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Friday, March 29
The Indiana Daily Student

How real writers work

Writing is my hobby. "Real" writers sometimes get mad when I tell them that. I write novels, and get them published if I'm lucky, but I don't consider myself the stereotypical novelist. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't drink myself sick every night. I don't have talent. And although I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me, I don't think that it misunderstands me to the point that I'm driven to a typewriter. \nMy first novel is coming out next month, and despite some rather humorous setbacks (the book is called "Angel on the Lost Highway" but both bn.com and borders.com have it available for preorder under "Angel on the Last Highway"), I'm having a good time. \nIt's sort of fun doing the promotions. I'm not angry about it coming out. I'm not upset because people will read it and miss the point. I don't really care. \nBut I would like to address the "tortured soul" mystique that surrounds writers and artists. Now why does the act of writing a few short stories turn someone into a chain-smoking whiskey drinker? I know a lot of people who define themselves as "writers" or "painters" but never really write or paint. The poet Charles Bukowski said God created a lot of poets but not much poetry, and I agree. The guys walking around with angry looks and berets are too busy looking mad to write. On my best days, I write for two hours. I usually spend more time eating than writing. But I don't define myself as a "food consumer." Why, then, would I want to be defined as a writer? \nI have one major gripe about books and writing. I'm a bibliophile, and read just about anything I can get my hands on. I'm the Charlie Sheen of the library. \nBut I hate literature classes. Professors have taken some of the most rebellious and messed up minds of the times and turned them into something that puts people to sleep. I grew up reading classics, and most of those authors were nuts. It infuriates me to see them beaten to death is some classroom. \nI'm not a big music fan, but let me use this example. Can you listen to Nirvana in a classroom? It's meant to be listened to by angry teenagers in a locked bedroom or basement, or by a 16-year-old kid driving and pounding the steering wheel. Can you imagine your grandchildren taking a Nirvana class? Having some guy with elbow patches tear down the "meaning" of the lyrics kind of misses the point.\nAnd what is with creative writing classes? They have ruined a generation of writers. Writing isn't a Jedi-apprentice relationship. A writer has to feel that he or she is the creator, not the created. A lot of talented writers go to workshops, have their short stories torn apart and lose all confidence. \nA generation of writers is afraid to take chances because they might face ridicule. Besides, writing short stories doesn't prepare you to write a novel. Nobody gets ready for a tennis match by playing pingpong. \nIf you want to write a book, sit down and write it. Don't worry about what anybody says. If it's bad -- and the first one probably will be -- sit down and write another one. The difference between the good authors and the bad boils down to how badly they want to write. People tell me they don't have time to write or read and then ask me if I saw last night's episode of "Friends." \nMy first book isn't the next "Moby Dick." It probably won't sell many copies and won't be on any book clubs. But it's out there. It might get a few bad reviews, but so what? It's always better to be in the ring than in the stands, even if you're getting your butt kicked.

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