PETA goes to town

There is a town comprised of approximately 4,114 people, forming approximately 1,157 families. The town is the bane of vegetarians nationwide. It is because of this town that they suffer intense emotional strain. It conjures images of death and torture, and taken without proper exercise, can prove to be rather fattening. \nThis town's name is Hamburg, Pennsylvania.\nPeople for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has attempted to make Hamburg an offer it is more than willing to refuse. On Monday the Associated Press reported on PETA's proposal: They will donate $15,000 worth of vegetarian patties to area schools if officials change the borough's name to Veggieburg.\nTheir claim seems to be a legitimate one, as the town's name clearly conjures images of slaughtered cows and an unhealthy diet. Some sources even reveal that it aides and abets a coalition of masked burglars. \nHamburg's Mayor Roy C. DelRosario, however, seemed less than sensitive to the idea and wouldn't budge.\n"I don't care if they offer us $1 million worth of veggie patties or $2 million in cash," he told the AP.\nIt's preposterous. I am nothing short of upset at the lack of effort on PETA's part. Yes, they attempted to broaden their scope by making a similar offer to Hamburg, N.Y. (the suburb of Buffalo that claims to have been home to the hamburger's conception). However, they made no offers to the two Hamburgs in Indiana, the three in Arkansas, the four in Illinois and the one in Florida. Surely some town out there will be willing to come to terms with their oppressive past and adopt a more environment-friendly surname.\nI think that for far too long, town names have haunted their residents and passers-by, only to dismiss the notion of change in favor of the idea typified by DelRosario's claim: "I don't think anyone in the community would want to sell their heritage."\nBut what's in a name? Is it truly our heritage? Should we seek to preserve our past merely so that it can remain isolated in history? Isn't the better way to remember where we came from to evolve, to fuse our past and present together? Isn't that the only way to create a new future?\nPhilosopher Simone Weil expounds upon this when she writes in "A Need for Roots," "The future brings us nothing … it is we who in order to build it have to give it everything, our very life. But to be able to give, one has to possess; and we possess no other life, no other living sap, than the treasures stored up from the past and digested, assimilated and created afresh by us."\nBut let's not stop there. While we pay tribute to Hamburg's history and create a new veggie-friendly future, we should march forward and attempt to alleviate the pains of all those under the iron fist of their town's desire to maintain their "history" though names.\nImagine the psychological distress imposed upon the residents of such towns as French Lick, Ind.; Sac City, Iowa; Dry Prong, La.; Crappo, Md.; or even Why, Ariz.? I'm not quite sure. Surely, history aside, we can create a brighter tomorrow by inventing new names for their citizens, names that will speak both of their past, and of our present (Dare I suggest Freedom Lick, Ind.?).\nWords are powerful tools. They break one's bones, smell sweet or lift us up where we belong. In choosing how to employ our words, we must always remember that somewhere, somehow, someone will be hurt by them. Always. No exceptions. The lesson we learn is that we must be constantly striving to change until everyone is happy. Only then, can we together raise our arms and sing, "I'm forever yours. Faithfully"