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(05/07/04 4:14am)
SEVILLE, Spain -- The Spanish, they all look the same. \nRemarkable, but it's heartwarming to know that Bloomington is truly a diverse campus. \n"Blasphemy! A naïve statement from a suburban youth who doesn't know what it feels like to stick out."\nWelcome to the fun house that is America.\nAside from one-sentence paragraphs, I've come to gather a few bits and pieces of awareness while spending six months here in Seville. \nNow one of the very first observations, and after my entire stint one of the most nagging, is that there is nowhere on Earth more diverse and at the same time more insecure about diversity than America -- and because we all live there, let's just go ahead and transplant that little notion over to Bloomington.\nIn a country that, for lack of a friendlier image, hip-tossed every Moor and Jew over their borders while Plymouth Rock was still simply named Rock, the idea of "integration" isn't something that comes up often on the political agenda. Spain is a country where "trabaja como un negro" ("work like a black") is a phrase that one could hear emerging from the lips of almost any God-fearing, well-intentioned Spaniard without the slightest outrage; a phrase recognized by the Real Academia Española as not something merely politically (albeit incorrectly) evolved, but a part of the national lexicon. \nBeing away from the back drop of prizefighting between sects and races and organized groups while being exposed to non-diversity in action truly makes one appreciate what America has tried -- albeit with many and persisting errors -- to correct. \nYet how does one put that awareness in perspective if the greater majority hasn't had the opportunity to take a gander over the other side of the puddle?\nFirst, let's remove this entire notion of "pride" from race, country and -- given a few exceptions -- religion. To paraphrase more discretely the words of late philosopher William Hicks when answering the question, Are you proud to be an American? and, for that matter, white or Catholic:\n"America is where my parents copulated. I really didn't have much choice in the matter."\nIf we had that image on our flag instead of our stars and stripes, would saying the Pledge in schools really ever have become such a blood-boiling issue?\nTo that matter, why should we ever feel hurt by something we had nothing to do with in the first place?\nPersonally, I take my Puerto Rican roots with a big smile on my face. I don't take pride in the fact because I wasn't responsible, but I sure do enjoy the advantage of having a history, a culture and a language with which to identify. \nWhen you look at it that way, one feels much less "different" or "isolated" from the rest of the lecture hall, but rather, a step above. It's as if I'm wearing a fine pair of Italian leather shoes to class every day and they never get scuffed. Should I feel bad that I'm the only one in Woodburn that morning sticking out? Certainly not. I feel damn good.\nSo instead of blaming administrators and professors for not turning every hour of every class into an Olympics opening ceremony, remember first that we've got the gravy compared with the rest of the industrialized world. \nInstead of brooding over how it makes you feel not to fit in while in Bloomington, try playing less the sick puppy and more the Derby champion. You stick out for a reason, because something that good only comes around once in awhile. Let everyone else get used to it instead of crying because your environment isn't a hall of mirrors.
(10/29/03 5:28am)
And Mickey rose from the grave on the third day.\nOr maybe I'm getting my stories confused.\nWhen I arrived at Walt Disney World this past weekend, I knew what I was in for. I love the place. The aesthetic is intoxicating: a regular "Truman Show" of perfection. Not one blade of grass is out of place. Not one happy thought is gone untended.\nAnd not one idea goes unsold.\nYou see, Disney has a new line of plush teddy bears available for purchase exclusively at the parks. They are the very same cute, delicately crafted, cozy little toys that we have all grown up with. \nWith one exception. This toy has history.\nIt seems the Disney Bear came into existence one night when Mickey Mouse wanted to watch the fireworks, but no one was around to join him. No Chip. No Dale. Not even Oliver and Company were available to step out. So, he did like any self-respecting mouse would do and brought his teddy bear along with him. The night was so magical, and the bond between mouse and bear was so great that Mickey gave his bear one great big mouse-hug to culminate the evening's festivities. Then -- as the little tag attached to the bear from which this story was taken tells us -- a miracle took place.\n"As soon as Mickey hugged the bear a magical Mickey head-shaped impression appeared in the bear's face, forever bonding him with Mickey."\nThe great bear of Turin! The Son of Walt, Mickey Mouse left the imprint of his face on the tiny toy, went into the desert, was tempted by Bugs Bunny, only to turn some cheese into wine and open the gates of heaven so James Earl Jones could speak down to Simba from above and save Toon Town from the Pirates of the Caribbean.\nI think that's how it goes.\n"Oh bother," I thought. "Is this some sort of Pooh coup?"\nNo, not at all. But it is a disturbing religious parallel.\nI really never had a hard time stomaching the "Walt is God" rhetoric as far as business was concerned. When I found out that Disney pumps the scents of popcorn and cotton candy through street vents in the parks to spur consumption, I told myself, "That's good marketing." But for some reason, the Disney bear makes me think perhaps something is rotten in the state of Florida. \nAfter all, they do own the entire city of Celebration, Fla. \nConspiracy theories aside, it might help to note that Walt was famous for saying, "and remember ... it all started with a mouse."\nAnd this seems innocent enough. Perhaps as innocent as "it all started with a babe." I guess my concern isn't really with where it all started, but where it all ends. \nThen again, when the human race is long gone and nothing but the tattered remains of Soldier Field and Epcot stand against the nuclear winter caused by our own crusades and jihads, perhaps I'd prefer the human race to be recorded in future texts as adhering to a mystical religion of Walt; one built on a belief in the endless stretches of the imagination; one where the Mouse performed miracles, children could fly and true love could turn a wooden puppet into a real live boy. \nThen our own end might not be laughed at as the incredible hubris of our species, our decision to kill our own in the name of faiths that supposedly all aspired toward an eternal bliss of some sort. Instead, our end would merely be another great mystery of the cosmos. A civilization of wonder and awe gone in a flash like the dinosaurs before us. \nOne that simply began with a mouse.
(09/30/03 5:10am)
I suppose this'll make Eric Rasmusen shiver in his combat boots.\nHarvey Milk High School, our nation's first state-accredited and tax-payer funded school for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students, wants to ball up. According to the New York Daily News Monday, the school is petitioning to field teams in the Public Schools Athletic League as soon as September 2004 ... begging us to think.\nAside from figuring out which team a transgendered student will suit-up with, it seems this is just the latest news from the school that presses the bigger issues. Are we indeed seeing "separate but equal" at work? The logic is almost scary.\n"There could and must be more efforts to ensure the safety and security of all children within the community, but while we are working on that, there have to be solutions for those kids who are being victimized today," said David Mensah, executive director of the Hetrick-Martin Institute, the advocacy group that founded the program on which the school is based (Washington Post, Sept. 9).\nFlash back to the 1950s. \nIn the 1952 oral arguments for Brown v. Board of Education, Virginia's attorney Justin Moore quoted Dr. Henry E. Garrett, head of the Department of Psychology of Columbia University at the time, regarding the reasons why segregation might be a preferred institution with regards to race. \n"If a Negro child goes to a school as well-equipped as that of his white neighbor," Garrett said, " ... If he had teachers of his own race and friends of his own race, it seems to me he is much less likely to develop tensions, animosities and hostilities, than if you put him into a mixed school .. "\nEerily familiar?\nOf course, the most immediate differentiating factor here is choice. The ability to decide whether or not to enter into an environment where one stands as a minority, it seems, dissolves the evils associated with the racial segregation of our past.\nBut is it the best answer?\nWe've long been committed to the notion that all minority groups have a deep desire to "fit in" that we haven't really given much thought to the idea that maybe they can't.\nDoug Bauder, coordinator of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Student Support Services, feels that, unfortunately, this might be the case.\n"We're not at a point yet where we'd like to be," he said. "Ultimately, (Harvey Milk) is not the answer, it's kind of a stop cap. Life is just too hard for too many gay kids."\nWhen America simply cannot claim that the only colors it sees are red, white and blue, what then happens to diversity education?\nWell, we're confronted with the same thing that students of Harvey Milk faced when deciding to attend the school: choice.\nIt seems that we can force diversity only so far. At some point, we have to be ready for it. This is something Bauder noted that simply hasn't been accomplished yet.\n"I don't like going this route, but I think it's important," he said. "It's a reminder that we need to work harder within our communities to create that safety."\nWhen school started Sept. 8 at Harvey Milk, protesters waved signs that read: "Sodomy, It's to Die for" and "Death Penalty for Fags," sadly proving Bauder's point. \nTo this troubling news, we can't abandon our desires for a more inclusive society, but more importantly, we can't fool ourselves into thinking we already are one.
(09/02/03 5:14am)
Much to my chagrin, I've discovered IU has been in a silent church and state debacle for ages.\nIt's there, it's glaring. Our school is sponsored by God.\nAttempting to seek an answer to IU's least-known controversy, I turn to the crooning of Tony Bennett.\n"Speak low when you speak of love," he sings with raspy flare. It's a great rule of thumb to abide by, as the ways l'amore tend to be laid around a jagged, thin line we call "the rules."\nIt's hard to give love boundaries, and that seems to be something we all agree on. \nBut would we not notice when someone uttered, "All's fair in the separation of church and state?" \nPolitics only seem to make strange bedfellows when the partners are inflamed with the passions of the libido instead of the philosophical implications of our Constitution. Engage the most focused of lovers with seeing the Ten Commandments in an Alabama courthouse and Peter North would swiftly become a Peter Jennings, leaving that lonely housewife no means with which to have her "cable fixed."\nBut emotions of the heart and ideas of the mind are completely separate arenas. Relativity within the political sphere leads one to declare: "Wafty answer. If you don't pick a side, you're not truly 'standing' for anything."\nSo what of keeping God out of public institutions? Zero-sum? Or shall we let sleeping golden calves lie?\nWell, for the Alabama government, a decision needs to be made, despite the contention. And in the case of highlighting one major religion in the house of a "blind" Lady Justice, there's no room for half answers. \nBut what about IU? It's interesting that we have quite the heavenly inscription on a prominent Bloomington monument.\nIf you're strolling in the woods behind Franklin Hall, you've probably seen the Well House. It's the large, stone gazebo where young female coeds were fabled to meet their beaus at the stroke of midnight back when the University issued curfews to prevent such trysts.\nSomething you probably haven't seen is located on the back of the small dome. Embedded in rock is the University seal with a book in its center framed by the words "Indianaensis Universitatis Sigillum." Today, we really can't read it on that center image, but on the back of the Well House, it's crystal clear.\n"Holy Bible."\nYes, this public institution seems to have been the school that God built. Our seal, the very symbol that supposedly acts as the visual representation of the campus and its works, is centered by the representation of a whole separate sect of thought, belief and law. \nDoes this mean that nameless book we find on our seal today still represents that sacred text? \nBy the transitive property of equality it may seem so. \nBut I think we know better. The image today, in all likelihood, can stand for any book that contains the knowledge and ideas we value and study here on campus. \nBut that still leaves the Holy Bible on University grounds.\n"Speak low, when you speak of God," perhaps?\nWith every case of P.C. we see, maybe a more common sense solution is necessary. When we decide to use our efforts to charge politically, engender animosity amongst our peers and break out the sledgehammers, as a group of citizens, is there a point where we simply put up?\nMaybe the rules in terms of church and state aren't that easy to decipher. Call it history. Art. A violation of your rights. Call it whatever you wish, but the question you must ask yourself first is, "Is it worth it"
(07/24/03 1:14am)
After a weekend spent at the cinema, partying and complaining about people who leave poor tips, every now and then a bit of news will spring upon you that alters your perspective not only on the present but the past as well. \nI was a student in a seminar last semester that explored modern political drama, taught by a man whose zest for the arts and devotion to meaningful expression could only be categorized as nothing less than contagious. Professor Timothy Wiles often pushed the limits of propriety and dramatic theory in class, if anything so as to show us how the arts have no boundaries and that anything, even real solutions within the political realm, could be accomplished through imaginative thinking with the use of that microscope to the guts of life known as the dramatic play.\nUnfortunately, Prof. Timothy Wiles is no longer with us today, a victim of a serious illness, depression -- one that doesn't have the advantage of manifesting itself physically upon the body. Rather, it devours its host by means of the mind, the organ with which he made his living and taught many students to expand exponentially.\nThe scar, the tumor, the physical wound almost seem evolutionarily advantageous in that they signal to outsiders that an individual is in great need of help. However, when I was a student of Wiles', I saw no blood stains on his collar. In fact, it was he who was there to aid me in my hour of need. \nOn multiple occasions, he counseled me during a stressful time when it seemed I was the root of many people's anger. He spoke openly on my behalf in those sessions, easing my pain, and even taking a public stance in class to show his support for me as a student and a friend. He guided me through the construction of a play I was writing at the time, supported my extracurricular activities and gave selflessly so that I might benefit from opportunities others might have missed. How I took for granted these grand gestures when I knew not that my worries were but a fraction of the demons he had been battling with all of his life.\nHis honesty, his willingness to confront tough issues and to freely muse intellectually in class made me feel that this was a man who was happy with his station. He showed me pictures of his wife and son and spoke to me of trips he had planned to embark upon and the stories of the many plays he had seen. \nI failed to let him know that more than a teacher, to me and to anyone else, he mattered.\nYou matter.\nIt's a concept I've written about before, given to me by one of my wisest of friends. It's what I feel our primary obligation to our fellow human beings amounts to; the ultimate failsafe. Where we can offer advice, medicine, gifts, poems and songs, none of these enables those around us to the extent that we let them know they matter.\nIt's not about us.\nIt's about others.\nOften, to treat depression or any ailment that others might have, we approach them from the standpoint of the healthy, the wise or the learned. Rarely do we approach them from the standpoint of equals, or better yet, dependents. Americans today pride their lone-wolf status, but I think that though we might not need others, we need to be needed by them. \nThis is an everyday practice, to friends, professors, parking officers and lovers alike. To learn to help not from above, but from below, that is to let them know they matter.\nThat they are needed. \nThat they are loved.\nProfessor Timothy Wiles still matters. Don't let him forget that.
(06/06/03 5:02am)
As soon as Adam Herbert was named IU's 17th president Thursday, immediately the media began asking questions regarding how the first black IU president would contribute to the University's struggles with increasing diversity. \nIn the IU board of trustees press conference held Thursday morning, Rene Jameson of WISH-TV asked Herbert to respond to an anonymous student's statement which suggested that Herbert's presence would bring a new sense of diversity to campus.\nTo the inquiry, Herbert quipped with poise.\n"It certainly is the case that having a 'Floridian' here will increase the diversity of the campus," he said.\nTrustee Patrick Shoulders commented at the beginning of the conference that issues of diversity and politics were tossed about in regards to the search but was adamant the issues did not influence the decision. After the conference he noted that race was a non-issue in selecting Herbert for the job. Rather, his qualifications are what secured him the position.\n"There were 200 applicants or more for the position, and Adam surfaced as the No. 1 candidate," Shoulders said. "I'm proud that race was not a factor in 2003." \nHe continued to comment on the role race plays in the perception of the board's decision, and the hopes he has for a change in the public's mindset.\n"You know, someone told me that (Herbert) would become only the second African American to head a Big Ten university," he said. "I look forward to the day when we don't have to keep such statistics."\nMark Bryson, assistant affirmative action officer at IU-Purdue University at Indianapolis and former diversity educator at IUB countered that claim, saying race was "not a factor" can only be understood in terms of context. \n"I think that race is always a consideration, but it wasn't the overriding concern," he said. \nHe noted that for the trustees, Herbert's qualifications made him the prime candidate, but that Herbert's race makes the decision historic.\n"IU's the oldest public institution this side of the Appalachian Mountains," he said. "It's hard to say that they didn't think about the historic thing they were doing in the process."\nHe likened the decision to that of Sharon Brehm's appointment as IUB chancellor, where the board chose a candidate who was more than suited for the job while at the same time "bucking tradition" and making history.\nHerbert himself spoke of diversity in a number of ways -- affecting students, faculty and staff. He particularly emphasized his support of international programs.\n"The exposure that our students have to other cultures is essential," he said. "The world is shrinking dramatically, and we want to ensure that our students can compete in that kind of environment."\nHowever, he noted diversity extends well beyond the international sphere.\n"Our communities are very diverse in nature," Herbert said. "I feel very strongly -- in part because of the richness of opportunities that are associated with that exposure to people from different backgrounds, different cultures, different sets of life experiences -- that all of us grow as a consequence."\nVice President of Student Development and Diversity Charlie Nelms said Herbert's appointment should certainly contribute to a powerful step forward in the University's pursuit of excellence.\n"The board of trustees took an action today that will result in the University becoming a more excellent and representative institution," he said.\nNelms noted that Herbert's appointment accomplishes this goal by uniting diversity with success. \n"Enhancing excellence and diversity are part of the same background," he said. "Clearly Dr. Herbert is committed to undergraduate education and success. That cascades to all areas of University life."\nHe said such a union makes diversity cultural rather than abnormal.\n"Recognizing that diversity is an overall part of excellence, it's much more likely to become institutionalized rather than marginalized," Nelms said. "We want it to become part of the culture of the University."\nNelms pointed out, however, that pursuing diversity is not solely the job of "diversity people."\nBoth Oyibo Afoaku, director of the Neal-Marshall Education Center, and Nelms stressed that such a commitment to diversity cannot fall solely on the shoulders of the University's president.\n"He is going to be everybody's president," Afoaku said. "Diversity is a collective effort. We have to work together to make this campus the global village it should be"
(05/20/03 9:43pm)
After nine years of teaching at IU, associate professor of journalism Paul Voakes is leaving Bloomington to embark upon a new administrative career as the dean of the School of Journalism and Mass Communication at the University of Colorado at Boulder. \nHaving never held an administrative position before, Voakes said the experience will be much more of a challenge than simply moving to a new location.\n"I don't look at it as a job change," he said. "I look at it more as a career change." \nIn Colorado, Voakes will not be teaching or researching -- jobs that he said have been his primary objectives for just under a decade. However, he admitted that when the opportunity arose, he simply couldn't decline.\n"A lot of professors think that they might want to try being an administrator. I contemplated it and wanted to see if I had what it takes," he said. "This was an opportunity that I had thought for a long time about and decided I couldn't pass it up."\nVoakes noted the decision required such deep thinking because of the time at which it arrived. At 52 years of age and having just received his tenure three years ago, Voakes said he felt the offer came much earlier than he expected. However, he said it speaks highly of IU that such an "academic punk kid" was an attractive candidate for the job.\n"It's a tribute to IU," he said. "They developed me as an educator to a level that obviously seems to be impressive elsewhere."\nDean of the IU School of Journalism Trevor Brown said IU can't take all the credit. He told a story of Voakes' hiring, in which associate professor Randal Beam also joined the school. There was only one position available, specifically for a professor with newspaper experience. Brown said both Beam and Voakes were so impressive that both of them were hired. \n"We had known about Paul for quite some time before he ever applied for a position here," Brown said. "He had the ideal credentials for someone in our school -- a wealth of professional experience and a first rate doctoral education from the University of Wisconsin."\nVoakes had spent 15 years in the professional field, working as a writer, columnist and editor at the Palo Alto Times, Peninsula Times Tribune and the San Jose Mercury News. Brown noted such experience more than compensates for Voakes' lack of academic administrative experience.\n"There is some administrative work involved in the newsroom. A degree of management skill is necessary to be a leader," Brown said. "That said, Paul is so well-known around the field that if he had expressed a desire to be an administrator, he would be well sought after." \nDel Brinkman, former dean of SJMC, at University of Colorado at Boulder also showed no worries concerning Voakes' administrative experience.\n"When I became dean at Kansas, I had no experience," he said. "You have to start somewhere."\nAfter undergoing open-heart surgery in 2001, Brinkman said he decided to retire due to health and family concerns. The school then began to seek out his replacement, with Voakes among the candidates. When Brinkman heard Voakes wasn't going to accept, he said he made it a point to seek Voakes out.\n"I encouraged him to accept," Brinkman said. "There are certain qualities a leader and administrator needs to have and Paul had demonstrated those already."\nFor Colorado's journalism program, Brinkman said he expects Voakes to make the most of its potential. \n"Paul has a vision for what the journalism school should be," he said. "Right now, we have a good school that could be great. Paul is the right man to lead it."\nVoakes spoke of this potential and other ideas he has in mind for his new job.\n"I think it's a school that isn't living up to its potential," he said. "I think my challenge is to take that great potential and turn it into a great reputation."\nAmong his ideas of bringing a focus on the convergence of media and diversity to Colorado, Voakes said he hopes to find a way to reinvigorate the University's student press, which was kicked off campus during the Vietnam conflict and has since become a professional production unconnected to the students.\nBrown said IU will miss Voakes' presence dearly, both his professional experience and likeable personality.\n"He's a marvelous academic citizen," he said. "His experience working for a daily newspaper brings to the classroom a realism that complements teaching. He's extremely well-organized, a delight to his colleagues and extremely popular with students."\nVoakes currently is working in the School of Journalism areas of reporting, editing, law, ethics and quantitative research methods. His new position begins July 1.
(04/30/03 4:33am)
There is a town comprised of approximately 4,114 people, forming approximately 1,157 families. The town is the bane of vegetarians nationwide. It is because of this town that they suffer intense emotional strain. It conjures images of death and torture, and taken without proper exercise, can prove to be rather fattening. \nThis town's name is Hamburg, Pennsylvania.\nPeople for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has attempted to make Hamburg an offer it is more than willing to refuse. On Monday the Associated Press reported on PETA's proposal: They will donate $15,000 worth of vegetarian patties to area schools if officials change the borough's name to Veggieburg.\nTheir claim seems to be a legitimate one, as the town's name clearly conjures images of slaughtered cows and an unhealthy diet. Some sources even reveal that it aides and abets a coalition of masked burglars. \nHamburg's Mayor Roy C. DelRosario, however, seemed less than sensitive to the idea and wouldn't budge.\n"I don't care if they offer us $1 million worth of veggie patties or $2 million in cash," he told the AP.\nIt's preposterous. I am nothing short of upset at the lack of effort on PETA's part. Yes, they attempted to broaden their scope by making a similar offer to Hamburg, N.Y. (the suburb of Buffalo that claims to have been home to the hamburger's conception). However, they made no offers to the two Hamburgs in Indiana, the three in Arkansas, the four in Illinois and the one in Florida. Surely some town out there will be willing to come to terms with their oppressive past and adopt a more environment-friendly surname.\nI think that for far too long, town names have haunted their residents and passers-by, only to dismiss the notion of change in favor of the idea typified by DelRosario's claim: "I don't think anyone in the community would want to sell their heritage."\nBut what's in a name? Is it truly our heritage? Should we seek to preserve our past merely so that it can remain isolated in history? Isn't the better way to remember where we came from to evolve, to fuse our past and present together? Isn't that the only way to create a new future?\nPhilosopher Simone Weil expounds upon this when she writes in "A Need for Roots," "The future brings us nothing … it is we who in order to build it have to give it everything, our very life. But to be able to give, one has to possess; and we possess no other life, no other living sap, than the treasures stored up from the past and digested, assimilated and created afresh by us."\nBut let's not stop there. While we pay tribute to Hamburg's history and create a new veggie-friendly future, we should march forward and attempt to alleviate the pains of all those under the iron fist of their town's desire to maintain their "history" though names.\nImagine the psychological distress imposed upon the residents of such towns as French Lick, Ind.; Sac City, Iowa; Dry Prong, La.; Crappo, Md.; or even Why, Ariz.? I'm not quite sure. Surely, history aside, we can create a brighter tomorrow by inventing new names for their citizens, names that will speak both of their past, and of our present (Dare I suggest Freedom Lick, Ind.?).\nWords are powerful tools. They break one's bones, smell sweet or lift us up where we belong. In choosing how to employ our words, we must always remember that somewhere, somehow, someone will be hurt by them. Always. No exceptions. The lesson we learn is that we must be constantly striving to change until everyone is happy. Only then, can we together raise our arms and sing, "I'm forever yours. Faithfully"
(04/23/03 5:01am)
Now that finals week is nearing, many of us are seeking ways to wrangle extra credit from our professors. After we have exhausted all our optional PowerPoint presentation opportunities, the back of our minds beckon us to delve deeper into the pits of fantasy. Perhaps our instructor is unhappy with his or her marriage? Perhaps those hours consumed by research could be briefly relieved by composing a short Nabokov-ian role playing exercise? Or perhaps, the power of his or her insights during lectures has truly and utterly captured your heart, and your responses have led the instructor to develop a mutual admiration. Can Cupid's arrows pierce the hard-cover backing of academia? \nLove knows no bounds, but it must obey the rules -- at least in the classroom. And thus emerges the latest source of controversy amongst university administrators: UC Berkeley's proposition to ban faculty-student relationships all together. \nIs this a new movement? Haven't they been frowned upon for ages?\nFrowned upon: yes. Explicitly banned? No. \nAfter a scandal involving a student and the former dean of Berkeley's Boalt Law School Jim Dwyer last January, Berkeley and many other universities are taking steps to make sure that it is crystal clear: oral presentations are to be conducted only during the scheduled lecture hour.\nGayle Binion, chair of UC's Academic Senate told The Associated Press that written rules are expressly desired. "Even though the vast majority already live by an ethical norm, you still need to … show that the institution has a position," she said.\nIndeed you do, for it can be difficult to punish transgressions without precedence. It seems obvious that there would be some sense of abuse or unfairness with even consensual relationships between faculty and students who work together in the same class. The IU code of Professional Conduct and Communications makes that abundantly evident. However, should consensual relationships be banned all together? What about student-faculty dalliances occurring outside of the "Instructional Context"?\nWell, IU's rules thankfully appear a little vague, as they not only apply to professors, but to librarians, graduate instructors and lecturers among others. It states that concerning relationships between faculty and students not related though academic avenues, "A faculty member should be careful to distance himself or herself from any decisions that may reward or penalize a student with whom he or she has or has had an amorous or sexual relationship, even outside the instructional context, especially when the faculty member and student are in the same academic unit or in units that are allied academically." \nWhat kind of "distance" do we mean here? Emotional, physical or narrative psychic distance? What are "decisions that may reward or penalize a student…"? Are we obstructing an educator's right to enjoy an evening of S&M? What about a business school professor and a student of religious studies? Are they in the same "academic unit?" If not, can they make one of their own? This could be a great opportunity to promote the individualized major program.\nAnd since we are committed to higher learning, isn't there something to be said of the educational power of amore? Emerson writes in his essay "Love," that it knows not " … person, nor partiality, but seeks virtue and wisdom everywhere, to the end of increasing virtue and wisdom." \nCan't we just let lovers lie? I could use the extra motivation to do my online assignments, and it could finally get students excited about group projects. As a member of the Bloomington Faculty Council who wished to remain anonymous told me, "People should just be respectful of one another." \nIf there's no harm, call no foul. And if you don't ask, I won't tell.
(04/16/03 3:56pm)
The place is called Don's Guns in Indianapolis, and it isn't your run of the mill armory. Claiming to be the largest display of guns in Indiana, Don Davis, the shop's owner, strives for the ideal in a society bogged down by consumerism. Don's famous statement: "I don't want to make any money, I just love to sell guns." Free of the shackles of the almighty dollar, he only seeks to provide his services to the community. So when you buy a gun from Don, you don't just buy a gun, you enliven an old man's heart.\nMy friends and I laugh when we see the television spot that features Don's rosy face, broad smile and earl-grey mullet. We spout ironic and caustic university rhetoric about how uncivilized our state is to allow such a mad man on the airwaves. Yet this is a man living the cavalier lifestyle we can only sing about, doing what few of us are capable of: he loves his job.\nThe rest of us, though we want to "be true to ourselves" and never sell-out to the man, woman or corporate machine, are going through the motions at our esteemed university so that we can have something to show for it -- awards. \nJuliet Schor, in her book "The Overworked American," points toward this American hypocrisy when she writes, "The irony in all the consuming Americans do is that, when asked, they reject materialist values." \nWhen we consume or educate, many of our actions are designed at very practical aims while we appease our souls by merely talking about "higher" institutions of learning. \nAnd isn't this so true? Wouldn't we all just rather love to sell guns?\nMaybe, or maybe not.\nIt seems that simply talking about ideals is all we really need to do. It's an American pastime. We pride ourselves on our "open mindedness," march for gay rights, yet sit complacent as our laws prevent that community from becoming legitimate members of society. We go to war and shout for peace. We look for equality within the races yet constantly praise those intrepid individuals who promote the "awareness" of our differences. \nTrey Parker and Matt Stone of "South Park" fame seem to be the only two citizens in the country who have a true understanding of the great American double standard. In the latest episode parodying America's war environment, a flash-back reveals the Founding Fathers engaging in this conversation as they draft our Constitution.\n"I believe that if we are to form a new country, we cannot be a country that appears war-hungry and violent to the rest of the world. However, we also cannot be a country that appears weak and unwilling to fight to the rest of the world. So, what if we form a country that appears to want both? … Think of it: an entire nation founded on saying one thing and doing another."\nThus our freedoms are born. No one is right because everyone is allowed to do as they please, so we live in the pragmatic world yet aspire for the ideal. We award the "façade" of open-mindedness, but only to those who achieve it by closing out the rest of the world with signs, songs and insults. We act with brass and verve in order to achieve acceptance and dialogue.\nA professor of mine told me yesterday, "Open-mindedness is often written about, but never practiced. In order to be happy, you just have to accept that."\nAnd I guess he's right. Is there anyone out there who wants to reconcile the two? I applaud your efforts and wish you the best, but I'm fine with my hypocrisy. I want world peace, and I don't want to make any money, but I too would just love to sell guns.
(04/09/03 4:55am)
It was called the "Monster Study" -- an ethically questionable research project conducted by Mary Tudor, a graduate student under renowned speech pathologist Wendell Johnson at the University of Iowa in 1939. The sensational news story concerning the study and Mary Nixon, one of the 256 orphans screened for the experiment, was covered two years ago by San Jose's Mercury News. Today somebody's going to court. \nTudor began to unveil the project to the Mercury News on June 10, 2001. Hoping to prove that stuttering was not an inborn trait, but rather was "taught," Tudor told the newspaper that Johnson designed a project to be conducted as her thesis. Never informed of the project, two groups of children were studied: children who were labeled normal and given positive therapy and children labeled stutterers and given negative therapy (Nixon belonged to the second). Tudor claimed to the Mercury News that her experiments seemed to have increased Nixon's speech interruptions. \nApparently, Nixon became a stutterer, and it was all Mary Tudor's fault. Today Nixon wants compensation, so she is taking the state of Iowa to court. \nTo the readers of the emotional Mercury News story, the case is pretty cut and dry. It seems to be just another blemish on psychology's history of experiments that today we would deem unethical. To a human: case closed. But what about to a court?\nA couple of interesting snags have risen for Nixon in her pursuit of closure. The first of which is a statute of limitations, the time period assigned by state law after which one cannot sue. But as IU Law Professor J. Alexander Tanford noted, within a reasonable amount of time of which event?\n"Some statutes start the clock when the injury occurs. Others start it when the plaintiff knew or 'should have known' about the injury," he said.\nSince Nixon is claiming she recently found out about the experiments, maybe she has a case. Maybe.\nThe events happened in 1939, and according to the Associated Press, three of the five defendants are dead. Also, the laws governing both ethical practices and the specifics of Iowa's "sovereign immunity" (meaning a state cannot be sued without agreeing to it) may have been very different in 1939 than today. Should we use today's standards or the past's?\nYet it doesn't end there. It seems that Nixon may have not been "taught" to stutter at all.\nDespite Tudor's hopes that her data was accurate, Nicoline Ambrose and Ehud Yairi of the University of Illinois disagree. In 2002, they conducted a study published by the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association investigating the scientific and ethical issues involved with the case. They found that Tudor's results were inconclusive. In fact, Assistant Professor Julie Anderson of IU's Speech and Hearing Sciences department said the idea that stuttering is "taught" through negative feedback is completely false.\n"It was a part of a phase in stuttering research which centered around psychology as a possible cause," Anderson said. \nWrong or right? It seems Nixon deserves retribution, but for what, and from whom? Tudor certainly seems repentant, her guilt driving her to release the information to the press. Everyone else is dead. The University of Iowa today has little to do with the university 64 years ago. And Nixon may not have learned to stutter from them at all! \nWhile I sympathize with her issues, and certainly don't claim she shouldn't feel abused, Nixon's case just shows how emotional closure should not be sought through the courts. It's hard to face people, to have been hurt and continue living, but blaming our problems in the hopes of getting money simply won't bring us peace of mind. Sounds clear to me.
(04/04/03 5:28am)
Senior Brian Gosser made it home from class Thursday afternoon to discover his apartment in flames.\nEverything he owned was being destroyed, but that fact set in much later. During those first few moments, his immediate instinct was to retrieve his cat, Poncho. He opened the door and entered the building, but made it as far as the staircase before returning outside. \n"It was completely black and hot, it singed my hair," Gosser said. "I couldn't do anything, so I watched it burn. I have no idea what we're going to do."\nAcross the street dozing, senior Matthew Culp was shaken awake by his roommate, who noticed the fire through his window. They grabbed a small extinguisher from their kitchen to squelch a minor flame, but when they arrived outside, they were unprepared to handle the situation.\n"When we got outside, it looked a lot worse. The door and the trim were catching on fire. As soon as I looked in the door, it was an inferno, totally orange," Culp said. "So someone called 911."\nCulp organized his neighbors to move their cars from the parkway so the trucks could enter unhindered and began to alert neighbors of the burning apartment.\nNeighbor Joe Phillips, a sophomore, recalled his attempt to exit his apartment with his ferret.\n"I was sleeping and I heard someone say 'fire.' I thought it was smoke coming out of the kitchen, but when I opened the door there were flames spreading across the side [of the patio]. So I jumped off the side of the deck," Phillips said.\nBloomington Fire Department received the call at 2:22 p.m., according to Battalion Chief Mark Webb, who arrived minutes after to fight the flames in Apartment O of the Union Square Apartments on East Tenth Street. Four students: Gosser; Stephanie Harrison; Jamie Wilken and Ben Gettinger lived in the apartment, but none were home when the fire began. No one was injured.\n"I was really impressed with how quickly the fire department got here," Culp said. "If they didn't get here so quickly, the whole place would have been gone."\nAfter a cursory survey of the area, Webb speculated that the flames may have originated in the basement, worked their way upstairs and into the attic of the third floor. \n"The fire vented itself through the windows, up the eve and up into the attic," Webb said. "We had to pull down the ceilings of the upstairs bedrooms to make sure it didn't travel any further."\nThe building where the fire originated had its power shut down, and the residents were unable to re-enter their homes until an electrician arrived to double check residencies for safety, said Susan Goldsworth, Property Manager. Apartment O's residents could not re-enter because tarp was to be put over the area preserve it for the investigation.\n"Our first priority is to make sure everyone's safe and that the Red Cross will take care of everyone's needs for tonight," she said. "Half of the building should be able to move back in, but I'd like to have an electrician in first just to make sure."\nCaptain Jean Magrane recovered the deceased cat in the an upstairs bedroom that received the least amount of fire damage. She said it is common for a domestic animal to seek low ground or find its way into a snug area during a crisis.\n"It was underneath a bed lodged on top of a suitcase," she said.\nShe attempted CPR, but admitted it was clear it had succumb to smoke inhalation.\nGrosser's roommate Stephanie Harrison stood in tears, looking on the blackened exterior of her home. The paneling had been stripped, now revealing charred insulation. Her only source of solace came when Ed Vande Sande, Red Cross Director of Disaster and Volunteer Services, brought her a Ty stuffed teddy bear that she clutched with a bittersweet smile. \n"What the Red Cross does in situations like these is to take care of the displaced and their immediate emergency needs," Vande Sande said.\nThey also provided water and snacks for the firefighters and took the names of all those unable to return to their apartments to find them housing for Thursday evening.\nThe Office of the Dean of Students was present at the scene to help victims. Assistant Dean Suzanne Phillips spoke with the residents and provided other services for needs the Red Cross had not fulfilled.\n"We want to make sure the students have their needs covered," she said. "We're there if they need a place to stay, food, new books or help speaking with their professors -- though I'm sure they will all understand. This is very sad."\nNeighbor and close friend Amanda Tuttle, a sophomore, folded her hands and with downcast eyes spoke of her friends' situation.\n"They're great people," she said. "It's so sad that something like this would happen to them"
(04/03/03 4:25am)
Faster than lightning. No one you see is smarter than he. He's an army of one dorsal fin and one high-tech laser gadget fastened to a flipper, by which he got his name: Laser. He's a Navy Dolphin, tried and true, and he's deployed in Iraq to help his fellow soldiers whenever duty calls.\nBefore any seaborne humanitarian aid can arrive at the port of the southern Iraqi city of Umm Qasar, the coalition forces must clear their suspicions of underwater mines in the area. Yet with all of the advances in technology being employed in this conflict, laser guided missiles and matriarchal bombs, our armed forces are turning their eyes back toward nature, asking everyone's favorite rubbery mammal to assist in their endeavors.\nA part of the Navy's Marine Mammal Program, these dolphins receive extensive training and sweep the bottom of the Gulf for mines, marking what they find for disposal. \nMSNBC.com spoke with a spokesman for the Navy's 5th Fleet in Bahrain, Lt. Josh Frey, who noted that the dolphins are more naturally suited for underwater mine detection than humans are.\n"In shallow water environments like the North Arabian Sea and its ports and bays, there is a lot of man-made and biological noise," he explained. "The capability that mammals bring to de-mining efforts is that they have a very sophisticated form of biological sonar … to help them avoid predators and find food. These natural adaptations make the mammals valuable to Navy human personnel."\nWhere man has tried to improve and improve alone, only Mother Nature has been able to perfect. It truly places our egos in perspective when we marvel at the near-perfect accuracy of our Tomahawk missiles, but realize that with keen vision and senses of the animal kingdom, we may never miss our marks.\nFrey continued to describe other facets of the Navy's program, revealing that sea lions have been deployed in Bahrain for "force protection."\n"What they are trained to do is detect and locate threat swimmers or divers who might be trying to cause harm to a coalition vessel, port or harbor," he said. "They would do this by attaching a restraining device to the swimmer or diver, and a line floats to the surface that marks their location, so they can be immediately apprehended by human security force personnel and questioned."\nIt appears that there is a host of resources available to us in the field of animal warfare, and though Arafat's suicide donkey bombing missions aren't the most sophisticated evolutions of the idea, you can't fault the innovation. It requires a much brighter imagination to discover some actually effective expansions of the project.\nNow we have dolphins scouring the sea for mines. Tomorrow we may have prairie dogs tunneling to find al Qaeda's caves, tree-frogs manufacturing chemical weapons and if we can't find Osama, let Bigfoot and the Chupacabra handle it. They seem to know all the good spots. \nAnd as for the animal rights activists claiming that the use of dolphins for what seems to be a dangerous task is unethical, I offer this: They say that dolphins may possibly be the smartest animals in the world, directly after humans. Would you like to know why they are only second?\nBecause they're the ones out there in the underwater mine fields, while I'm using my two legs to walk away and buy a tuna sandwich.
(03/07/03 5:31pm)
The money's gotta come from somewhere.\nA coalition of health care providers are lobbying for a tax on syrup and powder, two ingredients used to make soft drinks. The money raised by the tax would go toward Indiana's $4 billion Medicaid plan. Predictions indicate that following through with the proposal would raise $164.8 million for the program.\nInitially we all shun away from taxing our goodies to pay for government foibles. We'd like to ask Congress to manage its funds more soundly before asking for money from new sources.\nYet we also know this would be a futile request, and as long as the voters are demanding health care benefits funded by government, that money is going to have to come from somewhere. If the bureaucrats can avoid raising property or other taxes, and if the taxpayers can escape relatively unscathed, we urge them to push forward.\nThe proposed tax on soda ingredients seems to fulfill these desires. The ingredients, or raw materials, used to produce soda comprise one of the least costly portions of production. According to Pepsico's Sept. 2002 quarterly financial statement (given in thousands of dollars), its raw materials comprised only $524,000 of the $23,793,000 it had in total assets. That equates to roughly one-fortieth of the company's concerns. The company's net sales were $6,376,000, contrasting its net costs of $2,907,000 -- showing a markup of clearly over 100 percent. \nCertainly, it appears these companies can afford to bear the burden of a minimal tax on one of their most minimal expenses without raising the prices for consumers. It is far better than an all-encompassing tax increase of the product as a whole (i.e. cigarette tax). This affects consumers by piling an extra cost on the entirety of production. The ingredient tax merely taxes a portion of production, one that seemingly can be absorbed by the company and not the consumer, eliminating the need to change the prices we already see on the shelves. \nFurthermore, it taxes a product with a relatively stable demand. Though we know at the store we can buy cheap soda for roughly 50 cents a can, rarely does it stop one from purchasing sodas in restaurants or vending machines for $1 or more. When we want a soda, we'll buy a soda. Though a price hike seems unnecessary, it would only place a small dent in the usual profit gained by the product. If the companies can't manage to budget such a change and insist in some half-cent to a cent price hike, the consumer will be able to handle it. \nTheoretically then, the plan seems sensible and sound. \nThe bill, however, is not included among the lists of current pending legislation. We feel it should receive more attention and debate.
(02/10/03 4:31am)
I will allow this to stand as my final defense. If one still desires to drag my name through the mud, feel free.\nI remain by my decision to run the cartoon and hold that my "point" is worth considering. However, many still feel the need to attack my character.\nI apologize for the pain experienced by those who viewed the cartoon from a different perspective than my own. And though I cannot experience their emotions, I respect them. Still, I do not believe that this negates my right to interpret the piece as I see fit.\nIt pains me to read the letters implying that I am a racist, ill-informed or have attempted to use my own heritage as a shield from attacks. Still, I publish the dissenters views and have made attempts to personally meet with them. Some have met, and the discussions were productive. Others find it convenient to delay meeting until they have their opportunity to point more fingers.\nThe problem with this issue, as my editor puts it, is "there is not enough face time." Judgments are being made without regard to personal experience. Many find it effective to hide behind words and shout cavalier, because these issues are worth it; but what is not "worth it" is intertwining the substance of the debate with individual motivations. \nThe issue is not that the IDS supports racism or that I am a bigot. The issue is that even in 2003, race is still more than color. It is still pain, pride, community and fear. We all walk on eggshells to comment on the realities of redressing history's mistakes, but no one has a firm grip on how to balance the line between insensitivity and political opinion. As a result, progress is hindered. The focus becomes personal and not societal.\nIf tolerance is desired, tolerance must be practiced. Tolerance does not imply acceptance of ideas; it implies listening and respecting ideas. We need "face time" so that opponents become people and not representatives of opposing politics. Only then can we all see that in this world, nothing is "pointless"
(02/07/03 5:14am)
As assistant editor of the op-ed page, I was given authority to choose and run the Carino political cartoon Wednesday. \nIs it controversial? Yes. Does it express an opinion shared by others in America and on campus? Yes. Is it racist? No.\nThe cartoon depicts a nerdy white man questioning why a larger black man received more "points" towards admission to a university than the white's "perfect SAT score." The black man appears to be whistling with ease as the white is baffled with some amount of consternation.\nMany brought to my attention that this cartoon should have never been run as it promotes stereotypes and was simply conceived in poor taste.\nI however, disagree.\nThere are many points of departure for debating this piece, whether an oversimplified cartoon can be considered an image promoting stereotypes, or whether a cartoon is designed to oversimplify and stereotype. Still, the primary and most substantive issue seems to concern the black man's whistling. He appears comfortable knowing that he doesn't have to rely on perfect SAT scores to attend the university of his choice, whereas the white man might be pressured to do so.\nI hate to admit this, but I relate.\nI find the cartoon vital to the opinion page not only for its controversial nature, but for its accuracy. Being a full-blooded Puerto Rican, first generation born in the states, I cannot lie when I say that I understood full and well that I didn't have to worry about performing on the same level as some of my peers who would be unable to enjoy the "ethnic scholarship/acceptance policy" fallback. Does this mean I let up on my performance? Did I work less than my white friends? Absolutely not. But my stress level was considerably lower than theirs when it came time to receive admission letters in the mail.\nDoes the cartoon imply that the black man is inferior in any way, shape or form? Absolutely not. If anything, he's not as uptight as his counterpart. Would opponents rather Carino have depicted the black man worrying about how everyone would feel? "Oh, I hope my white colleagues don't get mad at me because I enjoy a benefit that they don't."\nLet me tell you, white people don't worry about their advantages. Why should minorities?
(02/03/03 5:41am)
As Mike Davis and our team trudge through their series of away games, they're greeted on each court by wild and vocal crowds, edging up to the floor, some even directly behind the Hoosier bench. Purdue's "Gene pool" and Michigan State's "Izzone" act as deadly sixth men, chanting insults and doing their best to make us feel unwelcome. \nThe Hoosiers? Yes, we do our fair share of trash talking, but we lack a certain unity, a certain mob mania. Without the advantage other universities have wielded, placing student seats as close as possible to the action, the IU home court doesn't instill quite enough fear in the hearts of opposing point guards. Now they are scared, but that won't cut it. We want them to be terrified.\nFrankly, we need a gimmick.\nWe do NOT, however, need a rip off.\nWalking into T.I.S., one can see the newest attempt at creating solidarity amongst the fans. For $9.99 you can buy your very own "Crimson Crazies" T-shirt, making you not only a fan, but a joke.\nI don't think we need to elaborate on how blatantly stolen that idea is. Duke's Cameron Crazies have been a major name in fan-insanity since the 70s. They've been featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated and have Web pages upon Web pages dedicated to them. \nTo add insult to injury, it's an idea taken from DUKE! They're a team that probably all coaches dream about destroying at the last second in a tournament game. The last thing one wants to do is pay them lip service.\nWhat does this say about IU? Do we still find Duke so superior in spirit and talent that we must make them our template for creating the ideal basketball success story?\nYes, the Cameron Crazies are a force to be reckoned with. It's impressive and inspiring that not only are they recognized as an offensive force, -- I hear that current estimates say they're good for about 20 points -- but that they come out for women's as well as the men's games.\nStill, do we have to suckle upon their laurels?\nIU has just as much history and verve as any other university out there. It's a shame that we have yet to mobilize the presence necessary to gain press coverage and T-shirt status.\nI say it's time to build our own mob, more frightening than the Raider Nation, more annoying than the Cheeseheads, and more inspiring than the Crazies -- a horde of loyalists who will comb the Gene Pool right over.\nIt's time to join the Red Army.\nThere will be no negotiating, no diplomatic solutions. Let's issue a preemptive strike on anyone who dares to shout "alcoholic" at our front man and bring our spirit down. \nDon your red and white camouflage -- but please leave the hammers and sickles at home. Come March, we go to war. We've got a new General now, and he doesn't need chairs. \nHe's got reinforcements.
(01/29/03 6:03am)
Dating is a serious campus issue. With so many aspiring individuals on the scene, it's difficult to make a match that will cooperate with one's busy schedule. Still, human companionship is a psychological necessity, capable of making one's work turn out even better than if it was done alone. Everybody, it seems, needs a muse. So what is one to do?\nMany of our worries can now be put behind us all thanks to Todd Muffoletto, the innovative owner of the Web site www.womenbehindbars.com.\nNo, this isn't a site you would be ashamed of viewing in a campus computer lab. It's the answer to all young jet-setting gents out there who just want someone to confide in, but don't have the time to take her out to Applebee's on a Sunday night.\nWomen Behind Bars is a professional service which provides personal pages, pictures and profiles for women who are incarcerated in prisons all over America.\nThe site offers this description of their aims: "These female prisoners are looking for love, marriage, pen pals, and a good solid relationship with men and women in the free world … Our mission is to bring men and women together with an opportunity to enhance the lives of both." \nTheir best service: "Women Behind Bars host(s) free Web pages for ladies!"\nAt least they have class.\nOverall, I think their mission is noble. They are looking to make the best of a situation gone awry. I salute that. That is, however, until I searched further into their pages.\nWith a click of the mouse, you can enter into the "New Ladies" page. What do we find? Some wonderfully helpful deconstructions of who these women actually are. Instead of names, faces and interests, the first choice we get to make are these: "New white 20-29 year old ladies added … New black 30-39 year old ladies added … 10 new Hispanic ladies …"\nNeedless to say, that was a little creepy. \nA virtual meat market of women, each tagged with their proper race and age description. Frankly, I was surprised they didn't include an expiration date.\nFor a mere $3, plus a $5 surcharge, you can gain access to as many of these women's addresses as you like. Increase your chances with more dough and soon you too can find the woman of your dreams.\nNot satisfied? Well, are you an avid fisher? If women aren't enough for you, the makers of the site offer to sell their self-compiled fishing journal. For just $7 you can finally have a place to record water conditions and the lures you used, all in one convenient handbook.\nThere are, however, happy endings. The site proudly displays couples that have since married as a result of the site's matchmaking. Despite a Web-setup that makes choosing a mate similar to leafing through one's favorite fetish photos online, people have come away smiling and in love. \nThough a bit surreal, I think that ultimately they are out to do some good in this world. Yes, the site comes across as a bit extreme, but I guess we all make mistakes. Doesn't that seem to be the point?\nAn anonymous user perhaps sums up the experience best. His message appears crude, but ultimately heartfelt. Appropriate, I think, and perhaps then you can decide whether or not to visit.\n"You know what? i think you all are some wonderful people for doing this for wbb's. People make mistakes sometimes but there is always a chance for hope in their lives.......... so may god bless you all for creating this thing............... thank you........."
(01/22/03 4:14am)
Writer Steve Young had a dream. Like any father he wished his wife and children only the best. For this, he needed five million dollars, and fast. The solution? Steve Young decided to sell his family on Ebay.\nHe, his wife Diana and his two children Kelly and Casey were bundled together in a special collector's edition package which included a lifetime of platonic companionship, invitations to family gatherings and help around the house. \nNot many could pass up this offer, and the family actually received a bidder willing to pay the suggested minimum five million dollars on the first day. After that, however, Ebay fell wise to his plot and yanked Young out of their system.\nEbay claims it is against company policy and the Emancipation Proclamation to sell human beings.\nNow, many might scoff at Young's actions. They'd say he lacks moral fiber, that his goals were shallow and that he's another victim of our soul-sucking digital age. \nNot me.\nI think Young's reasoning is simple and true when he says "You have patrons of the arts, museums and charities. I wanted a patron for my family."\nIsn't that what we all need anyway? Golden Globe award winner Virginia Woolf suggested that very same idea: a patron and a room of one's own. What better way to solve your problems and live the life you truly desire? With no need for a job, his children could have not only have striven for lofty goals, but achieved them, as they could afford lessons, time and connections. \nDon't we always say that pursuing your dreams and being happy are our ultimate goals in life?\nPulitzer winning novelist Michael Chabon writes in his book "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay," "There is only one sure means in life of ensuring that you are not ground into paste by disappointment … and that is to always ensure, to the utmost ability, that you are doing it solely for the money."\nThat's what our whole zeitgeist is built upon -- doing it for the Benjamins, reconciling ideals for dollars. After all, it works, right?\nWe are the richest nation in the world. We can build lives for our children in whichever way we choose. There is little we can't solve, for we have the means. It's not like we're going to war, right?\nWe have no counter culture; we all get along. While the '60s protesters decided to shun all aspects of the system to fight war and greed, today we take a different approach. We protest, but only for a weekend -- after all, we had Monday off. We cut our hair once a month and make sure we see the next Ben Affleck movie. Support the economy, we all win. Money makes the world go around.\nLike Young's family, who needs character when you can get results? Who needs standards when we can get what we want? Happiness comes in small packages, and they cost a lot money. \nMaybe Steve was sacrificing more than he bargained for when he offered to change his and his family's last name for the opportunities five million dollars would have bought. Or maybe he decided it was the lesser of two evils. How many of us would have made the same decision? I think it's many more than you might like to admit.\nKudos to Steve for being upfront with his motivations. He has something that many of us don't notice that we lack.\nAt least he is honest.
(01/15/03 3:48am)
As I return to my books and late night study sessions, I am given to fits of anxiety. I can't sleep. Terror has struck America once again. This time, it has originated on the domestic front.\nSomeone is burning all of my SUVs.\nWith not even a full week of the new year underway, a fire raged through a Pittsburgh car dealership, destroying 4 vehicles, damaging others, and resulting in a total loss of almost $90,000.\nThe culprits? A communiqué released by the Environmental Liberation Front (E.L.F.) states that their group was responsible for the "attack." The manifesto led officials to believe the fire was motivated by the E.L.F.'s disdain for America's "throwaway conveniences…and it's unfathomable hoards of financial wealth."\nIt was an attack against the corporate consumer machine. Damn the man!\nBut in my brief moment of cavalier liberalism, I found that the E.L.F. had unwittingly attacked the wrong enemy. I asked myself, "Was corporate America truly to blame? Or is this trend of soccer moms commanding four-wheel-drive-military-grade-diesel-fueled-12-miles-per-gallon-pimp-mobiles brought upon us by some other source?"\nThe E.L.F. had it all wrong. It wasn't "the man" they were after. Rather, they needed to seek "The Terminator."\nArnold Schwarzenegger himself, along with his multitude of other celebrity pals who have been shilling SUV power mobiles to suburban wannabes, are the true source of America's obsession with unnecessarily large transportation.\nWho ever wanted to buy a Hummer? Were they cool in the Gulf War? Not exactly. That is, they weren't cool until Mr. Kindergarten Cop became the first man to step inside the new line of commercial Hummers in 1992. We don't want to be like Schwarzkopf, but Schwarzenegger -- that's a different story.\nSince then, the slippery wheel turned, and we are witnessing not only the new line of upper middle class market directed Hummer H2's -- which I regret lack all underwater maneuvering capabilities -- but Escalades, Expeditions and every vehicle the companies out there can manage to put on the market.\nDoes it bother anyone that one of the largest of these vehicles is called the Chevy SUBURBAN?\n"Honey, good thing we have this 6,000 pound monster truck, capable of towing 10,500 pounds of extra weight. Otherwise that pile of K-Mart carts would never have been able to become a parking space."\nBut hey, we can't blame the companies. They are doing their jobs, and the cars are selling. \nWhy? Because we all want to be like Pink, Puffy and Justin Timberlake who flaunt their customized Escalades on "MTV Cribs," or UPN's "Livin' Large," or whichever knock-off of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" is floating around on cable TV.\nEven Cadillac general manager Mark LaNeve seems mystified by how his company's SUV, the Escalade, is selling. In a statement published by U.S. News and World Report magazine he said, "The Escalade has been an unbelievable story for us. It's pulling up the division from an image market." \nThe way I interpret what Mark was saying is this: "I can't believe you suckers are buying this land-whale just because Russell Crowe stepped out of one at the Academy Awards! I mean, isn't gas expensive enough?!"\nSo E.L.F., don't bother torching the merchandise. We'll just order more. If you really want to effect change, use your time and efforts to convince Winona Ryder to drive around in a Ford Fiesta. Just tell her that she can write it off as community service.