Imagine, if you will, two college football fans. One roots for the Michigan Wolverines, the other the Indiana Hoosiers.
After four hours of debatably watchable football, Michigan notches a 29-7 victory over Indiana. To understand how we got here, we must examine Saturday night’s contest through the eyes of both loyal supporters.
In the minutes leading up to the game, the Michigan fan enters their beloved home stadium. They wave at over 100,000 others similarly dressed in maize and blue, a welcoming community of diehard Wolverines.
Meanwhile, the Indiana fan anxiously scans the bleachers in a desperate search for blotches of red. They are scared. They are alone.
Indiana freshman quarterback Donaven McCulley makes his second career start in one of the sport’s most hostile environments. His supporters fear for his safety as one would fear for a 5-year-old learning to ride a bike.
In this case, however, the bike has no training wheels. It actually only has one wheel, and it doesn’t work very well. The 5-year-old is riding a broken unicycle.
McCulley doesn’t attempt a pass until the sixth play of the game, a 6-yard toss to senior tight end Matt Bjorson. Michigan’s secondary clamps down on Indiana’s wideouts all night, allowing only 16 receiving yards by wide receivers.
Freshman punter James Evans, who Indiana head coach Tom Allen briefly benched a few weeks ago, executes a fantastic 36-yard kick to pin the Wolverines inside their own 5-yard line.
For the next seven minutes, neither fan experiences much in the way of excitement. The Wolverines score a field goal to end the first quarter with a 3-0 lead.
On Indiana’s subsequent possession, Michigan junior linebacker David Ojabo strips the ball from McCulley to force a turnover. Senior running back Hassan Haskins hammers in a 2-yard touchdown run one minute later.
The Indiana fan starts to feel the all too familiar dread of a blowout loss, but refuses to look away. Though they trail 10-0, the Hoosiers show promise on offense thanks to McCulley’s running ability.
Before tonight, the fan thought offensive coordinator Nick Sheridan’s play calling was too risk-averse. Now, they realize there are few strategies bolder than repeatedly running your last healthy scholarship quarterback directly into Michigan’s defensive line.
McCulley eventually wills his team to a touchdown. The Indiana fan savors this moment, for they know it might be their only opportunity to do so tonight. They are correct.
The next 40 minutes are a deluge of rushing yardage from Haskins, who finishes the night with a career-high of 168 yards.
During the commercial breaks between Haskin’s displays of physical dominance, Michigan students compete in lighthearted games on the field. A young woman named Sam wins a $100 gift card for successfully fielding punts, while another named Morgan speeds to victory in a 40-yard dash.
The Michigan fan witnesses their classmates’ success with a great deal of relish. The Indiana fan is too busy frustratedly squeezing a condiment packet on their hot dog and spraying themself with a great deal of relish.
With just over 12 minutes remaining in the third quarter, The Killers’ iconic song “Mr. Brightside” blares throughout the stadium. The video board captures a jubilant scene of the Michigan fan and their friends dancing and singing along.
The Indiana fan is merely perplexed by this demonstration of unbridled merriment. They know not such feelings of joy.
Unlike the parachutists who gracefully descended onto the field during the pregame festivities, Indiana has no such tool to keep from falling flat on its face at full speed this time.
Haskins and the Wolverines slowly bully the Hoosiers into their seventh loss and out of bowl eligibility.
On their way out of the stadium, the Michigan fan checks their team’s remaining schedule and envisions a path to a New Year’s Six bowl.
The Indiana fan checks a different schedule to summon feelings of optimism. Basketball season is right around the corner, after all, and that’s never been a disappointment before.
