ScHoolBoy Q who?

It comes in with the warm weather and the reemergence of tank tops every spring.
No, I’m not talking about allergies or the sweet temptation to forgo all your important work and head to the KOK patio at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday.

I’m talking about the Little 500 concert announcement. The make-it-or-break-it moment when you find out if this year’s concert is going to be epic like Lil Wayne and Nicki Minaj in 2011 or a head-scratching pick like Sublime With Rome in 2012. 

The verdict is in, and we’ve got a head scratcher even more baffling than Sublime With Rome.

ScHoolBoy Q will headline this year’s concert, which will be at 7:30 p.m. April 24 in the IU Auditorium. You know, whoever that is.

First things first. The concert is in the auditorium, which is a fine and beautiful establishment for enjoying music. Unfortunately, it also screams, “Yeah, there’s no chance in hell we’re going to sell enough seats in Assembly Hall.” Because that’s what happened in 2012 with Sublime With Rome.

Nobody wanted to go see some forgotten band from the 1990s, so they had to switch venues. I would have totally turned up for the Spin Doctors or Semisonic. But Sublime With Rome? No, thanks.

Second, Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis have all headlined in Assembly Hall during Little 500 because they’re huge, established artists used to selling out arenas around the world. I’m not saying album sales and abundant radio play equals talent. ScHoolBoy Q seems like a perfectly legitimate artist.

His latest album, “Oxymoron,” has an impressive score of 79 out of 100 on Metacritic, a website that complies critical reviews of movies, music, television and games.

But this is Little 500. This is the one week a year where the rules become guidelines and guidelines become laughable. I was so inexplicably ready to turn up for Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus or Kanye West. I had my warrior paint and glitter primed and ready to go.

Unfortunately, I didn’t count on Union Board dropping a wrecking ball on my Little 500 dreams. 

There is a time and place for small, underappreciated artists like ScHoolBoy Q to perform. There are countless lesser-known entertainers I would drop serious money to see. But not during Little 500.

As big of a fan as I am of Lana Del Rey, she would put on a thoroughly lame Little 500 concert. The same goes for Lorde, Bastille and countless other big-name headliners we could have gotten.

So it would seem my senior year is going out on a lamer note than I anticipated. Oh well, at least Rod Tuffcurls and the Bench Press will be here.

wdmcdona@indiana.edu
@thedevilwearsdm