84 items found for your search. If no results were found please broaden your search.
(02/01/05 5:05am)
In my last column I listed the reasons why I thought Philadelphia had the worst fans in all of sports and why I thought they did not deserve a championship. Somehow my column made its way to the City of Brotherly Love and quickly circulated, leaving me with a brand-new audience, a few new "friends" and a full inbox on Webmail. So I thought I'd share some of the more interesting e-mails I received from people last week and my responses to them.
(01/25/05 4:48am)
It's been a good year for sports in Massachusetts. The Red Sox finally won the World Series, and now the Patriots are in position to win back-to-back Super Bowls and their third in four years. Note to fans: In the New England area, that sensation you've never felt before? It's called happiness, enjoy it. \nWith all this success, it should be difficult to keep pulling for those teams and their fans, given that everyone loves an underdog. So when the Patriots suit up in Jacksonville, Fla., to play Philadelphia in two Sundays at Super Bowl XXXIX, will I be rooting for the Eagles' titleless franchise and their fans? Not a chance.\nI'll root for a team from Philadelphia when there are ice skaters on the River Styx, Tupac stops making albums and Jessica Simpson's IQ breaks the 50-point barrier. \nTruthfully, I don't have much to complain about regarding the actual teams in the City of Brotherly Love. I love the way Donovan McNabb plays, I'm a big Jim Thome guy, and if Kyle Korver would stop trying to be Ashton Kutcher and just cut his hair, I could get behind him, too. Really I have nothing against Philadelphia itself. I like G-Love, am a sucker for a good cheesesteak and still get inspired when watching "Rocky."\nSo why so much hatred for Philly teams? Easy. They have the worst fans in all of sports -- period. They are the kind of fans that boo until they pass out, then wake up and keep going. These people are so bad, they don't deserve a championship.\nYou want examples of how horrible these morons are? I've got 'em:\nIn 1999, fans jeered Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin as he lay on the field for 20 minutes suffering from a neck injury that ended his career. As they showed the replay inside the stadium, fans cheered as it became obvious that Irvin had been seriously injured. I'm not the biggest Michael Irvin supporter, but come on guys, that's harsh even for me. Plus, if his career wouldn't have ended there, maybe we wouldn't have to see those ridiculous outfits he wears on ESPN. \nThat same year, fans pelted St. Louis Cardinals outfielder J.D. Drew with D batteries because he refused to sign with the Phillies out of college the previous year. Gee, I wonder why on earth he didn't want to play in front of that crowd 81 games a year.\nAlso in 1999, Matthew Scott, the only person in the United States to receive a hand transplant, was asked by the Phillies to throw out the first pitch at the team's home opener. The pitch, from his transplanted hand, barely dribbled over home plate. The sensitive fans showed their sympathy by booing Scott off the field. \nFormer Eagles kicker Mark Moseley returned to Philadelphia as a member of the Washington Redskins and was promptly hit on the head with a bottle tossed from the stands.\nWant more memorable moments from Philly fans? They booed the drafting of franchise savior Donovan McNabb; they wanted Akili Smith or Ricky Williams. But hey, can you blame them? Akili and Ricky are having great careers, right? How about when they booed local hero, perennial all-star and hall-of-famer Mike Schmidt until he cried during a slump in the early '80s, or when the violence and public intoxication was so bad at Veterans Stadium in 1997 that the city actually opened a jail -- complete with a courtroom and judge -- inside the stadium. \nHey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe we could all sit back and enjoy a game in Philly with their fans like anywhere else. That is, unless you're wearing a red suit and cap while trying to spread joy to children, of course. Yes, even jolly old St. Nick fell victim to the fans in Philly, as Eagles fans famously blasted Santa Claus with a shower of snowballs at halftime of a game. The rotund Kringle impersonator circled the field helplessly before stadium officials were forced to rescue him.\nI hope Santa gets his revenge on Philadelphia fans and they get football's equivalent to a lump of coal: a loss.
(01/19/05 4:51am)
I hate to say I told you so. Wait a minute -- no I don't. \nBack in a November article, I warned, "If Peyton Manning's defensive counterparts don't figure something out, Colts fans will once again be disappointed come playoff time." I can't help it if I'm a genius. That's just who I am. Sunday, as I watched the Patriots dismantle the Colts 20-3, I couldn't help but laugh at what I had seen during the past week.\nEvery newscast had something about the Colts stopping in Foxboro on their way to the championship. The local media had all but anointed the Colts as the next Super Bowl champions, not to mention the national sportscasters obviously drinking from the same Colts Kool-Aid. Had they simply forgotten that the Patriots had won six straight against the Colts? That Peyton was 0-6 at Foxboro? Or that Tom Brady was 6-0 all time in the postseason? \nAlso at fault are Colts fans. This week I heard one fan refer to their opponent as the "Gaytriots" and another talk about how this game wouldn't even be close because Peyton had finally become the best player in the NFL. Interesting logic, but wasn't he the MVP last year, too? I also heard endless stories about how the Colts had heart, how great a team they are and how badly they wanted this one. Yeah, and I want a quiet night alone with Jessica Alba, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen.\nSo now, after the Patriots have shown the Colts what a real team is, the tone must change. No more talk about how the Patriots were being unfair by leaving the field uncovered all week, thus making it hard to run on. It's called home-field advantage for a reason -- that's why they play the season, they earned that right. I mean, what did you expect them to do, roll out Astroturf so the Colts could feel at home? \nThe Patriots are the best team in football -- period. They find a way to win, no matter what. Missing three of their best defenders this weekend, they made Manning look like a lost little boy, not the stalwart two-time MVP we have seen all season. The look on his face has become all too familiar; I call it the "Peyton Manning face." It resembles what I would imagine a person looks like a split second before they get hit by a bus. His QB rating of 69.3 and his failure to throw a touchdown pass for the first time this year prove one thing: He can't beat the Patriots. \nTom Brady and his gigantic chin have some kind of mysterious hold on him. I kept waiting for someone to run out on the field and give Manning the Heimlich maneuver because he was choking so badly. \nSo now starts the inevitable debate, Tom Brady or Peyton Manning? Manning is the best quarterback in the NFL, no doubt about it, but I would take Brady any day of the week. Why? Because he wins. Peyton has not proven he can win big games. He can throw all over every team in the regular season but simply can't win when it matters. If Peyton really cared about winning the big one, he would restructure his mammoth contract so the Colts could add something resembling a defense to their team. I mean, it's great that Peyton now has two single-season records after this year, but that and $4.50 will get you a value meal at McDonald's. \nSo until the Colts realize what it takes to win the big one, Peyton will go on being the new Dan Marino. OK wait, that's not fair: Marino actually went to a Super Bowl.
(01/11/05 5:47am)
When people ask me what I did over vacation, I hesitate to tell them. I don't want people to know what I do when I have free time because I feel their opinions of me would change dramatically. I have a problem, and I think the only way to fix it is just to come out and say it. \nSo, what did I do over break? I watched all 28 bowl games. \nHi, my name is Ryan, and I'm a football addict. Please help me!\nIf "football-aholism" were a recognized disorder, I would have fallen off the wagon more times than Robert Downey Jr. \nSo to exercise the demons that haunt me with this terrible affliction, I have to give my impressions of the best and worst of the 2004-2005 bowl season.\nBest Game: Rose Bowl. The thrilling back-and-forth game between Michigan and Texas was an instant classic. Watching Vince Young run in, around and through the Michigan defense for 192 yards and four touchdowns was simply incredible. And it ended in a fitting manner for a shootout like this; the last team to have the ball won the game, as senior kicker Dusty Mangum split the uprights from 37 yards out to give Texas the 38-37 victory.\nWorst Game: Music City Bowl. Minnesota beat Alabama 20-16 in this snooze-fest, which featured Minnesota running the ball 72 times. My real problem with this game was that no one whom Indiana beat should even be in a bowl game, much less win one.\nWorst Bowl Name: Continental Tire Bowl. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Now the sponsor is the entire name of the bowl. I mean, come on, guys, at least be a little more creative. This naming stuff really has gotten out of hand because who knows where it will stop. I know some day soon I'm going to hear an ESPN announcer say, "Welcome back to the Cialis Bowl, brought to you by Bud Light. With Bud Light and Cialis, you always know you're in for an interesting evening." \nBest Bowl City: New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl and (oddly enough) the New Orleans Bowl. Enough said.\nWorst Bowl City: San Jose, Calif., for the Silicon Valley Classic. Trust me on this one. I've been to San Jose, and frankly I think the players would have rather been in school.\nMost Disappointing Team: The California Golden Bears. Everyone thought Cal would dominate Texas Tech at the Holiday Bowl in San Diego. Cal looked like anything but a top five team as the Red Raiders blew them out 45-31 in a game that was not as close as the score indicates. Sonny Cumbie, Tech's senior quarterback, threw for 520 yards and 3 touchdowns and made the BCS look smart for putting Texas in the Rose Bowl ahead of Cal. \nMost Disappointing Game: Orange Bowl. The University of Southern California trounced Oklahoma 55-19 in a game everyone thought would be a much closer match up. The national championship and "game of the century" wasn't even the best competition at Pro Players Stadium that night. That honor went to Kelly Clarkson and Ashlee Simpson vying for who could have a worse halftime performance. It was a tight contest most of the way, but in the end Simpson was the clear winner. I don't think I can truly call what she was doing singing; it was more like what I imagine a dying rooster would sound like. But she has acid-reflux disorder, so I should probably go easy on her, right?\nWow, it feels a lot better now that I've gotten that off my chest. I feel like I can go a few days without watching football. I think I can beat this addiction. After all, they say the hardest step is admitting you have a problem.
(12/09/04 5:40am)
Because this is my last column of 2004, I decided it was time to give away my end-of-the-year awards. \nFirst up, the Ron Powlus Award, given to the college football player who succeeds at having the most disappointing career. This year's recipient is Chris Rix of Florida State. After coming out of high school as an extremely talented brash young quarterback, Rix became a four-year starter and the butt of every joke my buddy Booter made this year. After three seasons of Loveccio-like consistency, Rix was finally benched this year and ended up throwing five interceptions to go with his two touchdowns in seven games played. Congratulations Chris, and good luck convincing anyone to draft you.\nNext is the Barry Bonds Award, which goes to the one athlete in any sport who is not getting a Christmas card from me. This year's winner is Nomar Hamm. After barely showing up for the Red Sox last season, Nomar burst on to the scene this year by demanding a bigger contract, alienating his teammates and displaying the type of leadership skills that have made Latrell Sprewell what he is today. Nomar even got a $200,000 bonus from the Red Sox just to thank him for all he did this year to help their run to their first championship in 86 years. After all, if he doesn't get traded, there is no way they beat the Yankees.\nSpeaking of the Red Sox, this year's Wilt Chamberlain Award, given to the athlete who needs a size XXXL jock strap, goes to Curt Schilling. After seriously injuring his ankle against the Angels, Schilling underwent a new procedure to hold his tendons in place, allowing him to pitch in Game 6 of the ALCS -- a win over the Yankees -- and Game 2 of the World Series -- a win against the Cardinals. Schilling was reportedly in constant pain, and blood could be seen seeping through his socks during both games, but by toughing it out the 38-year-old earned the respect of the sports world and gave his teammates an extra push toward the championship.\nThe J.D. Drew Award, given to the biggest draft-day crybaby, was an easy choice this year. It goes to Miss Elisha Manning, rookie-starting quarterback of the New York Giants. After whining and complaining about not wanting to go to San Diego, Elisha got her wish and was traded to the Giants. Yeah, I mean, what's there to like about San Diego? It's sunny and 70 degrees every day, has loads of beautiful women and one of the best running backs in the NFL. Who would possibly want to go there? Since becoming the starter, Elisha has expertly guided the Giants to a 0-3 record and put up a stellar quarterback rating of 44.2. Meanwhile, the Chargers are headed toward the playoffs and an AFC West title at 9-3 behind the stellar quarterback play of Drew Brees ... yes, that Drew Brees. A note to Miss Manning and her father Archie -- hope you're happy guys.\nFinally there is the Ricky Williams Award, given to the athlete who makes the most insane decision of the year. Who else could this go to but Ron Artest. Artest asked for time off from basketball because he was tired from promoting his CD. Then a few short weeks later he decided to jump into the crowd and made the Pistons-Pacers game look like the Vibe Awards.\nIt's been a great semester. I hope you all enjoy your vacations and get everything you want at Christmas ... unless you're a member of the Manning family, then I hope you get coal in your stocking.
(12/07/04 5:15am)
Last year at this time I was screaming about how unfair life was. I was shocked, dismayed and appalled at what had transpired. I felt robbed, cheated and I wanted an explanation. I thought to myself, "How could this have happened?" But once I got over the fact that the "Matrix" sequels sucked, I realized that something else horrible had happened: the USC Trojans had been left out of the BCS title game.\nLast year was a joke. The best team in both human polls was left out of the national title game and as football fans we were robbed of what would have been a classic title game between USC and LSU. This year has left some fans disappointed as well, and all the off-season tweaking of the BCS has really accomplished nothing. So here we are a month before the title game and three teams are, once again, staking their claim to the national title. \nThe USC Trojans have been the top team in the nation from day one and have played like they deserve the title shot they were denied last year. Despite the loss of star receiver Mike Williams, the Trojans' high-powered offense has gone right through defenses like Oprah goes through Twinkies. No one can really argue that the Trojans don't belong in the Orange Bowl -- especially when you consider what happened to them last year.\nThe problem comes when comparing Oklahoma and Auburn. Both teams went undefeated and both won their conference title games. Auburn has proven that they can play with anybody and Oklahoma has had a dominant season as well. So how should we separate these two teams? With computers? I don't think so. It is as obvious as it has ever been that college football needs to adopt the same system that every other sport has ... playoffs. \nFirst of all, the argument to keep the BCS and the bowl system is as mind boggling as Britney Spears becoming Mrs. Kevin Federline. And secondly, people say that there would be too many games if a playoff system was instituted, but since when is more football a bad thing? The major teams take the entire month of December off -- a time in which we could have a three-round playoff. \nHere's my solution:\nUse a BCS-type rankings system to figure out the top six teams. Give the top two seeds a bye in the first round, then have the other four play at neutral sites sometime around Christmas Day. Then have the semifinal games played on New Year's Day with the championship coming in prime time the next week. The games could all be played at the sites of the major bowls with the championship rotating venues yearly, like the Super Bowl. \nWow, this seems like a simple solution doesn't it? But sadly, as long as administrators and boosters control the world of college football, we will never see a real championship. The people in charge say they have the student athletes in mind when they make decisions, but if you believe that you probably believe that Barry Bonds didn't know he was taking steroids. These guys care nothing for the kids playing; they just care about lining their own pockets.\nThe fervor surrounding March Madness could be so easily translated to football -- with dramatic upsets, thrilling last minute plays and a real champion. Incidentally, there is technically no national championship for college football. It is mythical. The NCAA does not officially recognize anyone as a champion, so therefore it's up to the idiots at the BCS and human voters to tell us who the best team is. \nSo to those in charge of college football, let the kids decide things on the field. You at least owe them that.
(11/30/04 4:52am)
While you were home this past week enjoying Thanksgiving with relatives, I hopped a plane to the south pacific and spent the holiday with my family in the tropical paradise that is Maui.\nBut rather than sit on the beach and sip piña coladas with the drop-dead-gorgeous, 5-foot-9 blonde that tagged along, I was working for you, the reader, so I would have something to report when I came back. I was watching basketball at the annual EA Sports Maui Invitational. \nHonestly, going to Maui and watching basketball is like going to the Playboy mansion and admiring the landscaping. But there I was, packed into the Lahaina Civic Center like a sardine, surviving the 100-degree heat in the building and the acrid smell of the Iowa fan next to me (I swear the guy smelled like Tara Reid after a night on the town). So here are my three biggest observations from a week spent sweating more than Ruben Studdard after five minutes on a treadmill.\nNorth Carolina is good. I don't mean college good, I mean LeBron James good. They are that special team that only comes around every so often. They cruised to the tournament title with ease. Their big three -- Sean May, Raymond Felton and Rashad McCants -- dominated the tournament. \nMay, the son of former Hoosier and National Player of the Year Scott May, is a complete post player. He runs the floor, has every post move and rebounds better than Justin Timberlake after the Britney break-up. May went to Bloomington North High School, and I just have one question: How did we ever let him get out of town? Hey, Mike Davis, you know that post presence we've been missing for three years? It's in Chapel Hill playing for the Tar Heels. \nFelton, the tournament's MVP, is the best point guard I've seen in years. He runs the show when he is on the floor and might be the best all-around player in the country. McCants can score at any time from any place on the floor. If he can avoid going "Ron Artest" on someone, UNC should be the favorites when March rolls around. \nIowa might be the surprise team of the year. Paced by sharp-shooting point guard Jeff Horner and the explosive Pierre Pierce, the Hawkeyes knocked off two top-15 teams while in Maui and should make some noise in the Big Ten if they can play the way they did in Hawaii. They have a solid inside-out game, with Greg Brunner's post moves and the shot-blocking of Erek Hansen. Hansen, a 6-foot-11 junior, has developed nicely, but to be more effective, he needs to add some weight to his lanky frame. Seriously, the guy needs a steak worse than Mary-Kate Olsen.\nTennessee freshman guard Chris Lofton is a scoring machine. After being named Kentucky's Mr. Basketball last year, Lofton was passed over by Louisville and Kentucky during recruiting and is playing with a chip on his shoulder. He dropped 22 points on North Carolina in the semifinal game, and after three games, Lofton is shooting 53 percent from beyond the 3-point line. If this diapered dandy had any help at all, Tennessee could be a decent team -- the problem is he doesn't.\nI can't complain about my time in Maui. The weather was great, the locals were friendly and the beer was cheap. The only thing that went wrong was our movie choice one night. We saw "Alexander," and after watching that disaster they called a movie, I've decided Oliver Stone should never be allowed to make a movie again ... but that's a whole other column.
(11/17/04 4:37am)
Something happened this weekend that made me so mad that I was yelling at the TV more than I usually do. I had to take a second dose of my medication and wash it down with a six-pack just to get calm again. It's something that really bothers me, and I think I have to address it. So this is a memo to Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops: "Stop running up the score!!!"\nWe get it, your team is good and the rest of the Big 12 isn't.\nThis past weekend, with the outcome clearly decided, Stoops left his starting offense in for the entire game. Not only that, but with the score 30-0 and less than two minutes on the clock, he had his quarterback, Jason "The Heisman Thief" White, throwing to the end zone on four consecutive plays. It was a clear attempt to simply make the game look like more of a blow-out than it already was. It was also selfish, classless and downright mean. \nThey were playing one of their arch rivals, Nebraska, in a matchup in which both teams have immense respect for the other program. Apparently Bob missed that memo.\nMany analysts are calling it the worst moment in the history of the rivalry, and I absolutely agree. And when Chris Fowler, Kirk Herbstreit, Lee Corso and I all agree on something, there is a problem.\nThis isn't the first time this has happened with Stoops at the helm, either. Last year, he was lambasted for leaving his starters in well into the fourth quarter against Texas A&M, running the score to 77-0 before time finally ran out. Honestly, Jason White won his the Heisman Trophy last year because he threw so many touchdowns, at least a third of which were in garbage time. Plainly, he didn't deserve it, and we all know it. I wish a reporter would just ask him once: "So Jason, how does it feel to have Larry Fitzgerald's Heisman on your mantle?"\nFor an example of how it should be done, look at Pete Carroll and his University of Southern California Trojans. In this weekend's 49-9 blowout of Arizona, his Heisman candidates, quarterback Matt Leinart and running back Reggie Bush, didn't even see the field during the fourth quarter. \nSo why does Stoops do it? Maybe because he doesn't think his team's performance is enough to speak for itself. Maybe he feels like he has to run up the score to impress the voters, although it doesn't seem to be working as Auburn is slowly creeping up on the Sooners in the polls. \nSo why am I writing this? To implore you, the reader, to root as hard as you can against coach Stoops and his Sooners. There is no reason for them to get a free pass into the title game after all they have done to hurt the sport of college football. Last year, they were wrongly placed in the Bowl Championship Series title game against Louisiana State University after being pasted by Kansas State in the Big 12 title game, then White inexplicably won the Heisman Trophy, and now this year they have repeatedly embarrassed opponents for no good reason. It's not right and it is not the example coaches should set for their players. \nI know a lot of you don't care about this issue, but if you've been on the other side of a blowout you know what I mean. Actually you should all know what I'm talking about. You're IU football fans, right?
(11/11/04 5:05am)
I could tell you that it's too early to start panicking, but that would be no fun. I could tell you that all young players in the NBA go through "adjustment" periods because of the tremendous stress put on them, but that's what the league's marketing department wants you to believe. \nSo since I decided to jump on a bandwagon containing sportswriters from all across the country, I'm gonna totally overreact and rip Carmelo Anthony a new one for the way he has played so far this season.\nThe Denver Nuggets are off to a disappointing 1-4 start, and of course, Anthony is going to take the blame simply because he is the franchise player. There could be a ton of reasons why the Nuggets stink, like the fact that Jeff Bzdelik couldn't coach his way out of a paper sack, the lack of team chemistry because of the addition of new players in the offseason or simply the fact that they are the Denver Nuggets. But no, I want to overreact and call out an individual player for the failings of an entire team because that's just the kind of guy I am.\nFirst off, I have to point out the obvious flaw in Carmelo's game: He is not, nor will he ever be LeBron James. He's averaging 20.8 points per game in his young NBA career -- LeBron is averaging 21.2, a little more effort please Mr. Anthony, sheesh. He's also only averaging .5 more rebounds per game than King James. What Carmelo? You can't beat him by more than that? You spent a whole year honing your skills in college. \nNext, I have to point out that Melo is no good in the clutch. I mean, sure, in his first year the lowly Nuggets were 26 wins better than the year before, but what does that prove? He also led them to the playoffs for the first time in nine years, but he couldn't even get them out of the first round. \nOK, I'll admit that before he came around the Nuggets were the most mismanaged team since the Chico's Bail Bonds Bears, and maybe he gave their franchise a bit of hope and direction. But who knows, if Detroit had taken Melo, Darko Milicic might have become the great savior of the Nuggets ... OK, maybe not. I mean, on the court Darko looks more lost than Stevie Wonder in a forest.\nAnother thing, why isn't Carmelo smiling anymore? It looks bad on camera to see him get serious at key points in the game. Lighten up, man. I mean, I don't want to see you take your job seriously. Who cares if you win as long as I'm entertained? \nAlso, I don't want to hear you complain about playing time anymore, Mr. Anthony. Sure you were on a terrible team this summer in Athens and you thought you could play with more fire and intensity than some of the laid-back veterans, but keep that to yourself. You shouldn't talk like that because then people might figure out that Larry Brown is just an average coach. We wouldn't want that house of cards to fall, now would we?\nAnthony was also cited for marijuana possession last month, but I'm not going to hold that against him. I mean, you aren't really an NBA player until you get your first pot citation anyway.\nIn the end, it is important to consider one thing: If Melo really is the classic selfish superstar who only wants what's best for himself and not his team, it could be worse ... he could be Kobe Bryant.
(11/09/04 5:36am)
After week nine of the NFL season, one thing is clear: all those preseason predictions can go right out the window. I thought I'd recap some of the major stories of the first half of the NFL season this week because some of them are as shocking as Janet Jackson's halftime performance at the Super Bowl.\nThe top story has to be the 7-1 Pittsburgh Steelers and the success of their rookie quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. Roethl ... err, Ben has been outstanding this year and is 6-0 as a starter -- boy that whole Eli Manning fiasco on draft day seems pretty stupid now huh? In consecutive weeks, the Steelers polished off the two Super Bowl favorites, beating the Patriots and Eagles handily. Looks like there might be a new favorite on the block, but I still like the Pats.\nNext we have the "lowly" San Diego Chargers, a team who no one (including your favorite columnist) thought would do anything this year. The Chargers have been dominant recently as they are currently tied atop the AFC West at 6-3. Their success is due strictly to the emergence of Drew Brees, who in his fourth year, is looking like the quarterback the Chargers drafted out of Purdue. Currently, only Daunte Culpepper and Peyton Manning have higher quarterback ratings than Brees. As a Charger fan let me just say this, "Where the hell was that last year, Drew?" Apparently, Brees decided it was time to play like an MVP candidate since this is the last year of his contract. Who does he think he is, Adrian Beltre?\nNext, you have to discuss the quirky, almost homoerotic relationship between Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens. I mean it's cool that they like each other and have fun together, but some things I just don't want to know about. They show up on talk shows together, do each other's laundry and cook for each other -- just not stuff I care to know. Now I'm not saying that TO and Donovan are gay, but like Mr. Owens says, "if it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly it's a rat."\nLocal favorites, the Colts, have been spectacular on offense, and Manning is staring down another MVP trophy. The problem? They have no defense. I don't mean that their defense is bad, they literally have none. Watching a Colts game is like watching old Brigham Young University games on ESPN Classic, whoever has the ball last will usually win. The fighting Dungys have allowed 418 yards of offense per game and that's not how championships are won. \nI mean at this point they don't really need a running game; Can Edgerrin play cornerback? \nThe fact that the Colts are 4-3 with that offense, is almost as inexcusable as making "The Godfather Part III." If Peyton's defensive counterparts don't figure something out, Colts fans will once again be disappointed come playoff time. \nOther than that, this season has pretty much been exactly what it should be. Bill Parcells has melted down at several press conferences, Kyle Boller has continued his legacy as the most disappointing draft pick since Akili Smith. Jake Plummer keeps winning games despite the fact that he's terrible and the Bears have been doing what the Bears do ... losing.
(11/03/04 4:33am)
After a summer of touring around the world, listening to Pink Floyd, watching Sponge Bob and staring at lava lamps for hours on end, Ricky Williams wants back into the NFL.\nShortly after an arbitrator ruled that Ricky had to pay a cool $8.6 million back to the Dolphins, he announced that he would make an effort to come back to football.\nYes, after blasting the NFL's drug policy and saying that he wouldn't change his lifestyle for a game, he wants to rejoin the Dolphins as early as possible. Ricky now says that football is incredibly important to him and that he would not make the same mistakes he made before, referring to his three positive drug tests. \nIs it me, or does this change of heart seem about as authentic as Lindsay Lohan's chest?\nRicky informed the Dolphins he was retiring in July, just days before the start of training camp, essentially stabbing his team, coach and city in the back. At first it seemed that he was simply burned out on the game, but in subsequent interviews he revealed that he was just a burn out. He said the NFL shouldn't punish players for using recreational drugs because it helps them deal with everyday life. If you ask me, Ricky is a little out of touch; I mean the counter guy at Hardee's making minimum wage would get fired for smoking pot, why should NFL players be any different?\nIt's not like Williams got caught once -- he failed three tests. If you know you are going to be tested eventually and you fail three times, you have a problem. \nRicky is immensely talented and I'm sure some team will invest in him; I just doubt it will be the Dolphins. Many of his teammates have turned their backs on him and just want to move on and forget the whole situation; I doubt they would welcome him with open arms despite their 1-7 record.\nHad Williams simply informed the team at the end of last season that he might retire, they could have tried to sign a decent backup running back just in case. As it is they have had a terrible offense all year mostly due to a quarterback controversy and, of course, difficulty running the ball. \nRicky seems to be really serious about returning to football, although it will not happen this year. He is planning on returning for the 2005 season and he has promised to remain clean. If he wants the world to buy the fact that he is going to quit smoking pot, I think it would be a good idea if he stopped riding around in the Mystery Machine with Scooby and the gang. \nNow to be fair, people make mistakes and they deserve second chances -- and I guess even fourth chances. But Williams plays a sport in which dedication and being a good teammate are monumentally important, and after this fiasco, how could an organization and its players trust him?\nI don't know how committed Williams is to playing football at a Pro Bowl level again, but here's what I do know: His track record and past are against him. He didn't respond well when people questioned his decision making after he retired. He didn't trust his fellow Dolphins enough to confide in them about his problems off the field. And he has 8.6 million reasons to say he wants to play again.\nGiven all that, if I had an NFL team, I wouldn't even get involved in the bidding.
(10/28/04 5:41am)
Nomar Garciaparra recently got a gift from his playoff-bound former teammates in Boston -- a playoff share. Even though his 10-year relationship with the team ended at this year's trade deadline, his former teammates honored his contributions to the franchise, and he will be awarded about $200,000. After all, without him, it's doubtful the Red Sox would have ever won the World Series. \nThat's right, in a genius move that only makes sense looking back on it, Nomar didn't embrace the leadership role. Instead, he choose to alienate his teammates and the Boston fans by complaining about his contract. Without this lack of leadership earlier in the season, guys like Manny Ramirez, Kevin Millar and David Ortiz may never have taken the reins of the team and guided them so well. \nHey, if he hadn't sat out all of those games nursing a barely sore leg, Pokey Reese may not have gotten the practice he needed to become such a reliable defensive replacement. \nOr how about the fact that had he not have whined repeatedly to management, he may have never been traded to the Chicago Cubs and therefore the Sox would have never gotten Orlando Cabrera. All Cabrera has done is play masterfully in the field while hitting .315 with 11 RBI in the postseason. Thanks, Nomar. \nOf course you can't forget the most important contribution that Nomar Hamm made. I mean, without him the Cubs may have actually made the playoffs. If the Cubs had been around, they might have offered a much tougher opponent than the Cardinals, seeing as how their pitching is far superior. Instead, he helped engineer one of the more staggering meltdowns of the Wild Card era, with those pop-outs in key situations and double plays with runners in scoring position. Man, I bet Boston fans really miss those. \nSince he was shipped out of town, the Sox have, without a doubt, been the best team in baseball. The "Idiots," as they have been dubbed, have been unstoppable offensively, solid defensively and Curt Schilling and Pedro Martinez have simply been dominant. Apparently the missing piece of the puzzle was a competent shortstop (Cabrera) and for everyone to put the team first, not themselves. Wow, what a novel concept, befriend your teammates and don't publicly complain about your organization. I'm glad Mr. Hamm was able to do the things he did, or the Sox may never have learned these valuable lessons. \nMaybe I'm being too harsh. Some people have complained that I pick on Nomar too much, possibly because he boots more balls than his wife, would go on the disabled list with a hangnail or is about as effective offensively in the clutch as the IU football team. I'm sorry for targeting him, but it's just too easy. The guy had the world in the palm of his hand; he was going to be the next Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski or Johnny Pesky. You know, guys who spent their whole careers in Boston as beloved leaders who never won a championship. But he had to go screw it up by blaming all his troubles on the city, the fans and the team's management ... sad really.\nSo for all Boston fans and players I would like to say this: Thank you, Nomar. Thank you for finally leaving, for becoming another city's problem and for bringing the Red Sox closer simply by not being around. Have fun with the $200,000, buddy; you've earned it.
(10/26/04 4:35am)
If you saw the game you had to know. After watching Jerious Norwood break free up the left sideline for a 37-yard, game-clinching touchdown, we all knew. It was bound to happen eventually: When you are the No. 19-ranked team in the country and you lose to a 24-point underdog, it might be time to move on. \nSo though the University Florida Gators lost Saturday to the Mississippi State Bulldogs, their fans, especially those who run the Web site www.fireronzook.com, might have actually won.\nYes, Ron Zook has been told that he will not be brought back as the head coach of the Gators next year. \nSaturday's loss was possibly the hardest to take in the Zook era, as the Bulldogs, who were last in the nation in scoring offense, managed to drop 38 points on Florida's talented defense. What's worse is that Zook is supposed to be a defensive coach -- ouch. This would be like the Patriots losing to the Arizona Rattlers of the Arena Football League -- that's how overmatched the Bulldogs were talent-wise.\nSo where does this leave the University of Florida? Well, since he took over for a legendary coach in 2001, Zook has gone 20-13 though he has managed to bring in phenomenal recruiting classes. With that kind of talent lying around, an experienced head coach could do some serious damage in the SEC. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Oh yeah, it's time to bring back Steve Spurrier.\nFlorida needs the ole ball coach back, and so does college football. I mean, this is a guy who, after his team's 31-10 victory over Syracuse in the 1999 Orange Bowl, awarded a game ball ... to himself! \nOnce, when asked who the most valuable player on the field was during his Florida team's win over Tennessee, he coolly answered, "Phillip Fulmer," who happens to be Tennessee's head coach. \nHow about in 1991, when, telling a group of Gator fans that a fire in Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books, he said, "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."\nI mean, you can't pass a human quote machine like this up. Florida needs to act and hire him back right away -- if for no other reason than to get people talking about its program. Right now it is a joke. What with all the Zook-bashing going on, the school needs to go where it has been successful before. They need to go back to the "Fun and Gun" offense, back to drawing up plays in the dirt on the sidelines, back to a coach whose players can't stand him but who gets them to play like champions. \nPlus, I always loved guessing how long it would take Spurrier before he broke down and threw his visor. Without fail, it happened every game.\nIt should also be noted that Zook has been fired after Spurrier quit his job with the Redskins, and I really don't think that is a coincidence. They gave Zook his shot, and Spurrier took his jaunt into the NFL; now it's time to get back to business. \nFlorida needs to do this simply for my sanity. I don't think I could take another coach who just spits out clichés being hired into college football. I like my coaches with a little edge. I like it when they don't say all the right things all of the time. I guess maybe that's why I can't stand IU coach Gerry DiNardo. I mean, he seems like a decent guy, but come on, Gerry, show some emotion. \nHey, wait a minute. If Florida doesn't re-hire Spurrier, I know a struggling Big Ten program that should be in need of a head coach after this year.
(10/20/04 5:48am)
Doesn't karma suck?\nThe first Bowl Championship Series rankings came out this week, and there is already controversy. The Oklahoma Sooners are currently third behind USC and Miami despite being ranked second in both human polls. Already Sooner fans are crying for the abolition of the BCS. That's funny, since last December they all seemed to love the fact that they benefited from the same situation as Oklahoma leap-frogged the Trojans for the chance to play Louisiana State University in the Sugar Bowl. But don't fret, Oklahoma fans, there's plenty of time left for Miami quarterback Brock Berlin to go Chris Rix and throw his team's national championship dreams into the waiting arms of an opposing defensive back. With that being said, I'd like to take this chance to size up the top teams in the new rankings.\nThe USC Trojans are the most complete team; with an opportunistic defense and endless weapons on the offensive side of the ball, they have to be the favorites. This past weekend, they made the No. 19 Arizona State Sun Devils look IU-bad (that's a new term by the way) in their 45-7 victory. Junior quarterback Matt Leinart always looks cool under pressure, and sophomore running back Reggie Bush is the most exciting player in the country -- when he steps on the field, you can't turn away. There is no other athlete I would rather watch right now ... well, except for Maria Sharapova. \nThe Miami Hurricanes do have a chance to sneak into the championship game as long as most of their players can avoid jail time. Now I don't want to say that they are all criminals, but when ABC was introducing their defense last week, they used their mug shots -- I thought that was unnecessary. The season rests on the erratic arm of über-talented quarterback Brock Berlin, and if I was a Miami fan, that would scare me to death. I have never seen a guy overthrow so many open receivers. Seriously, this guy makes the people who voted for Jason White for the Heisman Trophy look intelligent.\nThe Oklahoma Sooners and their (band)wagon should end up in the title game, considering the fact that they have as much talent as anyone in the country. As always, they have a great defense, but now their running game is all anyone can talk about. True freshman Adrian Peterson ripped off 225 yards against Texas two weeks ago. That is the best performance by a freshman since I faked mono to get out of taking a Spanish midterm a few years ago. So with Peterson and Heisman Trophy thief White manning the backfield, the Sooners will be tough to beat and should end up in the title game -- as long as they don't completely melt down like last year.\nAuburn currently sits fourth in the BCS rankings, and it's not just its vaunted defense that is winning games. Tigers offensive coordinator Al Borges, the same Al Borges who ran IU's anemic offense last season, has Auburn averaging 34 points per game. Where was that last year Al? The Tigers have a great corps of running backs led by Carnell "Cadillac" Williams, and all quarterback Jason Campbell has to do is stay out of the way and avoid key mistakes, something he found supremely difficult last year. Auburn has a chance, but I doubt they make it through the SEC unscathed. \nAs for the rest of the teams? Purdue is the only other team that had a chance, and they looked great until Kyle 'Butterfingers' Orton fumbled away his team's BCS hopes and his Heisman dreams, a rare triple-threat, season-killing mistake. But then again, they're Purdue, so I say "Nice job, Mr. Orton!"\nMy title game pick? I'm going with USC and Oklahoma. Maybe it's because they are both loaded with talent, or maybe it's because I used to go to USC ... you decide.
(10/12/04 4:51am)
This was a huge weekend for sports, so as I sat at my desk trying to pick which story to cover I was left with only one real solution: write about them all. So here are my takes on the events of the past weekend.\nThe biggest story, of course, is the baseball playoffs, where the Yankees and Red Sox will square off in the American League Championship Series. This is the most anticipated television event of the year ... well if you don't include the season premiere of "The O.C." \nYou know why I love this rivalry? Because we always see something entertaining, whether it's Don Zimmer and his honeydew melon of a noggin tumbling to the turf, Derek Jeter taking a head first dive into the field level seats or Aaron Boone smacking a dramatic home run -- wait sorry, I have to stop, that last one still hurts a little. This series is already destined to be a classic, so make sure you tune in.\nThe Cardinals also kept on rolling as they clinched a spot in the National League Championship Series. The Dodgers took the loss especially hard and Robin Ventura retired after the game. Too bad for Robin, he had a great 16-year career, but he'll always just be that guy who got beat up by a 46-year-old Nolan Ryan.\nRoger Clemens pitched his heart out on three days rest but had to leave it up to the Astros' bullpen to secure the win -- big mistake. Chad Qualls relieved The Rocket and subsequently gave up a game tying home run to Adam LaRoche that was last seen heading somewhere toward South America. \nThe Patriots set an NFL record by winning their 19th straight contest, as they manhandled the hapless Dolphins 24-10. To put the streak in perspective, since the Pats' streak began, the Cubs have melted down twice. Some other interesting information: At the time of New England's last loss Arnold Schwarzenegger was still an actor, Britney Spears had never been married and the world had never heard Ashlee Simpson sing ... ah, the good old days.\nCollege football had a few big games this weekend, but none really lived up to the hype. Oklahoma beat Texas in what I like to call the "Ambien game of the week," there was no better cure for insomnia than this 12-0 snooze-fest. It was the first time Texas had been shut out since 1980 when Baylor forced the goose egg. I don't know what's more amazing, that the Longhorns went 281 games without being blanked or the fact that Baylor actually won a Division I football game at some point.\nUSC remained unbeaten as they held off Cal 23-17. The Trojans only managed 205 yards of total yards in the contest and here I thought IU coach Gerry DiNardo had a copyright on inept offenses.\nGeorgia's house of cards finally fell as they dropped a home game to Tennessee 19-14. Is it me or do the Bulldogs disappoint the "so-called" experts every year? Seriously, they are more disappointing than the last season of "Road Rules".\nIn golf news, Eldrick Woods married Elin "Yoko" Nordegren in Barbados late last week. I thought this was interesting, according to the pre-nup if they get divorced Elin gets half his money but Eldrick gets his swing, personality and short game back.\nSo that's what's happening in the world of sports. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go get mentally prepared for the Yankees-Red Sox series. Both of my parents are from the Boston area, so I have to pull for the Sox -- God help me.
(10/06/04 5:19am)
The Red Sox season, or as I like to call it "The Passion of Johnny Damon," has been tumultuous. Starting in late December with the A-Rod-Manny-Nomar trade talks and culminating with a wild-card playoff berth, the Sox have been everywhere in the past year but find themselves right where they wanted to be, 11 wins from their first championship since 1918.\nI know people say this every season, but all signs point to this being the year for the cursed ones. You want examples? I got 'em.\nThey finally dumped that waste of skin known as Nomar. I don't want to be too harsh on Mr. Hamm though, he does a few things better than anyone on a baseball diamond. No one, and I mean no one, knows how to kill a rally quite like the oft-injured shortstop. If you need a bases loaded pop-out or an easy double play to end an inning, Nomar is your guy. Frankly, he's about as clutch as Bill Buckner.\nNext, you have to love what Pedro has done with his hair. How can you not pull for a guy who looks like Eriq La Salle from "Coming to America?" Can someone please get this guy an endorsement deal with "Soul Glo." Pedro may not be the pitcher he was three seasons ago, but his hair is definitely in Hall of Fame form.\nAlso, you have to consider the lack of a great team in the playoffs. Every team has a major weakness that can be exploited. \nThe Yankees' starting staff is thinner than Calista Flockhart on a diet. Sure they are the Yankees, but they have the best shortstop on their team playing third base, lost Jason Giambi to a BALCO related tumor and that regularly scheduled Gary Sheffield meltdown should come any time now.\nPicking the Angels has suddenly become trendier than those yellow Lance Armstrong bracelets, so you know they won't pull it off.\nMinnesota has filthy Cy Young candidate Johan Santana but little else. The Twins' lineup has a bunch of guys named Jacque, Corey, Torii and Christian -- sounds more like a boy-band than a batting order.\nThe Cardinals have one of the greatest lineups ever assembled, but pitching wins titles and the Redbirds should scare no one. Their top four starters are all having career years and give up the long ball like it's going out of style. Yeah, that makes me feel real safe in pressure situations.\nThe Braves won their division for the 13th straight year, and Bobby Cox should be commended because I have no idea how he pulled this one off. The only thing they have this year is Chipper Jones minus 50 points on his batting average and Andruw Jones plus 50 pounds on his waist. \nThe Astros might have the best starting pitching of the teams left, but in the playoffs Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell tend to disappear faster than cupcakes at Rosie O'Donnell's house. \nThe Dodgers traded away their team's heart and soul, Paul LoDuca, at the deadline and then backed into the playoffs, so they shouldn't be a problem. \nStill need more proof this is Boston's year? \nWhat about the facts that Aaron Boone is nowhere to be found, Grady Little is gone, they actually have a closer this year and Ben Affleck won't be bringing J-Lo to the games? \nOK, I'll admit it, this probably will not happen. Everyone knows the Sox are cursed and will find some way to lose it. But honestly, if they can't win the World Series with a Jesus look-alike patrolling center field, then we should probably embrace the fact that it's never going to happen.
(09/30/04 4:49am)
As the clock wound down toward history, the entire crowd at Reliant Stadium in Houston held their breaths in anticipation. Then, a Gatorade bath for the coach, a kneel-down to seal the victory and the final gun marked the dawn of a new era. \nAs the players hoisted their coach onto their shoulders and celebrated like a bunch of five-year-olds on Christmas, they looked at each other and began to realize what they had accomplished. Yes, the Mexico City Burros had finally captured that elusive NFL championship after back-to-back unsuccessful trips to the Super Bowl. \nNever heard of the Burros? How is that possible? \nThey are the first team in NFL history to be located outside the United States. They have averaged 10 wins a year since they first joined the league eight seasons ago. Mexico City's favorite sons had also come within minutes of capturing the Vince Lombardi Trophy in two previous years -- only to suffer heartbreaking losses both times. The Burros' championship run was marred by controversy and key injuries, but many believe it might be the most improbable title run ever -- or at least in the history of John Madden football.\nYes, "Los Burros" are my created franchise in Madden 2005 and I couldn't be happier about the team's championship run. The Burros excelled on both sides of the ball, which was the key to their title run (I hope the Colts management is reading this). I had to fill a few holes on the roster before the season -- so I created myself as a wide receiver. My roommate complained that I was cheating and wouldn't stop bugging me until I asked if he wanted to be my starting strong safety. He responded, "Hell yeah, but only if you give me a cool number and one of those new weird looking helmets." We both made the Pro Bowl in our rookie campaigns. \nIt's that time of year again, when guys all across the country sacrifice a social life, family relationships and personal hygiene in order to conquer the greatest sports video game on the planet. For those of you who don't know, John Madden Football has been around for 15 years and in that time it is responsible for more college drop-outs than Anheuser-Busch. Oh, and to my friends and family, I know I haven't been answering my phone, so just leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as the game gets old. Should be sometime around April.\nOn Aug. 9, the day of the game's release, I hurried to my local Best Buy and found the doors locked. A rent-a-cop came by and informed me that the store wouldn't be open until 8 a.m., and that standing in the parking lot at 12:01 a.m. by myself might lead to an arrest. So I went home and waited. I tried to sleep but I couldn't.\nEventually I got the game and the rest is history. \nSome people might say I should focus on something else; maybe read a book or go to a museum. I think they just don't understand the thrill and intensity of playing a real game of fake football. My parents have even gone so far as to threaten to toss my PlayStation off the roof. No matter what happens, I'm a champion and no one can take that away from me. \nNow if you'll excuse me, I need to start preparing for a title defense.
(09/28/04 4:19am)
This weekend started badly. On Thursday the Indiana Daily Stupids suffered our first loss of the flag football season, and it was all downhill from there.\nOn Friday, Brigham Young University missed a chance to upset Boise State University because its kicker's last minute field goal try sailed wide left. What is with the kickers this year? They have one job and they can't even do that right. Is it just me or do they remind you of that kid on your little league team with the glove on his head in right field? You just prayed that the game didn't come down to him having to do anything at all. \nOn Saturday I awoke to find my buddy Ike in full IU regalia all excited for IU's Big Ten opener. So we actually ended up going to the game which was a big mistake. The team's second half performance was more disappointing than Todd Marinovich's career. Our wonderful football team has done something I did not think possible; they have made me long to see a Mike Davis' coached basketball team. \nLater that night my boys and I settled in to watch Roy Jones Jr.'s comeback fight against some Jamaican guy. Roy got knocked out in the ninth round, effectively ending his career. It's really sad. He was the most dominant boxer of his era but he fought like a scared, over-matched fighter -- sorta like Oscar De La Hoya's last few fights. \nOn Sunday it was time for more football, and the injuries are really piling up in the NFL this year. \nRex Grossman scored a touchdown on a six-yard scramble; he also scored a torn ACL on the play and will miss the season. To all Bears' fans who actually thought this was the year, the playoffs were not going to happen with or without Rex, so now your beloved team can officially be a part of the "Mike Williams' Sweepstakes." \nThe Raiders won on Sunday Night Football, but they lost quarterback Rich Gannon for at least six weeks with a broken vertebra. It might be time for Rich to hang 'em up. I'm not saying he's old, but I hear he showed up at the game with his left turn signal on from when he left his house yesterday morning.\nSteve McNair was hospitalized with a bruised sternum after the Titans lost at home to the surprising Jaguars. Well, the Tennessee McNairs are 1-2 to start the season, but since Steve will be playing hurt the rest of the way expect them to make a run deep into the playoffs. I seriously think the degree difficulty has to be turned up for him to start trying (see the last three years for evidence of this). \nTampa Bay was dealt a blow when running back Charlie Garner was lost for the season Sunday night. I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Charlie Garner is still in the league?"\n"Defensive genius" Tony Dungy and his Colts managed to batter Brett Favre enough to injure him a bit. It really showed too, Brett only dropped 358 yards and four touchdowns on the Colts' last ranked defense. Luckily, Peyton and his band of underpaid receivers helped to shred the Packers' defense en route to a 45-31 win.
(09/22/04 4:30am)
My buddies J.R. and Ike had been reading my columns and decided I needed a break from the grind. They thought my rants about certain players were getting harsher because I need to relax. So they suggested I watch a less intense athletic activity, and it was time for the Ryder Cup. \nWith that we got a case of beer, a few bags of chips, started up the barbecue and readied ourselves for a stress-free weekend. We had no idea what we were in for.\nLet me just start off by saying this was not my idea -- I can't stand golf on television, so three days of these guys walking around was almost unbearable. For those of you who don't know, the Ryder Cup is an event held ever y two years in which the best golfers from the United States are embarrassed by the best golfers from Europe in a team competition. \nIt started badly for the Americans again this year, as the pairing of Phil "Tin Cup" Mickelson and Tiger "Average Golfer" Woods was humiliated by two guys I've never heard of.\nSeriously, it's hard not to root for Phil, I mean he is such a nice guy and he has had to deal with so much over the years, but I can only take so much. I broke my TV's remote and threw so many couch cushions at the screen that my couch is now bare. \nPhil always looks great and then inexplicably hooks a shot 60 yards out of play. J.R. had the best quote of the weekend following a shot by Phil, "Oh that thing is so far to the right Michael Moore is going to make a movie about it." Classic, but I still wasn't calming down.\nTiger isn't free from blame, though. He played horribly, but that has been the norm lately. So I'm starting a movement, and you can follow if you chose. I will no longer call him Tiger: It's Eldrick Woods until he gets back on track and stops embarrassing himself. Since he got engaged to Elin Nordegren, or, as I like to call her, Yoko, Eldrick has played like he doesn't care anymore. In his new video game you can "Tiger Proof" the courses, but honestly it shouldn't be too hard these days.\nThe rest of the American team did just as poorly, treating winning like a warm case of Pabst: They wanted no part of it. \nThe U.S. lost this weekend 18.5-9.5, the largest defeat in Ryder Cup history. To compare, it would be like the IU men's basketball team losing 125-40 -- I think I was at that game last year. It was the seventh loss in 10 years for the Americans, so I guess we should embrace the fact that we are now the Washington Generals of golf.\nSo there I sat with a cold hamburger, a warm beer and stale chips because someone doesn't know how to use a chip-clip. I was frustrated, aggravated and just generally peeved at what I was watching. This was supposed to be my week of relaxation, my week to just hang out and watch something therapeutic, but it was ruined. I was more stressed now than when I started. This plan hadn't worked. What were J.R. and Ike thinking? \nThen they both pointed something out: I could have been watching the IU-Kentucky debacle -- on second thought, I had a great weekend.
(09/16/04 5:09am)
It's been a really slow week for sports, so I figured I would just save you the trouble of looking and just wrap all of the top stories into one article for you. \nIn case you weren't watching Tuesday night, and judging by the ratings you weren't, Canada won hockey's World Cup tournament for the first time in 13 years. The bigger story, however, is that this may be the last time we see hockey for a very long time. With a lockout announced, this could be a very long and ugly process. My question: Who cares?\nI mean honestly, it seems like Texas hold 'em has surpassed hockey as one of the four major sports recently. Yeah, I'm really going to miss having to wait through 20 minutes-worth of European guys skating around on SportsCenter just to find out if the Lakers won.\nBarry "Balco" Bonds may have 700 career home runs by the time you read this, and everyone seems to be excited about seeing it -- I'm not. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but does anyone else think it's wrong to keep holding up a guy who is obviously on some kind of performance-enhancing drug? \nIf my friend Ike showed up after the summer and was 150 pounds heavier I'd think he was either on steroids or had become part of Oprah's studio audience. So why does Barry get a free pass?\nTexas reliever Frank Francisco was arrested Monday night after doing his best Bobby Knight impersonation. Francisco threw a folding chair into the stands and broke the nose of a 41-year-old female A's fan. Apparently the woman and her husband were heckling the Rangers in the bullpen. Violence involving fans at Oakland Coliseum? Looks like a few Raiders fans showed up early for Sunday's game with the Bills.\nArt Howe was fired by the Mets effective at the end of the season. Really a shame for Art, I'm sure he would have loved to stick with a mismanaged team of overpaid underachievers.\nThe Nets and Trail Blazers are talking about a trade involving Jason Kidd and Shareef Abdur-Rahim. Apparently the Nets are willing to include their first round pick next year if the Blazers agree to take Kidd's wife in the deal. It is always sad when this happens, a superstar resurrects his career with a team, takes them to the Finals and then essentially engineers the death of the franchise because he is unhappy. \nSammy Sosa appears to be finding his swing as he now has three home runs in the last three days. This helps because the Cubs are right in the middle of the wild card and they need all the offense they can get, especially with the way Nomar Hamm has been playing defense lately. He's booted more balls than his wife since coming to the Cubs. But cheer up Chicago fans, it's just a matter of time until that crushing defeat sends you home sobbing from the playoffs, enjoy!\nSo what have we learned today? \nNo one cares about hockey, Barry is a fraud, Oakland fans and violence go hand-in-hand, Jason Kidd will kill your franchise and sadly, the Cubs still suck.