"Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing our savior, Barack Obama!"
“Thank you, thank you,” Obama says as he strolls out onto his $2 million victory stage.
“Welcome to the Obama Election Night Party, brought to you by
MasterCard. There are some things in life money can’t buy. An election
isn’t one of them.”
“You know, it is a great honor to be standing here tonight in my hometown of Chicago.
Isn’t it great to have defeated George W. Bush and his failed policies?”
A cheer rises from the press section.
“I don’t think I could have done it without you,” he says, winking to
his left at David Heller, managing director at Goldman Sachs.
“We have a lot of hope and change to talk about, but before I get
started, let me first thank some people. Thank you, Tony Rezko. I
couldn’t have made it here without the $168,000 you raised for me early
on. You were there before my other big donors.
“Thank you to the banking industry. Especially you, Fannie Mae. In just
four years in the Senate, you’ve already given me more money than you
give most Congressmen in 20 years.
“I’d like to thank some individual citizens now. Pro Doodad. Good Will.
John Galt of 1957 Ayn Rand Lane. You are the backbone of my publicly
financed campaign!
“People like you, who donated without having your identities verified
by the credit card companies, have together raised over $160 million in
unreported small donations.
Those small donations contributed to my more than $400 million total.
“And now let me introduce the next president, er, vice president, Joe Biden... You know, you can clap for him.”
“Hi, guys,” he says. “My speech is brought to you by foreign policy:
it’s so easy, a caveman can do it. And we need to keep it that way,
because let me tell you something: I guarantee there will be an
international crisis now that Obama is elected.
