Oh, my gosh — Tom Brady and the Patriots are totally breaking up. At least, that’s what many are speculating after Brady stumbled into a wild card playoff loss following his worst statistical season.
Recent odds suggest the quarterback will make up with the Patriots. However, the Titans, Chargers and Raiders have all been cited as potential rebounds for Brady. As free agency approaches, faithfuls of each team yearn to be given a rose by the NFL’s most eligible bachelor.
Tennessee Titans
The single greatest hurdle in seeing new people is the agony of introductions. If only every pairing were facilitated by a trusty wingman.
That is exactly what Mike Vrabel, Titans head coach and former Patriots linebacker, brings to the speed-dating table.
Brady can rest well knowing he will be taken care of behind Tennessee's reliable offensive line. Furthermore, having the league’s leading rusher in running back Derrick Henry means Brady won’t always have to wear the spandex pants in the relationship.
Suiting up for his old teammate seems like a no-brainer for Brady, but is it different enough? With a staunch defense yet little production on the receiving end, the key factors separating Tennessee from New England are its youth and warmer climate.
After all, it is never a good look to move on from someone only to go for their younger, hotter doppelgänger.
Los Angeles Chargers
What better way to thaw a frozen heart than returning to the sun-soaked state you grew up in?
L.A.offers all the security of coming home. Wideouts Keenan Allen and Mike Williams can catch just about anything Brady throws their way. Defensive end Joey Bosa commands a top-10 unit that won’t betray Brady when his back is turned on the sideline.
Then again, there is the matter of the ex, Philip Rivers. He is widely considered among the best passers of his era, yet somehow never got to a Super Bowl through 16 years in Southern California. Even with All-Pros such as LaDanian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates on their roster, the Chargers simply couldn’t keep the spark alive with Rivers.
L.A. is undoubtedly attractive, but new romances struggle to get off the ground when weighed down by serious baggage from the past.
Las Vegas Raiders
It’s hard to imagine Brady, the clean-cut model of discipline, donning the same colors as linebacker and occasional human torpedo Vontaze Burfict.
The Raiders are easily the least stable of Brady’s options, but any real love ought to keep you guessing. While head coach Jon Gruden has made his fair share of head-scratching decisions, those choices once led him to a Lombardi Trophy.
If only Las Vegas weren’t already in a long-term commitment with quarterback Derek Carr, currently on a $125 million contract through 2022.
It is safe to assume that the Raiders would dump Carr for Brady in a heartbeat, but who wants to be the cause of a messy split? Besides, the 42-year-old Brady hitching up with a wild Las Vegas team when he has a good thing going in New England could reek of a thrill-seeking mid-life crisis.
New England Patriots
It’s true, you never forget your first. Last season was not the finest verse in Brady’s serenade to New England, but it probably wasn’t the last either.
Like a remorseful boyfriend showing up on the doorstep with flowers and chocolate, head coach Bill Belichick will present a bouquet of undersized slot receivers to Brady and leave him no choice but to take back the Patriots.
There’s a reason Brady and New England were the NFL’s premiere power couple for the better part of two decades. Belichick knows what Brady wants, and right now Brady is pining for championships.
A fling with a pretty new face might be intriguing to Brady, but I imagine he is looking to settle down and tie the knot with a proven winner.
When Brady lines up in victory formation and drops to one knee, anxious to present a Super Bowl ring to his chosen partner, the parallels should speak for themselves.
