I’m no stranger to being “the new girl.” By my count, I’ve had to reestablish myself in five different places since 2014.
I moved across Michigan right before eighth grade. I came to Bloomington for college without knowing anyone here. At the same time that I started university, my parents moved to West Texas, so now when I go home for the holidays, I'm not going back to either of my hometowns. I spent the fall of my senior year in Argentina and worked in Spain for six months in 2024.
With each of those moves, I’ve needed to build a community all over again. I’ve had to meet people, make friends and get to know my new locale.
Humans are social creatures, and we benefit from connecting with others. There have been studies showing a correlation between social bonds and longer lifespans, increased wellbeing and better cancer survival rates.
Though starting over in a new place is hard, I’ve learned a lot from my five moves, and I hope these lessons can serve you too, whether you’re a freshman, transfer student, or just generally new to town. So, here are my tips for building a community when you’re far from home.
Just do it
It’s easy to skate by without really getting to know people if you think you’ll only be somewhere for a short period of time. Resist that temptation. There are so many cool people to meet and experiences to have that require you to be present first.
I’ve spent much of two summers in towns where I didn’t know anyone my age. I could’ve stayed home during that time — it was only a few months, after all. Instead, I got involved in things — for instance, a local Bible study — which helped me start meeting people.
Getting out of my shell is how I ended up with friends in West Texas and southwestern Michigan. It’s how I first tried hot pot and visited a new beach on Lake Michigan. There’s a lot I would’ve missed out on if I hadn’t made the effort to be part of a community while I was away from what felt like home.
Join local groups
There are plenty of extracurricular options for getting plugged into a new town: running clubs, gaming groups, volunteering. Knowing that you share an interest with people in a club can make it easier to jump in.
For me, joining a local church is one of the first things I do when I move to a new place. That’s what works for me when it comes to meeting people and starting to make friends. It also helps me feel more settled, even though I’m usually transient.
In Argentina and Spain, going to church got me out of the American/expat bubble I was in when I went to class or work. I met some good friends there while also getting to practice my Spanish.
Here in Bloomington, church is where I get to interact with people who are older or younger than the typical college demographic, which helps me to remember that there’s life outside of school.
You’ll always feel awkward, until you don’t
Walking into a room where you don’t know anyone can be hard. If you’re a confident extrovert and that’s an easy task, I'm happy for you! Go forth and make friends. In fact, adopt a few introverts while you’re at it, please.
But for the rest of us, the awkwardness is real. And, unfortunately, it’s something you have to keep dealing with until you finally feel like you belong in a group.
In my experience, that sense of belonging springs out of knowing other people and having shared memories with them. You can play the “me too!” game to figure out what you have in common. It’s like a conversational scavenger hunt where you try to find points of connection with others. Maybe you’re both Pittsburgh Penguins fans or you both think pineapple on pizza should be illegal.
It’s not all or nothing
When I moved across Michigan, I resisted making friends. I thought that if I started to build a life in East Lansing, it meant I was giving up on what I’d left behind in the Detroit area. It took me some time to realize that wasn’t true. I could talk to my old friends and hold on to my favorite memories from home no matter where I was.
But it still took time to adjust to a new place, and it certainly didn’t happen all at once. Building a life never does.
As you start to establish yourself in a new place, it’s more than okay to take baby steps. Go for a drive or a walk. Figure out where the best ice cream place is. Read the city news, listen to local radio, check out bulletin boards around town. Join a club and make new friends.
Moving to a new place — whether it’s a different town, state, or country — can be scary, especially if you’re alone. Even though it’s hard, putting in the effort to build community is what can make a strange place feel like home.
