It’s that time of year again. I know it feels like we just sold our textbooks back for little to no money, but, alas, it’s time to drop another $700 on new books you most likely will never crack open.
I’d like to welcome all of you from your possibly wet, most likely hot, definitely American — shout-out to those who went abroad — summer.
And here’s a salute to the entire freshman class gallivanting down Fee Lane with their prospective homies.
Some tips of advice for you: Girls, even if you think you know how to wear heels, you don’t.
Your feet will thank me later.
Boys, don’t treat girls like fish.
You might think you’re a big catch, but we don’t want to be your newest #score.
I’m actually in the same boat as all of you little freshman fishies this year because I too will be living in a dorm.
No, I’m not an RA, although if I were I’d be the coolest RA known to man.
I’m going to purge my wanderlust by spending a semester abroad in Copenhagen.
All I can say is bring on the Danish pastries.
So, just like my freshman year, I have all of these little pent-up butterflies prior to arrival.
While I’ve been trying furiously to swat them down with a myriad of Facebook messages with my future roommates, I still have this inherent sense of trepidation.
The unknown scares me, yet it excites me all the same.
To calm down my nerves, and to alleviate yours as well, I’ve decided to compose a pep talk.
First off, you are truly brilliant. IU should also stand for Intelligent University.
The people you’ll be surrounded with will know the sequence of pi, how to drink a ton of coffee and be able to go to class completely stoned and still get an A.
That’s talent right there, folks.
Secondly, don’t be shy. There’s actually some merit in the saying “confidence is key.”
If you’re able to pull off a chill vibe with a friendly demeanor, you’re good to go.
Don’t be fake, be real — and you’ll make real friends.
And on that note, be sure to keep the looking-at-phone-time to a minimum. I know, it’s tempting to click on Tinder and spend hours swiping right on potential cuties, but don’t do it.
The first few weeks of freshman year are like no other — you have no reputation, no prior judgments.
All you have are your impressionable actions — don’t let those be drunken mistakes.
So socialize.
Talking to complete strangers has never been so easy.
My last tip is kind of overbearing and eerily parental.
“Be safe!” my mom told me. “I know, I know, ugh,” I said.
I used to brush it off — blah, blah, blah, whatever, mom.
But now that I’m older and wiser, I realize it’s actually some sound advice.
Don’t make your first Welcome Week a forgetful week.
Hazy drunken nights can lead to ugly hangovers the next morning, and you’re not going to want to make new friends with the girl holding your hair while your head is in the toilet.
jlkarl@indiana.edu
