BroApp is ri-dick-ulous

Thanks to a new app, guys may never have to text their girlfriends again.
The BroApp is an app for Android phones designed to send automatic text messages to girlfriends so men can “spend more time with the Bros.”

The bro downloads the app and selects his girlfriend’s number in his contacts. A list of messages are shown to choose for the girlfriend to receive — if the bro really loves her, he can edit or add his own original messages.

Then he puts in his most used WIFI zones, such as home, work and his girlfriend’s, so the app can detect when he’s at his girlfriend’s place and will know to not send a
message.

After that he picks the days and times for the messages to be sent, approves the settings and lets his phone begin to date his girl while he rips the sleeves off his T-shirts, eats dirt, watches football or whatever it is that the app designers think bros do together.

The app takes more protective measures aside from detecting the girlfriend’s WIFI. The app detects if the bro has recently contacted his girlfriend of his own volition, and if so, won’t send a scheduled message.

The app also has a “Girlfriend Intrusion Detector.” If the app senses a snooping girlfriend it will reveal a list of gifts the bro had planned to buy her.

This app creates a new level of douchebag. This seems even ruder and more insensitive than just not contacting the woman.

There is no point in being in a relationship if you can’t be bothered to communicate with your significant other.

If you’re not willing to put in the effort of just tapping your thumbs on a screen, then you have no right to waste another person’s time in a half-assed relationship.

The creators even recognize that this app would infuriate women who knew their boyfriends were using it. In boasting about the amazing “Girlfriend Intrusion Detector” they wrote, “Instead of her getting pissed off at your BroApp usage, she will think you’re the best boyfriend in the world.”

What’s worse, there is an implication that this app is doing women a favor as well as men. The app protects women from their oblivious, lazy boyfriends. If bros use this app, their girlfriends will never feel neglected or unloved.

The only non-douchey aspect of BroApp is that it allows for only one girlfriend to be programmed at a time. But that’s not a good enough reason to use the app or defend its existence.

BroApp needs to go.

It’s disrespectful to women and counterproductive to what a relationship stands for. And it uses the word “bro” far too much.

lnbanks@indiana.edu
@LexiaBanks