Ring by spring

“Ring by Spring” is the goal for some women in college.
It’s an easy plan: get a boyfriend in the Fall, get an engagement ring by Spring, live happily ever after.

But it’s unclear why anyone would want to be tied down so early in life. College should be a time for you to go out and get to know yourself.

You should have some fun, try new things, work hard toward your goals, and learn who you are. Too bad it’s all too common for women to attend college in order to get their “MRS degree.”

This idea that the only thing that a woman needs from college is to find a man to marry is extremely sad. And quite frankly it’s a waste of the great opportunities that college has to offer.

The primary focus of attending college should be to get a degree and better yourself as a person. If you happen to fall in love and find that special someone who you want to marry, that’s great.

But that should not be the main goal.

In the past few weeks I have seen the engagement of five different college couples, all of whom are 19- or 20-years-old. While I truly hope that they have the happiest marriages possible, I do not believe that now is the time for a wedding.

Sure, people back in the day used to get married at much younger ages, but this is the 21st century. It’s OK to focus on yourself before focusing on finding a mate.

Another problem with getting engaged so early in life is that you don’t know if you will be the same person five years from now as you are today. Since coming to college I’ve seen almost everyone I know change and grow into a different person than they were in high school. It’s great that some of them are still with their high school sweethearts, but I can’t imagine the relationship being the same as it was in high school.

Being together for a long time in high school isn’t a good enough reason to tie the knot at the beginning of your college career. There is just so much that could change in such a short time.

People changing during college isn’t a bad thing. We can’t all be our 17-year-old selves forever. But when it comes to marriage, it can have a huge effect on whether or not the relationship  will work.   

So, there’s no reason to rush into something when you have your whole life to make it happen.

Rushing into things is how people get stuck in mediocre marriages. It is OK to take your time and hold off an engagement until the right person comes along. I know many people want that fairy tale story of finding love in college, but I suggest you don’t rush into marriage.

First, find out who you are. Then, find someone who will work with you.

After all, college is a place to get an education, not an institution for matchmaking. 


­— syrafter@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Sydney Raftery on Twitter @sydraft.