Breaking the bad news

How do you help someone who has just heard some of the worst news of their life?

It’s awkward (only because you mean well — not because you’re a terrible person) and hard and more than a little mind-boggling. Especially if that someone is your best friend, roommate ... or yourself.

Whether it’s you or a friend who is confronting a difficult experience, Inside found ways to (hopefully) make the process at least a little bit easier. We spoke to Nancy Stockton, director of Counseling and Psychological Services at IU, to get some tips.

Quick disclaimer: While we are some smart cookies, this article isn’t meant to replace professional help. There’s absolutely no shame in contacting CAPS or other services. Remember, every student gets two free sessions at CAPS, no questions asked — because everyone goes through hard times.

General Tips Across All Scenarios
Be kind to yourself. It’s extremely important to give yourself time to grieve and feel the things you are feeling, Nancy says, no matter how “big” the situation is. Go at your own pace of recovery. You are not expected to grieve like anyone else.

You were rejected for a job/internship
Remember the importance of trying again and never giving up.

“There are legions of stories of authors or creative people or people trying for jobs who share stories of piles of rejections before they got success,” Nancy says.

Getting that dream job could take many years and many attempts — and that’s OK. Normal, even. Just make sure you get back in the saddle eventually.

As the friend: In this situation, it’s important to be a shoulder to cry on if needed, Nancy says. You can also help remind them about anything positive learned from the experience, be it a botched interview or typos on an application. Because even Steve Jobs needed that friend at some point.

You ended a relationship (especially if the relationship was unhealthy)
If you are broken up with, you have to learn to accept that you probably did all you could have done, Nancy says. If you broke up with someone, sometimes the hardest part is getting the other person to recognize that there isn’t a chance of getting back together.

As the friend: After some serious empathizing, try to help your friend see both the strengths and the weaknesses of the relationship, especially if your friend got out of an unhealthy, even abusive, relationship. Your friend may linger on the times the ex was sweet to him or her and forget to give the situation a more balanced view.

A death of someone close
It will hurt. Though it depends on the closeness of whoever passed away, try to find a balance between being easy on yourself and not expecting to do everything you ordinarily do.

“Most of us feel better to maybe compartmentalize things a bit,” Nancy says.

Ease yourself into grieving.

As the friend: Honestly share that you might not know what to say, Nancy says. But make sure your friend knows that you are there to listen to them, especially since some people may have delayed reactions to the news.