Live every voice-over to the fullest

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Yeah, I wrote that. Sounds deep, huh? Ok, I didn't really write it. I got it off some crappy Web site, but as current film and television trends suggest, as a twenty-something, I would be easily capable of ripping that quote down and taking shameless credit for it.\nLast week I went to see "The Last Kiss." Zach Braff plays a guy who has a quarter-life crisis and seeks one last fling with college co-ed Rachel Bilson. Upon their first meeting, Bilson spews the prophetic words, "The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking long before our parents did because we don't ever stop to breathe anymore," and then places her hand on Braff's heart. Umm... whatever happened to "Hi, my name is Kim, nice to meet you?" Nope, these days we must waste no time with conventional conversation. The world is moving too fast.\nAfter the movie, "Grey's Anatomy" was on, where resident voice of God, Meredith Grey, is always on hand overcoming obstacles and issues. She may not have the answer to all of life's problems, but give her a cool indie rock song to speak over, and she'll provide hope in the form of the almighty voice-over. Then, on "Six Degrees" it was Jay Hernandez's turn to inform us of the magic of New York -- where anything and everything can happen, and everyone is thrilled to be living life to the fullest. Within seconds, Erika Christensen hopped on a speeding street cleaner, threw off her clothes, and screamed into the wind, because hey, ain't life grand? To top it all off, "Garden State" was showing on a movie channel.\nWhat the hell? Why do these people get to live such deep, meaningful lives, while I'm stuck here watching Borat in my pajamas? This was going to change. From that moment, no word would leave my mouth that would not be worthy of a Grey's voice-over. No moment would be wasted lying around doing nothing. There would always be some cool song playing in the background wherever I should venture. I would spew more feeling than a 14-year-old emo kid, blogging away on MySpace after a Jack's Mannequin concert. I have the capability to do so. After all, Rachel Bilson's character was a college sophomore (Hey, me too!) at a Big Ten school (Hey, me too!), who enjoys stalking fathers to be (Hey, me -- er -- scratch that one.)\nI already knew the key components of my quest: Deep voice-overs, cool music (Thanks, Cameron Crowe), aimless walks while looking depressed, lots of rain and eventually, a climb atop some sort of hill after I overcome my barriers, only to scream at the top of my lungs. But there was one thing I was missing: A female companion to make the journey that much more meaningful.\nSitting in my political theory class, I looked at the girl sitting next to me. She was cute and even had a trendy Natalie Portman-ish haircut (not "V for Vendetta style," I'll leave turning into a political revolutionist for next week). This was my chance. While my professor rambled on about Aristotle, I leaned over to her and whispered, "Don't you just feel like they're always teaching us the wrong thing? I mean, yeah, this stuff is interesting, but shouldn't they be teaching us how to laugh, learn, cry and above all things -- how to love?" She looked at me strangely, then buried herself back into her notes. Looks like this would be a solo mission.\nNext, it was time for the slow walk. To a viewer, I would look nearly frozen while everything behind me flew by. To help with the background music, I turned to the shuffle function on my iPod. The first song that came up was "Fun, Fun, Fun" by the Beach Boys. I tried again only to get Smoky Robinson's "Merry Christmas Baby." Future attempts were just as dismal until Green Day's "Time of Your Life" came up. An obvious choice, albeit, cliché, but it'd have to do. As I walked, I realized the trip back to my place took 15-minutes. In 15-minutes, I could cover several plot points. What I needed was a three-minute montage of photos of me and my friends striking funny poses, close-ups of us laughing, and then some sort of freeze-frame with us lying all together. Instead, the next best thing came: the bus. Not only would taking the bus back let me be lazy, but I'd be able to put my head against the window and stare insightfully.\nThroughout the week, I tried to think deep thoughts, but nothing ever came. A road trip would allow me to roll down the window and sing at the top of my lungs, but it was the middle of the week, and missing class was not an option. After all, if in five years I'm going to question where I am, I need the education to get stuck in the dead-end job I hate. Looks like I'll never get to know what it truly means to be a trendsetting, emotion-pouring, fun-loving, problem-solving youth.\nAfter spending hours at the library, I emerged at 2 a.m. only to find it was raining. I put my iPod on, and the song "I Like it," started. "Gonna ride this merry-go-round/ And dance like the night is never ending/ Gonna get so high on life/ You won't be able to bring me down," Natalie Maines belted. This was it, standing in the pouring rain: my life-affirming moment. And then it came to me. It's not worth trying to be something you're not. TV characters are deep because writers get paid to make them that way. If we're always trying to strive for something better than what we have, we'll never appreciate the small things. TV is an escape, and a good one at that, yet we shouldn't try to constantly escape. We'd be escaping from the only thing that's real in our lives. \nHey, wait a minute, that sounded like a voice-over. Mission accomplished!