Delightful love

I will never forget the day we met in the grocery aisle. Some say love is the way you feel when you first lock eyes, and some say love is the way you feel when she’s gone. The day I met Little Debbie, I was in love, and I didn’t care who knew it!

Can you blame me? I mean, what other lady brings this much to the table? From Cosmic Brownies and Nutty Bars, to Oatmeal Creme Pies, Swiss Cake Rolls and Zebra Cakes, she is practically doing the Lord’s work.

However, it doesn’t take more than one listen to Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball” to realize that love can be truly detrimental. My love for Little Debbie was a secret and burning passion that deteriorated my health and well-being. After high school, I had to cut her off, and she would remain only a mere memory of my first love.

But hey, who am I to say she can’t visit every once in a while? And that’s exactly what she does every fall season, in the form of Pumpkin Delights.

When October arrives each year, it brings the two greatest things in this country of ours: playoff baseball and Little Debbie’s Pumpkin Delights. If you don’t follow baseball, it’s okay, my New York Yankees won the World Series again this year. If by the off chance you have been watching playoff baseball, have I mentioned how great Little Debbie’s Pumpkin Delights are?

I follow a pretty strict paleo diet these days, but every fall season, I ask myself, what caveman wouldn’t go for Pumpkin Delights? No caveman I know, that’s for sure.

After buying out the grocery store of their complete stock of Pumpkin Delights, I immediately drive home with the same overzealous intensity of Hank Schrader when he found out his charming brother-in-law was actually a ruthless mega-million dollar methamphetamine cook, but I digress.

When I get home, I turn down the lights and crank up Rod Stewart’s “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy.” For the rest of the article, I demand you play this song while you read it.

Then it’s sugar, sugar, ooh... don’t you just know exactly what I’m thinking? I rip off its plastic covering, its pumpkin face smiling at me — me smiling back. Man, I love the fall season.