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(11/02/06 3:54am)
By the third time around, you're going to know whether you'll like "Saw III," based on your opinions of the previous two. You'll be able to look past the implausibility of a near-death old man (Tobin Bell) and his sole assistant's (Shawnee Smith) miraculous ability to kidnap so many people and create such elaborate torture devices within a horror warehouse. And how this man happens to know everything that has happened to his victims in the past few years... and how he can somehow plan out every action that will unfold over the next weeks... because damnit, who cares -- you just want to see some good old-fashioned torture scenes. You sick bastard, you. \nThe film starts right where the last one left off; with Donnie Wahlberg chained to a sink, getting ready to "play a game." After the gruesome splatter that is him reducing his foot to merely a nub with a giant rock, we return to villain Jigsaw. Now nearly on his deathbed, he's called in (kidnapped) a top-notch doctor (Bahar Soomekh, "Crash") to keep him alive while he tests his latest victim. A little catch, though; if he dies, she dies.\nIt should probably be noted that I wasn't a huge fan of the first two films, but they had their entertaining moments. This one doesn't, though. Unlike the last "Saw," there's no group of people working together. The focus is primarily on a victim-by-victim basis. With the loss of any interaction, the film drags. To have nothing but torture scenes would be too much, even for the most sadistic of audiences. Yet the stories that lie in between, what with their overblown themes of redemption, self-appreciation and forgiveness, are boring and laughable. \nYou've got to hand it to the writers (actually it's kind of disturbing), to keep thinking up various ways to physically torment the victims. There's everything from freezing to death, drowning in pig guts, ripping chains out of body parts... well, you get the picture. All of these are emphasized by lots of flashes and choppy camera work, to create an annoying, dizzying effect. In all fairness, these crappy visual tactics were probably done to avoid an NC-17 rating, rather than artistic merit.\nThe film ends with a twist ending for the sake of having a twist ending. And then another twist... and then another, then another and finally one more. The company that made the film is called Twisted Pictures, but not even the most fitting nom de plume validates this much pointlessness.
(10/26/06 7:31pm)
One Week! In one week's time, I shall finally bask in the comedic glory that will be "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan." As a college student, you're probably familiar with Borat, the character from comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's HBO show "Da Ali G Show." For those of you who somehow managed to live in the dorms and never had a 2 a.m. viewing, Borat is a fake professional journalist from Kazakhstan sent to America to learn about our culture. Oh, and he's extremely anti-Semitic, chauvinistic and will violate any social norm we have in our society. Telling people how he keeps his wife in a cage, searching for a place to buy slaves in the south and butchering the National Anthem are among some of the stunts he's pulled. \nNow Cohen has brought the character to the big screen, in a mostly improvised film that's causing quite a controversy. But for all the Borat haters out there, come on, this shit is funny. Relax, learn how to laugh at yourself and enjoy it.\nUnderstandably, the Kazakh government is fuming over the film. They are disgusted with the way Cohen portrays the country as a people who value prostitution, despise Jews and haven't advanced technologically past 1983. The government removed the official Borat site from its Internet-based domain and recently placed a four page ad in The New York Times denouncing the film. OK, OK, so it might actually be something of a big deal to depict a country to Americans in such a manner because -- big surprise here -- we're ignorant when it comes to the rest of the world. For example: Am I intrigued about Madonna's recent involvement in Malawi? Of course. Is it because she's trying to make a difference in Africa? Of course not. I'd much rather hear about her newly adopted baby and fantasize about the eventual "Celebrity Boxing" match-up that will be Maddox Pitt-Jolie vs. Madonna Malawian Baby. It's for reasons like that I can admit to being an ugly American who knew nothing of Kazakhstan before seeing Borat. But am I dumb enough to actually think that the country's citizens act in such disturbing ways? No. \nThe audience, as well as the film's detractors, need to recognize the subject matter as comedy. What I don't understand is if Kazakhstan's such a great country, wouldn't it be smart to realize that getting pissed off and creating such ads only generates more press for the movie? But if that wasn't enough, the country decided to try and get President George W. Bush involved, pressing him to break the First Amendment by banning the film. This makes sense, because obviously the one thing that will make people want to see something more is telling them they can't. Clearly the country doesn't understand the PR business, so to help them out, I'll put in a good work for the Kazakhs. It's the ninth largest country in the world (and we Americans all know size matters), they celebrate International Women's Day (insert Borat joke here about women being kept in cages) and they were nice enough to elect a president with a funny name, Nursultan.\nAmericans have always been fascinated with the ethnic "other" and been just as concerned with their assimilation into our way of life. While we may have diversity in the country, Borat would still never be the typical American. Because it's unusual to hear someone stand for things we find so outrageous and unacceptable, we laugh instead of being appalled. What truly makes the sketch funny though aren't just Borat's inappropriate actions, it's the reactions of ignorant Americans typically using Borat's unacceptable attitudes as a license to expose their own. To say that the way Americans react to Borat is the sole reason the sketches are funny would be to excuse the hurtful stereotyping of foreigners and their alleged views, but there's still logic in the thought. \nWhile it's funny to see how people react in awkward situations (that's nothing new, TV has been doing the hidden camera shtick since "Candid Camera") the funniest reactions come when Americans let their guard down and express their true, offensive beliefs. In one famous sketch, Borat visits country music fans and performs a song he wrote called "Throw the Jew Down the Well." Within minutes Borat has a roomful of people signing along, "Throw the Jew down the well/So my country can be free." Normally this would seem like a miniature Nazi Germany in the works, yet because the people are being influenced by what they view to be a naïve foreigner, who doesn't know any better, nobody is going to storm out in protest. And if you ask me, that's funny. Frightening and despicable, but funny.\nAfter hearing that song, it's understandable many Jewish people aren't thrilled about the film either. The excuse that Cohen himself is Jewish probably isn't enough to fend off all critics, but once again, people need to be able to laugh at themselves. This is easy to say as a non-Jewish person who isn't having his religion slammed, yet everyone's ethnicity, religion and any other personal belief is at sometime going to be lampooned. And the more you get upset, the more it's going to happen. Case in point: the "South Park" "Trapped in the Closet" episode that ridiculed Scientology. Had Tom Cruise left the matter alone, audiences would have laughed at the episode and eventually forgotten about it, but after throwing a fit and trying to ban the episode, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have even more of an excuse to stick it to the group. I've got to give props to the Anti-Defamation League, who recently issued a statement saying they get Cohen's joke. They're not thrilled about it, but they understand that because everything is so exaggerated, it's not meant to be taken as factual representation. Once again, people: comedy.\nUnfortunately, this will likely be the end of Borat. After the film hits, it will be impossible for Cohen to tour the country again without people recognizing the gag. He could move on to other countries like the "Jackass" guys did for their films, but to lose the idealism that is associated with American culture is to lose the point of the film. Cohen's a smart guy, and probably has more ideas about how to make me piss myself with laughter in the future. If this Halloween weekend you see a goofy foreigner on Kirkwood asking for "sexytime," just tell me I'm doing a good Borat impression. It'll make my day. High Five!
(10/26/06 4:00am)
One Week! In one week's time, I shall finally bask in the comedic glory that will be "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan." As a college student, you're probably familiar with Borat, the character from comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's HBO show "Da Ali G Show." For those of you who somehow managed to live in the dorms and never had a 2 a.m. viewing, Borat is a fake professional journalist from Kazakhstan sent to America to learn about our culture. Oh, and he's extremely anti-Semitic, chauvinistic and will violate any social norm we have in our society. Telling people how he keeps his wife in a cage, searching for a place to buy slaves in the south and butchering the National Anthem are among some of the stunts he's pulled. \nNow Cohen has brought the character to the big screen, in a mostly improvised film that's causing quite a controversy. But for all the Borat haters out there, come on, this shit is funny. Relax, learn how to laugh at yourself and enjoy it.\nUnderstandably, the Kazakh government is fuming over the film. They are disgusted with the way Cohen portrays the country as a people who value prostitution, despise Jews and haven't advanced technologically past 1983. The government removed the official Borat site from its Internet-based domain and recently placed a four page ad in The New York Times denouncing the film. OK, OK, so it might actually be something of a big deal to depict a country to Americans in such a manner because -- big surprise here -- we're ignorant when it comes to the rest of the world. For example: Am I intrigued about Madonna's recent involvement in Malawi? Of course. Is it because she's trying to make a difference in Africa? Of course not. I'd much rather hear about her newly adopted baby and fantasize about the eventual "Celebrity Boxing" match-up that will be Maddox Pitt-Jolie vs. Madonna Malawian Baby. It's for reasons like that I can admit to being an ugly American who knew nothing of Kazakhstan before seeing Borat. But am I dumb enough to actually think that the country's citizens act in such disturbing ways? No. \nThe audience, as well as the film's detractors, need to recognize the subject matter as comedy. What I don't understand is if Kazakhstan's such a great country, wouldn't it be smart to realize that getting pissed off and creating such ads only generates more press for the movie? But if that wasn't enough, the country decided to try and get President George W. Bush involved, pressing him to break the First Amendment by banning the film. This makes sense, because obviously the one thing that will make people want to see something more is telling them they can't. Clearly the country doesn't understand the PR business, so to help them out, I'll put in a good work for the Kazakhs. It's the ninth largest country in the world (and we Americans all know size matters), they celebrate International Women's Day (insert Borat joke here about women being kept in cages) and they were nice enough to elect a president with a funny name, Nursultan.\nAmericans have always been fascinated with the ethnic "other" and been just as concerned with their assimilation into our way of life. While we may have diversity in the country, Borat would still never be the typical American. Because it's unusual to hear someone stand for things we find so outrageous and unacceptable, we laugh instead of being appalled. What truly makes the sketch funny though aren't just Borat's inappropriate actions, it's the reactions of ignorant Americans typically using Borat's unacceptable attitudes as a license to expose their own. To say that the way Americans react to Borat is the sole reason the sketches are funny would be to excuse the hurtful stereotyping of foreigners and their alleged views, but there's still logic in the thought. \nWhile it's funny to see how people react in awkward situations (that's nothing new, TV has been doing the hidden camera shtick since "Candid Camera") the funniest reactions come when Americans let their guard down and express their true, offensive beliefs. In one famous sketch, Borat visits country music fans and performs a song he wrote called "Throw the Jew Down the Well." Within minutes Borat has a roomful of people signing along, "Throw the Jew down the well/So my country can be free." Normally this would seem like a miniature Nazi Germany in the works, yet because the people are being influenced by what they view to be a naïve foreigner, who doesn't know any better, nobody is going to storm out in protest. And if you ask me, that's funny. Frightening and despicable, but funny.\nAfter hearing that song, it's understandable many Jewish people aren't thrilled about the film either. The excuse that Cohen himself is Jewish probably isn't enough to fend off all critics, but once again, people need to be able to laugh at themselves. This is easy to say as a non-Jewish person who isn't having his religion slammed, yet everyone's ethnicity, religion and any other personal belief is at sometime going to be lampooned. And the more you get upset, the more it's going to happen. Case in point: the "South Park" "Trapped in the Closet" episode that ridiculed Scientology. Had Tom Cruise left the matter alone, audiences would have laughed at the episode and eventually forgotten about it, but after throwing a fit and trying to ban the episode, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have even more of an excuse to stick it to the group. I've got to give props to the Anti-Defamation League, who recently issued a statement saying they get Cohen's joke. They're not thrilled about it, but they understand that because everything is so exaggerated, it's not meant to be taken as factual representation. Once again, people: comedy.\nUnfortunately, this will likely be the end of Borat. After the film hits, it will be impossible for Cohen to tour the country again without people recognizing the gag. He could move on to other countries like the "Jackass" guys did for their films, but to lose the idealism that is associated with American culture is to lose the point of the film. Cohen's a smart guy, and probably has more ideas about how to make me piss myself with laughter in the future. If this Halloween weekend you see a goofy foreigner on Kirkwood asking for "sexytime," just tell me I'm doing a good Borat impression. It'll make my day. High Five!
(10/05/06 7:45pm)
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Yeah, I wrote that. Sounds deep, huh? Ok, I didn't really write it. I got it off some crappy Web site, but as current film and television trends suggest, as a twenty-something, I would be easily capable of ripping that quote down and taking shameless credit for it.\nLast week I went to see "The Last Kiss." Zach Braff plays a guy who has a quarter-life crisis and seeks one last fling with college co-ed Rachel Bilson. Upon their first meeting, Bilson spews the prophetic words, "The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking long before our parents did because we don't ever stop to breathe anymore," and then places her hand on Braff's heart. Umm... whatever happened to "Hi, my name is Kim, nice to meet you?" Nope, these days we must waste no time with conventional conversation. The world is moving too fast.\nAfter the movie, "Grey's Anatomy" was on, where resident voice of God, Meredith Grey, is always on hand overcoming obstacles and issues. She may not have the answer to all of life's problems, but give her a cool indie rock song to speak over, and she'll provide hope in the form of the almighty voice-over. Then, on "Six Degrees" it was Jay Hernandez's turn to inform us of the magic of New York -- where anything and everything can happen, and everyone is thrilled to be living life to the fullest. Within seconds, Erika Christensen hopped on a speeding street cleaner, threw off her clothes, and screamed into the wind, because hey, ain't life grand? To top it all off, "Garden State" was showing on a movie channel.\nWhat the hell? Why do these people get to live such deep, meaningful lives, while I'm stuck here watching Borat in my pajamas? This was going to change. From that moment, no word would leave my mouth that would not be worthy of a Grey's voice-over. No moment would be wasted lying around doing nothing. There would always be some cool song playing in the background wherever I should venture. I would spew more feeling than a 14-year-old emo kid, blogging away on MySpace after a Jack's Mannequin concert. I have the capability to do so. After all, Rachel Bilson's character was a college sophomore (Hey, me too!) at a Big Ten school (Hey, me too!), who enjoys stalking fathers to be (Hey, me -- er -- scratch that one.)\nI already knew the key components of my quest: Deep voice-overs, cool music (Thanks, Cameron Crowe), aimless walks while looking depressed, lots of rain and eventually, a climb atop some sort of hill after I overcome my barriers, only to scream at the top of my lungs. But there was one thing I was missing: A female companion to make the journey that much more meaningful.\nSitting in my political theory class, I looked at the girl sitting next to me. She was cute and even had a trendy Natalie Portman-ish haircut (not "V for Vendetta style," I'll leave turning into a political revolutionist for next week). This was my chance. While my professor rambled on about Aristotle, I leaned over to her and whispered, "Don't you just feel like they're always teaching us the wrong thing? I mean, yeah, this stuff is interesting, but shouldn't they be teaching us how to laugh, learn, cry and above all things -- how to love?" She looked at me strangely, then buried herself back into her notes. Looks like this would be a solo mission.\nNext, it was time for the slow walk. To a viewer, I would look nearly frozen while everything behind me flew by. To help with the background music, I turned to the shuffle function on my iPod. The first song that came up was "Fun, Fun, Fun" by the Beach Boys. I tried again only to get Smoky Robinson's "Merry Christmas Baby." Future attempts were just as dismal until Green Day's "Time of Your Life" came up. An obvious choice, albeit, cliché, but it'd have to do. As I walked, I realized the trip back to my place took 15-minutes. In 15-minutes, I could cover several plot points. What I needed was a three-minute montage of photos of me and my friends striking funny poses, close-ups of us laughing, and then some sort of freeze-frame with us lying all together. Instead, the next best thing came: the bus. Not only would taking the bus back let me be lazy, but I'd be able to put my head against the window and stare insightfully.\nThroughout the week, I tried to think deep thoughts, but nothing ever came. A road trip would allow me to roll down the window and sing at the top of my lungs, but it was the middle of the week, and missing class was not an option. After all, if in five years I'm going to question where I am, I need the education to get stuck in the dead-end job I hate. Looks like I'll never get to know what it truly means to be a trendsetting, emotion-pouring, fun-loving, problem-solving youth.\nAfter spending hours at the library, I emerged at 2 a.m. only to find it was raining. I put my iPod on, and the song "I Like it," started. "Gonna ride this merry-go-round/ And dance like the night is never ending/ Gonna get so high on life/ You won't be able to bring me down," Natalie Maines belted. This was it, standing in the pouring rain: my life-affirming moment. And then it came to me. It's not worth trying to be something you're not. TV characters are deep because writers get paid to make them that way. If we're always trying to strive for something better than what we have, we'll never appreciate the small things. TV is an escape, and a good one at that, yet we shouldn't try to constantly escape. We'd be escaping from the only thing that's real in our lives. \nHey, wait a minute, that sounded like a voice-over. Mission accomplished!
(10/05/06 7:34pm)
"I've talked about a lot things ... I've covered a lot in my 20 years," says Janet, on the opening interlude, "Intro (20)." "But I want to keep things light, I want to have fun." And so begins 20 Years Old, a nod to Jackson's 20 years in the biz since her debut album "Control" came out. \nWith the first several tracks, Janet infuses the same heavy dance beats and bump-and-grind style of her Rhythm Nation days. These "me" songs consist of Janet commanding someone to do the dirty, sexy deeds she's never been afraid to talk about. There's "Show Me" and "Do it 2 Me." After hearing any of those, and the fun "So Excited," one can't help but wonder why they weren't used as the album's first single, instead of the mid-tempo "Call on Me" featuring Nelly. \nNever heard it? No surprise. It's been pretty much absent from the airwaves and was overshadowed by the likes of Fergie, Nelly Furtado and Beyoncé all summer. After her last album, Damita Jo, tanked due to the overblown Superbowl fiasco, Janet's just itching for a comeback. \nThe first several tracks are vivacious, but about halfway through, the album slows down. Instead of being the life of the party, she sounds more content to be just another guest sitting in the corner, tapping her foot with the music. Janet whispers her way through many of these songs, telling her boyfriend she'd like to escape to a private room to do some snuggling and eventually, well, you know. She sings so softly it's hard to recognize that some of the more adult lyrics are actually a bit childish. "I get sensitive when you work/It feels so good when it hurts," she sings on "Take Care." On "Enjoy," we're told to "Just enjoy the simple things/Enjoy the day life brings." That's sweet, Janet, but I'm pretty sure I've seen that embroidered on a small pillow at Hobby Lobby. Luckily, the song's execution doesn't make it sound as corny.\nFor a powerful title like "20 Years Old," and such an extensive career, it's a little disappointing that Janet favors sexuality over self-reflection. There's nothing about how it felt to be hated by half the country for two seconds of television controversy. Or what it's like to be one of music's most successful artists. Nope, the only real mention of her career is joking about her guest spot on "Good Times" back in the 70s. You've got to hand it to Janet, though. No masterpiece, but maybe there's a worthy toast to 20 years in here somewhere.
(10/05/06 4:00am)
"I've talked about a lot things ... I've covered a lot in my 20 years," says Janet, on the opening interlude, "Intro (20)." "But I want to keep things light, I want to have fun." And so begins 20 Years Old, a nod to Jackson's 20 years in the biz since her debut album "Control" came out. \nWith the first several tracks, Janet infuses the same heavy dance beats and bump-and-grind style of her Rhythm Nation days. These "me" songs consist of Janet commanding someone to do the dirty, sexy deeds she's never been afraid to talk about. There's "Show Me" and "Do it 2 Me." After hearing any of those, and the fun "So Excited," one can't help but wonder why they weren't used as the album's first single, instead of the mid-tempo "Call on Me" featuring Nelly. \nNever heard it? No surprise. It's been pretty much absent from the airwaves and was overshadowed by the likes of Fergie, Nelly Furtado and Beyoncé all summer. After her last album, Damita Jo, tanked due to the overblown Superbowl fiasco, Janet's just itching for a comeback. \nThe first several tracks are vivacious, but about halfway through, the album slows down. Instead of being the life of the party, she sounds more content to be just another guest sitting in the corner, tapping her foot with the music. Janet whispers her way through many of these songs, telling her boyfriend she'd like to escape to a private room to do some snuggling and eventually, well, you know. She sings so softly it's hard to recognize that some of the more adult lyrics are actually a bit childish. "I get sensitive when you work/It feels so good when it hurts," she sings on "Take Care." On "Enjoy," we're told to "Just enjoy the simple things/Enjoy the day life brings." That's sweet, Janet, but I'm pretty sure I've seen that embroidered on a small pillow at Hobby Lobby. Luckily, the song's execution doesn't make it sound as corny.\nFor a powerful title like "20 Years Old," and such an extensive career, it's a little disappointing that Janet favors sexuality over self-reflection. There's nothing about how it felt to be hated by half the country for two seconds of television controversy. Or what it's like to be one of music's most successful artists. Nope, the only real mention of her career is joking about her guest spot on "Good Times" back in the 70s. You've got to hand it to Janet, though. No masterpiece, but maybe there's a worthy toast to 20 years in here somewhere.
(10/05/06 4:00am)
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Yeah, I wrote that. Sounds deep, huh? Ok, I didn't really write it. I got it off some crappy Web site, but as current film and television trends suggest, as a twenty-something, I would be easily capable of ripping that quote down and taking shameless credit for it.\nLast week I went to see "The Last Kiss." Zach Braff plays a guy who has a quarter-life crisis and seeks one last fling with college co-ed Rachel Bilson. Upon their first meeting, Bilson spews the prophetic words, "The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking long before our parents did because we don't ever stop to breathe anymore," and then places her hand on Braff's heart. Umm... whatever happened to "Hi, my name is Kim, nice to meet you?" Nope, these days we must waste no time with conventional conversation. The world is moving too fast.\nAfter the movie, "Grey's Anatomy" was on, where resident voice of God, Meredith Grey, is always on hand overcoming obstacles and issues. She may not have the answer to all of life's problems, but give her a cool indie rock song to speak over, and she'll provide hope in the form of the almighty voice-over. Then, on "Six Degrees" it was Jay Hernandez's turn to inform us of the magic of New York -- where anything and everything can happen, and everyone is thrilled to be living life to the fullest. Within seconds, Erika Christensen hopped on a speeding street cleaner, threw off her clothes, and screamed into the wind, because hey, ain't life grand? To top it all off, "Garden State" was showing on a movie channel.\nWhat the hell? Why do these people get to live such deep, meaningful lives, while I'm stuck here watching Borat in my pajamas? This was going to change. From that moment, no word would leave my mouth that would not be worthy of a Grey's voice-over. No moment would be wasted lying around doing nothing. There would always be some cool song playing in the background wherever I should venture. I would spew more feeling than a 14-year-old emo kid, blogging away on MySpace after a Jack's Mannequin concert. I have the capability to do so. After all, Rachel Bilson's character was a college sophomore (Hey, me too!) at a Big Ten school (Hey, me too!), who enjoys stalking fathers to be (Hey, me -- er -- scratch that one.)\nI already knew the key components of my quest: Deep voice-overs, cool music (Thanks, Cameron Crowe), aimless walks while looking depressed, lots of rain and eventually, a climb atop some sort of hill after I overcome my barriers, only to scream at the top of my lungs. But there was one thing I was missing: A female companion to make the journey that much more meaningful.\nSitting in my political theory class, I looked at the girl sitting next to me. She was cute and even had a trendy Natalie Portman-ish haircut (not "V for Vendetta style," I'll leave turning into a political revolutionist for next week). This was my chance. While my professor rambled on about Aristotle, I leaned over to her and whispered, "Don't you just feel like they're always teaching us the wrong thing? I mean, yeah, this stuff is interesting, but shouldn't they be teaching us how to laugh, learn, cry and above all things -- how to love?" She looked at me strangely, then buried herself back into her notes. Looks like this would be a solo mission.\nNext, it was time for the slow walk. To a viewer, I would look nearly frozen while everything behind me flew by. To help with the background music, I turned to the shuffle function on my iPod. The first song that came up was "Fun, Fun, Fun" by the Beach Boys. I tried again only to get Smoky Robinson's "Merry Christmas Baby." Future attempts were just as dismal until Green Day's "Time of Your Life" came up. An obvious choice, albeit, cliché, but it'd have to do. As I walked, I realized the trip back to my place took 15-minutes. In 15-minutes, I could cover several plot points. What I needed was a three-minute montage of photos of me and my friends striking funny poses, close-ups of us laughing, and then some sort of freeze-frame with us lying all together. Instead, the next best thing came: the bus. Not only would taking the bus back let me be lazy, but I'd be able to put my head against the window and stare insightfully.\nThroughout the week, I tried to think deep thoughts, but nothing ever came. A road trip would allow me to roll down the window and sing at the top of my lungs, but it was the middle of the week, and missing class was not an option. After all, if in five years I'm going to question where I am, I need the education to get stuck in the dead-end job I hate. Looks like I'll never get to know what it truly means to be a trendsetting, emotion-pouring, fun-loving, problem-solving youth.\nAfter spending hours at the library, I emerged at 2 a.m. only to find it was raining. I put my iPod on, and the song "I Like it," started. "Gonna ride this merry-go-round/ And dance like the night is never ending/ Gonna get so high on life/ You won't be able to bring me down," Natalie Maines belted. This was it, standing in the pouring rain: my life-affirming moment. And then it came to me. It's not worth trying to be something you're not. TV characters are deep because writers get paid to make them that way. If we're always trying to strive for something better than what we have, we'll never appreciate the small things. TV is an escape, and a good one at that, yet we shouldn't try to constantly escape. We'd be escaping from the only thing that's real in our lives. \nHey, wait a minute, that sounded like a voice-over. Mission accomplished!
(09/28/06 4:00am)
It's here, it's finally here: TV premiere week! Sure this summer had "Entourage" and Tim Gunn's stroke victim--like squeals of "make it work" to hold us over, but there's no better feeling than rejoining old friends and making new ones. My poor TiVo, I'm not sure if she'll be able to handle the overload of recording her master has thrust upon her. But how else to decide which new shows to get addicted to and which to cancel? Fortunately for you, I'm here to clue you in.
(09/28/06 3:18am)
It's here, it's finally here: TV premiere week! Sure this summer had "Entourage" and Tim Gunn's stroke victim--like squeals of "make it work" to hold us over, but there's no better feeling than rejoining old friends and making new ones. My poor TiVo, I'm not sure if she'll be able to handle the overload of recording her master has thrust upon her. But how else to decide which new shows to get addicted to and which to cancel? Fortunately for you, I'm here to clue you in.
(09/14/06 6:44pm)
It must have been a daunting task for Beyoncé and her producers to choose the first single for her new album, "B'day." All pop records need that upbeat first single to drive album sales, and in "B'day"'s case, any of 10 tracks would have been sufficient. They're that good. If Columbia Records is smart they'll milk the album for all it's worth, releasing single after single after single.\nThe album begins with "Déjà Vu," with Beyoncé singing "bass" (enter bass) then "high-hat" (cue a nifty little high-hat shuffle) followed by collaborator/boyfriend Jay-Z. Soon Beyoncé's off, away with the blaring trumpets that have come to fit her musical style so well. Next up is "Get Me Bodied" which uses the album's common formula: some clapping, a voice in the background shouting "hey" and Beyoncé's voice accompanying an infectious beat while singing some form of "ohhh, ohhh" repeatedly. It's a set-up that sounds bad on paper, but works extremely well when heard.\nThe song (and several others) features intensely heavy bass. Even after turning the bass setting down to -8, my speakers were still pounding. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the sound may be better suited for large entertainment systems rather than home devices.\nBeyoncé continues with some old school funk on "Suga Mamma" before suddenly getting pissed on "Ring the Alarm." The album's second single is unusually angry territory for the often timid Ms. Knowles, but is the actual alarm really necessary?\nOn "Kitty Kat," B, as she refers to herself, blurts "I'm not feelin' it." I'd have to agree. The song is by no means bad, but it can't keep up with the expeditious pace of the other tracks. Beyoncé lets women know the best way to grab a guy's attention is to wear a hot outfit on "Freakum Dress." The song works in the same way as this so called "Freakum Dress," commanding the room, asserting the principal characters, showcasing Beyoncé's dominance.\nBeyoncé decides to end the album on a slower note with two exceptional ballads, "Irreplaceable" and "Resentment." The somber songs wonderfully capture the emotion of ending a relationship with simultaneous anger, sadness and empowerment. "Irreplaceable" includes a welcome, soothing acoustic guitar, an instrument absent from the rest of the album. "Resentment" sounds like it could've been sung by her old group, Destiny's Child, due to its background female harmony.\nFor some reason the album contains only 10 tracks. Beyoncé, who co-wrote all the songs with several other writers, probably could've turned out more, but, fortunately, if the listener waits a few seconds after the end of "Resentment" there's a bonus track, "Listen," from her upcoming film "Dreamgirls." The song is a powerhouse number that is good news for the film. Based on the hit Broadway show, if all the film's performances are this show-stopping, it should be damn entertaining. "Listen" is an original song that wasn't in the show, and with it Beyoncé has pretty much secured a win for the Best Original Song Oscar next year. On the tracks she belts "I don't know where I belong/I'll be moving on/now I've got to find my own." Trust us B, with "B'day," you've found your perfect place. Don't move on from there.
(09/14/06 4:00am)
With "Idlewild," popular hip-hop duo Outkast try to reimagine old school gangster films and classic Hollywood musicals by injecting their modern rap style. It's an ambitious task. When it works, it works extremely well, but it often strains to connect the dots from element to element.\nSet in prohibition-era Georgia, the film follows life-long friends Percival (André Benjamin) and Rooster (Big Boi), who work at a speakeasy called "Church." Reserved Percival, who's been unhappily laboring away at his father's (Ben Veeren) funeral home for years instead of realizing his dreams as a songwriter, escapes through his piano while he backs up frontman Rooster (think a hip-hop Fred Astaire). When the club's owner is murdered by gangster Trumpy (Terrence Howard), Rooster inherits Church, and its debt, and turns things around by hiring a celebrity singer, Angel Davenport (newcomer Paula Patton). Unsatisfied by his payments, Trumpy starts a war with Rooster while Percival falls for Angel.\nThe film's savior is director Bryan Barber, who fills the film with lots of eye candy and popping effects. Barber brings much of the similar, original style to the film that he did to the music videos he's directed for the group. There's frenzied camera shifting, flipping and twirling. In some shots certain people freeze completely, while others' movements are sped up and mixed like a record player. Newspaper photos come to life, a talking flask offers Rooster advice, and dance scenes are slowed down to show just how elaborate and complex the choreography is. The style, similar to "Moulin Rouge," is something that could only be obtained through the median of film. \nBarber's contributions to the film aren't all positive; he also wrote the weak script. The story is pure paint-by-numbers gangster material thrown in with the whole "hardworking son trying to escape his overbearing father" arc. The film's voice-over, provided by Percival, gives us the age-old lesson: all the world's a stage and we're just performers making entrances and exits. Cliches making your head spin yet? \nWhat's worse, the film has trouble focusing on one specific plot element and irritatingly goes back and forth from the love story, the family issues, and the mafia war.\nConsidering this is a musical, the musical numbers should be the best part. However, they're too few and the music, while not bad, doesn't really fuse with the jazz style it seeks to. The background score is more entertaining that the original songs. While the songs may not shine, watching them performed is fun due to the cool way they're filmed. But, um, how do you make a musical and not have singing legends Vereen and Patti LaBelle (who makes a cameo) show their A game? Like much else in Idlewild, sheen takes the place of solidity, and the audience is left wanting.
(09/14/06 4:00am)
It must have been a daunting task for Beyoncé and her producers to choose the first single for her new album, "B'day." All pop records need that upbeat first single to drive album sales, and in "B'day"'s case, any of 10 tracks would have been sufficient. They're that good. If Columbia Records is smart they'll milk the album for all it's worth, releasing single after single after single.\nThe album begins with "Déjà Vu," with Beyoncé singing "bass" (enter bass) then "high-hat" (cue a nifty little high-hat shuffle) followed by collaborator/boyfriend Jay-Z. Soon Beyoncé's off, away with the blaring trumpets that have come to fit her musical style so well. Next up is "Get Me Bodied" which uses the album's common formula: some clapping, a voice in the background shouting "hey" and Beyoncé's voice accompanying an infectious beat while singing some form of "ohhh, ohhh" repeatedly. It's a set-up that sounds bad on paper, but works extremely well when heard.\nThe song (and several others) features intensely heavy bass. Even after turning the bass setting down to -8, my speakers were still pounding. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the sound may be better suited for large entertainment systems rather than home devices.\nBeyoncé continues with some old school funk on "Suga Mamma" before suddenly getting pissed on "Ring the Alarm." The album's second single is unusually angry territory for the often timid Ms. Knowles, but is the actual alarm really necessary?\nOn "Kitty Kat," B, as she refers to herself, blurts "I'm not feelin' it." I'd have to agree. The song is by no means bad, but it can't keep up with the expeditious pace of the other tracks. Beyoncé lets women know the best way to grab a guy's attention is to wear a hot outfit on "Freakum Dress." The song works in the same way as this so called "Freakum Dress," commanding the room, asserting the principal characters, showcasing Beyoncé's dominance.\nBeyoncé decides to end the album on a slower note with two exceptional ballads, "Irreplaceable" and "Resentment." The somber songs wonderfully capture the emotion of ending a relationship with simultaneous anger, sadness and empowerment. "Irreplaceable" includes a welcome, soothing acoustic guitar, an instrument absent from the rest of the album. "Resentment" sounds like it could've been sung by her old group, Destiny's Child, due to its background female harmony.\nFor some reason the album contains only 10 tracks. Beyoncé, who co-wrote all the songs with several other writers, probably could've turned out more, but, fortunately, if the listener waits a few seconds after the end of "Resentment" there's a bonus track, "Listen," from her upcoming film "Dreamgirls." The song is a powerhouse number that is good news for the film. Based on the hit Broadway show, if all the film's performances are this show-stopping, it should be damn entertaining. "Listen" is an original song that wasn't in the show, and with it Beyoncé has pretty much secured a win for the Best Original Song Oscar next year. On the tracks she belts "I don't know where I belong/I'll be moving on/now I've got to find my own." Trust us B, with "B'day," you've found your perfect place. Don't move on from there.
(09/14/06 2:51am)
With "Idlewild," popular hip-hop duo Outkast try to reimagine old school gangster films and classic Hollywood musicals by injecting their modern rap style. It's an ambitious task. When it works, it works extremely well, but it often strains to connect the dots from element to element.\nSet in prohibition-era Georgia, the film follows life-long friends Percival (André Benjamin) and Rooster (Big Boi), who work at a speakeasy called "Church." Reserved Percival, who's been unhappily laboring away at his father's (Ben Veeren) funeral home for years instead of realizing his dreams as a songwriter, escapes through his piano while he backs up frontman Rooster (think a hip-hop Fred Astaire). When the club's owner is murdered by gangster Trumpy (Terrence Howard), Rooster inherits Church, and its debt, and turns things around by hiring a celebrity singer, Angel Davenport (newcomer Paula Patton). Unsatisfied by his payments, Trumpy starts a war with Rooster while Percival falls for Angel.\nThe film's savior is director Bryan Barber, who fills the film with lots of eye candy and popping effects. Barber brings much of the similar, original style to the film that he did to the music videos he's directed for the group. There's frenzied camera shifting, flipping and twirling. In some shots certain people freeze completely, while others' movements are sped up and mixed like a record player. Newspaper photos come to life, a talking flask offers Rooster advice, and dance scenes are slowed down to show just how elaborate and complex the choreography is. The style, similar to "Moulin Rouge," is something that could only be obtained through the median of film. \nBarber's contributions to the film aren't all positive; he also wrote the weak script. The story is pure paint-by-numbers gangster material thrown in with the whole "hardworking son trying to escape his overbearing father" arc. The film's voice-over, provided by Percival, gives us the age-old lesson: all the world's a stage and we're just performers making entrances and exits. Cliches making your head spin yet? \nWhat's worse, the film has trouble focusing on one specific plot element and irritatingly goes back and forth from the love story, the family issues, and the mafia war.\nConsidering this is a musical, the musical numbers should be the best part. However, they're too few and the music, while not bad, doesn't really fuse with the jazz style it seeks to. The background score is more entertaining that the original songs. While the songs may not shine, watching them performed is fun due to the cool way they're filmed. But, um, how do you make a musical and not have singing legends Vereen and Patti LaBelle (who makes a cameo) show their A game? Like much else in Idlewild, sheen takes the place of solidity, and the audience is left wanting.
(08/31/06 4:00am)
Hilary Duff, what the hell? Why do you keep agreeing to do these crappy movies? You left Disney and deprived us from witnessing Lizzie McGuire's high school years so you wouldn't be branded as a teen star. But since then you've done nothing but these bad kid movies! But the blame for "Material Girls" can't all be put on Hilary, and while it sucks, it really is nothing more than a watchable bad movie.\nHilary and sister Haylie play Tanzie and Ava Marchetta, two cosmetic heiress socialites forced to fend for themselves when their deceased father's company falls victim to scandal and they end up bankrupt. Some of the products cause skin damage and their father knew all along, but tried to cover it up. Turns out daddy's innocent and the girls set out to prove it so they can clear the family name before they are forced to sell the company to rival Fabiella (Anjelica Huston.) Poor Anjelica. While Meryl got to so wonderfully sick her fangs into "The Devil Wears Prada" earlier this summer, she got stuck with this.\nBecause it's a sister movie there's the obligatory drama. However the arguments never really feel like they were actually written into the script. Instead it's as if there was a bullet point saying, "ok throw in a little drama here but have them make up by the next page." Because the dialogue isn't strong there's nothing for the Duffs to work with, so their acting tends to often fall flat. \nThis movie is supposed to be fluff. So it gets extremely awkward when immigration issues get brought up. After the sisters' mansion burns down they move in with their Colombian housekeeper, Inez, who just happens to have two extra beds she's saving for her daughters for when they come to America. "Have you ever heard of post-9/11 immigration delays," Inez asks Ava, who replies with a blank, confused stare that much of the audience will be sharing. In the end when all is well there's a scene with Inez kissing her daughters goodnight in their new beds. How did they finally get there, no explanation is given, just that Ava one promised to bring them over. \nFor some reason director Martha Coolidge (and pretty much every director of a movie like this that's been released in the last five years) feels the need to continuously use wipes to edit and split screens. It's annoying and distracting. But then again that's what the movie itself is, a distraction from everyday life that ends up being annoying.
(08/31/06 2:42am)
Hilary Duff, what the hell? Why do you keep agreeing to do these crappy movies? You left Disney and deprived us from witnessing Lizzie McGuire's high school years so you wouldn't be branded as a teen star. But since then you've done nothing but these bad kid movies! But the blame for "Material Girls" can't all be put on Hilary, and while it sucks, it really is nothing more than a watchable bad movie.\nHilary and sister Haylie play Tanzie and Ava Marchetta, two cosmetic heiress socialites forced to fend for themselves when their deceased father's company falls victim to scandal and they end up bankrupt. Some of the products cause skin damage and their father knew all along, but tried to cover it up. Turns out daddy's innocent and the girls set out to prove it so they can clear the family name before they are forced to sell the company to rival Fabiella (Anjelica Huston.) Poor Anjelica. While Meryl got to so wonderfully sick her fangs into "The Devil Wears Prada" earlier this summer, she got stuck with this.\nBecause it's a sister movie there's the obligatory drama. However the arguments never really feel like they were actually written into the script. Instead it's as if there was a bullet point saying, "ok throw in a little drama here but have them make up by the next page." Because the dialogue isn't strong there's nothing for the Duffs to work with, so their acting tends to often fall flat. \nThis movie is supposed to be fluff. So it gets extremely awkward when immigration issues get brought up. After the sisters' mansion burns down they move in with their Colombian housekeeper, Inez, who just happens to have two extra beds she's saving for her daughters for when they come to America. "Have you ever heard of post-9/11 immigration delays," Inez asks Ava, who replies with a blank, confused stare that much of the audience will be sharing. In the end when all is well there's a scene with Inez kissing her daughters goodnight in their new beds. How did they finally get there, no explanation is given, just that Ava one promised to bring them over. \nFor some reason director Martha Coolidge (and pretty much every director of a movie like this that's been released in the last five years) feels the need to continuously use wipes to edit and split screens. It's annoying and distracting. But then again that's what the movie itself is, a distraction from everyday life that ends up being annoying.
(08/24/06 4:00am)
Take a deep breath. Feel that stuff going in and out of your lungs? It's air, enjoy it because during "The Descent" you're going to need lots of it. OK, OK, so you're probably thinking, "Hey, this movie came out last year; it was called 'The Cave.'" Well, that movie sucked. Fine, I never saw it. But I'm assuming it sucked, and this one is, well, pretty awesome and scary.\nDirector Neil Marshall ("Dog Soldiers") made this horror hit with almost no budget and it shows, but in a good way. The film follows a group of female cave-exploring adventure seekers who head out on a weekend spelunking trip. Hoping to discover a new location, one of them decides to bring her friends to uncharted territory. But things don't go as planned. A landslide seals shut the opening of the cave and the women become trapped hundreds of feet below the earth. The first half of the film works in the same manner as "Open Water" and "The Blair Witch Project," dealing with the fear of claustrophobia and knowing your life is about to end. \nThe camera movements and minimal lighting excellently create the feeling that the audience is stuck inside as well. Several times throughout the movie I reached out in front of me to remind myself I was safely in a movie theater. The fear of claustrophobia thing would've been satisfying enough, but as the film progresses, it turns out the cave isn't all that it seems to be.\nEventually the ladies discover some Gollum-like, unevolved, inhuman creatures lurking in the deep. Unfortunately for them, these things turn out to be cannibals so for the remainder of the movie, it's a run-and-hide, try-not-to-get-eaten, kill-some-creatures-along-the-way deal. Here's where most people will probably get their share of scares. The creepy-looking critters are always popping out of nowhere, making for some startling moments. However, as the women try to escape, some past secrets get revealed and there's some female drama. But something tells me when you've got fucking cannibal creatures chasing after you, you're not going to give a shit about who slept with whose boyfriend. It can be viewed as a study of how women deal with crises, but since their dilemma is man-eating monsters, it can't be very apt.\nThe body count is high and there's blood galore, so be warned. But this is a much smarter than average horror film that's worth spelunking down to.
(08/24/06 4:00am)
Full disclosure: I've been saying Christina should do the whole 1940s-Betty Boop-swing thing for years. She's got the perfect voice for this kind of stuff and she's the one who should be releasing albums of American standards, not Rod Stewart.\nAguilera starts out by thanking all the musicians of that era who have inspired and influenced her, yet she does it more literally than musically. While she sings "I've waited some time/to get inside the minds/of every legend I've wanted to stand beside," she doesn't quite get "back to basics." Instead, the first part of the album has more of a contemporary R&B sound.\nWhen she does the jazz-era sound, the songs sound more like covers of older songs from the time period than new, updated songs with a swing feeling, which was done so well on the album's first single, "Ain't No Other Man".\nAnd one needs only to take a peek in the cover booklet to see that nearly all the album's tracks are sampled from others. However, because the vamp style suits her vocals so well, it's still enjoyable, even if the songs aren't as original. "Candyman" is a fun little ditty reminiscent of "The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy". I hope a music video gets made for "Nasty Naughty Boy". While listening to it, you can imagine Christina sprawled across a piano in a bright red, sequined dress, Jessica Rabbit-ing it up.\nAs that song's title shows, Aguilera's new sound isn't as innocent as it sounds. X-tina is still front and center on the track when she belts out "I'm gonna give you a little taste/of the sugar below my waist". On "Still Dirrty," she lets us know "I still got that nasty in me/still got that dirty degree" while at the same time getting some good points about gender roles across. Plus, the song has a really cool trumpet thing going on in the background.\nOn "Hurt" and "Save Me From Myself" she does the whole overblown, hold-notes-for-as-long-and-high-as-possible thing that we've come to know from Christina's ballads. But since she can pull it off that well, would we really want her any other way?\nOther highlights include "Slow Down Baby" and "Welcome," but steer clear of the self-indulgent "Thank You," where voicetracks from fans portray Aguilera as a saint on earth. With Jessica, Beyonce, Fergie, Justin and a slew of other divas releasing albums in the upcoming weeks, Christina's got a good early lead.
(08/24/06 2:34am)
Full disclosure: I've been saying Christina should do the whole 1940s-Betty Boop-swing thing for years. She's got the perfect voice for this kind of stuff and she's the one who should be releasing albums of American standards, not Rod Stewart.\nAguilera starts out by thanking all the musicians of that era who have inspired and influenced her, yet she does it more literally than musically. While she sings "I've waited some time/to get inside the minds/of every legend I've wanted to stand beside," she doesn't quite get "back to basics." Instead, the first part of the album has more of a contemporary R&B sound.\nWhen she does the jazz-era sound, the songs sound more like covers of older songs from the time period than new, updated songs with a swing feeling, which was done so well on the album's first single, "Ain't No Other Man".\nAnd one needs only to take a peek in the cover booklet to see that nearly all the album's tracks are sampled from others. However, because the vamp style suits her vocals so well, it's still enjoyable, even if the songs aren't as original. "Candyman" is a fun little ditty reminiscent of "The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy". I hope a music video gets made for "Nasty Naughty Boy". While listening to it, you can imagine Christina sprawled across a piano in a bright red, sequined dress, Jessica Rabbit-ing it up.\nAs that song's title shows, Aguilera's new sound isn't as innocent as it sounds. X-tina is still front and center on the track when she belts out "I'm gonna give you a little taste/of the sugar below my waist". On "Still Dirrty," she lets us know "I still got that nasty in me/still got that dirty degree" while at the same time getting some good points about gender roles across. Plus, the song has a really cool trumpet thing going on in the background.\nOn "Hurt" and "Save Me From Myself" she does the whole overblown, hold-notes-for-as-long-and-high-as-possible thing that we've come to know from Christina's ballads. But since she can pull it off that well, would we really want her any other way?\nOther highlights include "Slow Down Baby" and "Welcome," but steer clear of the self-indulgent "Thank You," where voicetracks from fans portray Aguilera as a saint on earth. With Jessica, Beyonce, Fergie, Justin and a slew of other divas releasing albums in the upcoming weeks, Christina's got a good early lead.
(08/24/06 2:15am)
Take a deep breath. Feel that stuff going in and out of your lungs? It's air, enjoy it because during "The Descent" you're going to need lots of it. OK, OK, so you're probably thinking, "Hey, this movie came out last year; it was called 'The Cave.'" Well, that movie sucked. Fine, I never saw it. But I'm assuming it sucked, and this one is, well, pretty awesome and scary.\nDirector Neil Marshall ("Dog Soldiers") made this horror hit with almost no budget and it shows, but in a good way. The film follows a group of female cave-exploring adventure seekers who head out on a weekend spelunking trip. Hoping to discover a new location, one of them decides to bring her friends to uncharted territory. But things don't go as planned. A landslide seals shut the opening of the cave and the women become trapped hundreds of feet below the earth. The first half of the film works in the same manner as "Open Water" and "The Blair Witch Project," dealing with the fear of claustrophobia and knowing your life is about to end. \nThe camera movements and minimal lighting excellently create the feeling that the audience is stuck inside as well. Several times throughout the movie I reached out in front of me to remind myself I was safely in a movie theater. The fear of claustrophobia thing would've been satisfying enough, but as the film progresses, it turns out the cave isn't all that it seems to be.\nEventually the ladies discover some Gollum-like, unevolved, inhuman creatures lurking in the deep. Unfortunately for them, these things turn out to be cannibals so for the remainder of the movie, it's a run-and-hide, try-not-to-get-eaten, kill-some-creatures-along-the-way deal. Here's where most people will probably get their share of scares. The creepy-looking critters are always popping out of nowhere, making for some startling moments. However, as the women try to escape, some past secrets get revealed and there's some female drama. But something tells me when you've got fucking cannibal creatures chasing after you, you're not going to give a shit about who slept with whose boyfriend. It can be viewed as a study of how women deal with crises, but since their dilemma is man-eating monsters, it can't be very apt.\nThe body count is high and there's blood galore, so be warned. But this is a much smarter than average horror film that's worth spelunking down to.
(08/03/06 4:00am)
With "The Ant Bully," "Monster House" and "Barnyard" all in theaters, how's an 8-year-old supposed to choose what movie to beg their parents into submission to take them to see. Well, uh, if you were an 8-year-old, "The Ant Bully" would be a decent choice. \nSick of being picked on by the neighborhood bully, nerdy Lucas takes his anger out on the helpless ant colony in his lawn. Fed up with the destruction to his society that Lucas causes, Zoc (Nicolas Cage,) the wizard ant (yes, a wizard ant, sounds dumb, but the plot needs to start somehow) creates a potion that shrinks Lucas to ant size. Put on trial for his crimes, the Ant Queen (an underused Meryl Streep, how do you underuse Meryl?!?) orders Lucas to work amongst the ants to learn and appreciate their ways. \nGoing into the film I tried very hard to keep an open mind and not constantly compare it to "A Bug's Life" and "Antz," but it was near impossible not to. Yes, "The Ant Bully" does a good job of animating an ant colony and depicting how the human world looks to such small creatures, but it felt much more fresh and original back in 1998 when the other bug movies were released. Heck, even before that with 1989's "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." \nAs Zoc, Cage is, well, interesting to say the least. In the beginning his vocals are all over the place and quite painful to listen to. However as the film progresses he gets a hold of things and gives the best performance in the film, until suddenly he begins awkwardly pausing mid-sentence, sounding like the "Family Guy" impersonation of William Shatner. Supporting Cage is a slew of Hollywood A-listers including Julia Roberts, Paul Giamatti, Regina King, Bruce Campbell and the neglected Lily Tomlin and Cheri O'Teri as Lucas' mom and grandma. All do a fine job, but why do studios insist on hiring pricey, big names for cartoons rather than finding actors best suited for the role? The actors might get parents to buy tickets easier, but is anybody really viewing this as Julia's return since the twins?\nThe movie is heavy on morals, which will get tedious for older audiences. But it's probably a good thing kids learn the ants' values of not being selfish and putting society's needs in front of your own. That way they don't grow up to be rude assholes and can function as good citizens in society. But come to think of it, this sounds more like a communist civilization. Oh well, good thing this didn't come out in the 50s or McCarthy would've been all over director John Davis' ass.