Hurting those we care about and need the most may seem backwards or self-defeating, but it most certainly is not unfamiliar.
Due to a variety of factors and coping mechanisms within us, we have an unfortunate tendency to bring our closest friends and loved ones under fire when the road becomes rough. In the name of bettering our lives, we must make an honest and humble effort to contemplate and combat our urges to burn those closest to us.
Daily life can feel frustrating and monotonous at times, and our tougher days can easily lead to regrettable words. While this might seem to be stating the obvious, it can be difficult to keep this sort of understanding in mind when we are feeling irked or fatigued.
An extreme example of this can be found within the boys’ group home in which I currently work. These young men are supervised and provided with structure and redirection at all times. In other words, staff must frequently respond in ways that are not to the boys’ liking.
Although it may be clear to each child that the staff has genuine concern for them and is making decisions for a reason, the youth frequently have a hard time accepting what must be.
Not all of us have years of complex trauma and a frustrating living situation to deal with, but this form of agitation can still resonate. At some point, we have all been guilty of biting the hand that feeds us. Whether it is a parent, guardian, lover or friend, we jump on those that have given the most.
In many ways this could be a natural consequence of a closer and more dependent relationship. When we feel we can be our true selves around those closest to us, we open the door for all of our parts — positive and negative.
Taking this into consideration, one could come to the conclusion that showing frustration toward someone close to us is actually a sign of trust. We believe that these people will stay in our lives, despite seeing us at our worst.
Spend some time looking back upon how you have handled conflicts in the past. What were your motives? What was the nature of the relationship you held with the individuals involved?
In all likelihood, your last fight was with someone you love and can trust. Moving forward, let us all commit to a greater awareness of how and why we vent our negative emotions upon those closest to us.
sjdickma@indiana.edu
