I still know what I did last summer

Back in the hallowed days of grade school, it was not uncommon to begin the year with an essay explaining in detail the various events that made up your summer. Fortunately, now that we are in college, this is not an english class requirement. I say fortunately because in the words of my good friend Klaus Von Utenduten, summer is that "three month hole where something must have happened… but I just can't put my finger on it."\nHowever, I can put my finger on it, because I still know what I did last summer. And I am going to write it down before I forget what I did. So here, complete with eight pages of action packed photos, is the story of my summer. (Sorry about the photos -- they fell through at the last minute. Really.)\nThe summer started off in rather dull fashion, as I spent the majority of my time at my job as a sanitation engineer in Cicero, Illinois. However, cleaning out porta-potties was not my forte, so I decided to volunteer for the Peace Corps. This once-in-a-lifetime opportunity allowed me to spend three weeks distributing porridge at a leper colony in Liechtenstein.\nOnce my volunteering stint was completed, I came back to my friends and I decided that a road trip was in order. We packed my buddy's 1978 AMC Gremlin and headed to the Mitchell Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota for the NCAA Bocceball Championships. In the exciting final match we witnessed Gustavus Adolphus edge Slippery Rock for the crown.\nUnfortunately, the Gremlin broke down before we could make it back out of Mitchell. After figuring out that the repairs actually cost more than the car itself, me and my peeps decided that an alternate mode of transportation was necessary. So we rented a hot air balloon and intended on riding the trade winds back home. \nBut an occluded front stalled us in the capital of Canada, Ottawa. Not being a group to pass up a golden opportunity; we went to the headquarters of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and hung the Canadian flag upside down. This action caused us to be deported. \nMy actions did not go unnoticed by the government though. In fact, the CIA was so impressed by my daring act of bravado that they hired me to go on a recon mission in St. Vincent & the Grenadines. (That's a country, not the name of a band). I was successfully able to complete my task of finding the chief export of the nation, which happens to be bananas.\nAs a reward for my efforts, I received a free ticket to a Backstreet Boys concert. Alas, my dream of seeing whatever song it is that made them famous performed live in concert was shattered when CJ or AJ or what ever that guy's name is went to rehab to recover from the rigors of being stalked by thousands of 14 year old girls.\nLuckily, my employers were able to make up for this loss by getting me to take batting practice with the Cubs at Wrigley Field. While I was there I engaged in a friendly home run derby with Sammy Sosa and Cubs shortstop Auggie Ojeda. I was on pace to win, but Ojeda hit a monstrous shot that reached the centerfield scoreboard. (For those baseball fans wondering who was on the mound, it was Cubs reliever Felix Heredia).\nAfter all of this action, I was finally able to close the summer on a good note as my girlfriend (who is a lingerie model) and I went to see the smash-hit comedy Cats and Dogs on the big screen. Unfortunately, it was already on video. Still, this critic is calling Jeff Goldblum's performance "extraordinary." \nOK, I've gotta be honest. None of this actually happened to me. But at least the story was realistic.