case of amnesia and cant remember what on earth we were talking about. She asks me if I agree with what she just said. \nI respond, "Of course the little squirrels are going to take over the school led by none other the biggest little squirrel of all: Bobby Knight."\nThat's probably not the worst that could happen, but I'm willing to bet it's the most embarrassing.\nMy face will turn red at times during the date, at other times my tongue will be tied more than a pretzel (ooh...good metaphor there Joe...that's gonna earn you a Pulitzer), but I'm expecting to have a nice time and I hope my date will, too.\nThey say that laughter is the best medicine and if I'm lucky, some of you had a decent chuckle at my expense, and if that makes people feel better, I'm willing to make fun of myself at any and all times. Even during the worst times, there's always a glimmer of hope and at least a tiny little something to laugh about. That's all I want to say.