In 2015, my dog filled out a March Madness bracket.
Rascal, his God-given name, was given an option of two treats. “Kentucky or Hampton?” and so on. I would find out his pick holding up a Beggin’ Bacon Strip in both hands and seeing whichever one he pawed or looked at. It was an extremely scientific process.
I lost.
With two Final Four teams and Duke as his eventual champion, Rascal finished with a higher point total than yours truly and proved once and for all that filling out a bracket is a pointless venture that will end with heartbreak, expletives and broken remotes.
With that said, here’s the definitive step-by-step guide to emerging victorious from the madness of March.
1. Only your winner needs to be correct
As George Mason, Florida Gulf Coast and all of the other low seeds to make runs have shown to us, you’re not going to build a perfect bracket. You may start out hot, but at some point, the darkness that eventually envelops us all will find you. All you really have to worry about is getting the final game correct. If you chose Villanova last year, there’s a good chance you won your pool.
In the last 17 years, 10 of the eventual champions were one-seeds. Go crazy with your opening round choices, but make sure you have a top-caliber team standing amongst the rubble.
2. Pick upsets early and then calm down
Hawaii, Wichita State, Yale, Northern Iowa, Virginia Commonwealth, Middle Tennessee, Little Rock and Stephen F. Austin. These schools seemingly have nothing in common for a very good reason. They don’t. This obscure list is a hodgepodge of schools that will almost never be uttered in the same breath, except for one simple reason. They all were the unlikely winners in the first round of last year’s tournament.
On the first two days of March Madness, do whatever your heart desires. Pick CSU Bakersfield to upset a top-dog because you like their blue-and-yellow color scheme. Take Baylor just because you like the name King McClure, the Bears’ sophomore guard from Dallas. Do whatever you want in the first few rounds, but make sure that once you get to the Sweet 16, you some chalk is on that board. Three No. 1 seeds made it to the Elite Eight and Final Four.
3. Don’t overthink it
I know this is unexpected coming from me, an individual who has multiple people read his emails before he sends them, but make sure to stick with your picks. Don’t change your Elite Eight projections because someone on ESPN sees a down year from the Pac-12. Choose from the gut, not from the brain. It’s all anarchy, so you might as well stick with your first thoughts.
In 2011, I initially chose Connecticut to win the whole shebang, strictly because I liked watching Kemba Walker play. A few hours before brackets locked, I faltered and changed my pick to Florida. Looking back at how this unfolded, I still cringe and regret this last-second alteration, because we all know now that Walker took his Huskies on a magical run to winning the title. Don’t let anyone talk you out of a pick. No one really knows how it’s going to play out, except Rascal.
Rascal knows all.
With all of this newfound knowledge, play against your friendly neighborhood columnist and the rest of the IDS gang in a March Madness bracket pool. Go to http://bit.ly/idsbracket and see if you can beat us.
gigottfr@indiana.edu
@gott31
