“Does she already know that she’s fat, or do one of us have to tell her?”
I overheard it next to me in a restaurant. A group of students around a table discussed their friend’s weight while she stood outside talking on the phone.
“Last year I got up to 140 pounds, but luckily I’m down to 125 again.” I cringed as the girls continued this destructive “fat talk.”
Fat talk is not only destructive to the person who is being talked about, but it is also harmful to the person saying it and those around who are passively overhearing it.
It needs to stop.
There is a huge difference between being concerned for a friend’s health and slandering her character. It seemed the girls did not want their friend to lose weight for health reasons but rather for the purpose of fitting into a cookie-cutter image that would fit their idea of “pretty.”
Fat talk changes the idea of body weight from a health matter to a measurement of worth to people who have the conversation, to the subject of the gossip and to those overhearing it.
The girl who is being accused by her friends of being “fat” is being betrayed. We need friends who support us through all stages of our physical and mental well-being.
Trust is the main characteristic of a strong friendship, and it helps us get through the hard times, especially during the stressful years of college. Girls who slander their friend and joke about her weight are destroying that trust, even if the subject of the slander is not aware it is happening.
It reflects the poor requirements these girls have for a true friendship. For trust to be practiced among these girls, their friend needs to look thinner. They are sending the message that a person is not worthy of a trustful friendship if they weigh more than 130 pounds.
This also shows the group of girls may feel unworthy of friendship if they let their weight increase a little. This is proof of low self-esteem. The continued conversation about weight does not help their own self-esteem. It may actually be a cry for help.
This conversation is destructive for those who overhear it, as well. I found myself questioning my own self-worth based on my weight. I was reminded of my own insecurities.
It made me think that the physical characteristics I am insecure about may very well be noticed by others and talked about behind my back. As I look around, I noticed that other customers were feeling uncomfortable from the conversation, too.
There are so many campaigns taking place on campus and on the Internet that are in support of healthy body image and that fight bullying. We are informed every day of why it is important to love our bodies and respect others, so I was surprised to hear this type of slander still happening.
After I left the restaurant I realized why it is still happening. It is because the negative conversations are being tolerated. I may not have been a part of the conversation, but I did let it take place by not doing anything about it. I had the ability and the opportunity to tell the girls that what they were saying was inconsiderate and wrong, but I did nothing.
Fat talk needs to stop. We need to choose not to participate in it. We also need to choose to not tolerate it and take action to stop it from continuing if we hear it happening.
eshrack@indiana.edu
