In my last column I listed the reasons why I thought Philadelphia had the worst fans in all of sports and why I thought they did not deserve a championship. Somehow my column made its way to the City of Brotherly Love and quickly circulated, leaving me with a brand-new audience, a few new "friends" and a full inbox on Webmail. So I thought I'd share some of the more interesting e-mails I received from people last week and my responses to them.
Ryan, you are such an ignorant D-bag, you weren't at any of those games, so how can you tell people what went on? You should go back to writing the Silk and Lace column for Metro Man Magazine. --Mark\n Mark, yes I realize I was not in attendance at any of the events I cited, but I really don't want to be in the same place with Philadelphia fans for that long. As for my column in Metro Man Magazine, I was young and needed the money. It was a mistake, but I feel everything I did for them was very tasteful. By the way, how did you know I wrote for Metro Man? You must be a subscriber.
Ryan, needless to say your piece-of-trash article made it to Philadelphia. If you were to ever come to a sporting event here, you would realize how passionate we are about our teams. Get a life. --John\n John, OK now I get it. Throwing things at opposing players + starting fights with opposing fans + repeatedly embarrassing your city and team on a national scale = passionate. Thanks for helping me clear that up.
Ryan, you are an arrogant, self-absorbed jerk who needs an ass-kicking. --Andrew\n Andrew, you left out impossibly good-looking, but other than that I can't disagree with anything in your e-mail.
Ryan, your column about how horrible Philadelphia fans are made me laugh repeatedly. I thought it was insightful and beautifully written and I loved every sentence of it. You should get an award for your writing. --Diane\n Thanks Mom.\n(For this next e-mail I need to do a bit of editing because the IDS wont let me print it otherwise. So in place of another "F-word", I'm going to use the word "fluff".)
Dear fluffing a-hole. You are a fluffing joke, you can't be fluffing serious when you say that the fluffing best fans in sports don't deserve a fluffing title. Fluff you, you fluffing idiot, I wish you were in the fluffing room so I could fluff you up. When the Eagles beat the fluffing sissy Patriots, I hope you are watching and suffering, fluff you. --David\n David, thanks for your fluffing response to my fluffing column, I'm sorry that we fluffing disagree. To respond, yeah, I will be watching the fluffing Super Bowl, and I hope the fluffing Pats win. I wish I could write more, but I just looked at the clock and realized I'm fluffing late for class, fluff!
Mr. Phillips, here in Philadelphia, we are intense; we do what everyone thinks about doing and wimps out on. Even when our team makes mistakes, we are the first to heckle them because they need to know there is more at stake than their large paychecks. --Tim \n Tim, yeah you're right, there is more at stake than their paychecks when professional athletes are out on the field. In Philly their lives are often on the line. As to your claim that you guys do what everyone else thinks about doing and doesn't;,I couldn't agree with you more. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time I've wanted to light off a bottle rocket at a NFL game and fire it into the stands behind me (this happened on Nov. 10, 1997, during a Monday Night Football game when the Eagles hosted the 49ers) I wouldn't need to write this column for $8 a week. \nSo that's my fluffing column for the week, hope you fluffing enjoyed it.
