Bringing it to the people

Indiana University’s favorite wandering preacher/religious zealot, Brother Jed Smock, may be heading to a television screen near you.

He has signed a pilot deal to shoot an episode of the tentatively titled “Brother Jed & Company” that would air between old Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley music videos on Country Music Television.

Though we don’t agree with Brother Jed’s evangelist assaults, the Editorial Board can’t help but hope to see some of these ridiculous plot lines on the potential series.

Make the gays hit us!

In this potential installment, Brother Jed & Company plot to rile up enough gays that one of them will eventually hit the preachers and they can blame it on the sin of homosexuality. Bonus points if Brother Jed can fake a burn when struck by the sinner who holds the devil in their soul.

What not to wear

Brother Jed & Company take a page out of TLC’s book and tell college students what they should not be wearing around campus.

Unwarranted fashion advice from a guy with a walking staff? We’re going to be so stylish and holy once they’re done with us!

Hose in the tailpipe

During this episode, Brother Jed & Company hit gas stations up and down the state, sticking gas pumps in the exhaust pipes of cars.

Brother Jed is known for using the gas pump/exhaust pipe metaphor when describing the “heinous acts” of homosexual males sodomizing. Because a 70-year-old preacher should be telling how and how not to have sex.

Live for the applause

This week, Brother Jed & Company will take popular songs like Lady Gaga’s “Applause” and change the lyrics so they can yell them at unassuming college
students.

We imagine it will go something like “Give me that thing that I love (Sinners burn in Hell), put your hands up, make ‘em touch, touch (you better pray now).”

Extremist support group

Brother Jed & Company meet up with the Traditionalist Youth Network and the Ku Klux Klan in order to band together in solidarity of their general douchebagery. Like in other support groups, the radicals will sit together in a circle, indulge in punch and cookies then proceed to share their feelings on being out-of-touch extremists.

Getting on the list

In the hopes of catching wild and crazy college students in action, Brother Jed & Company attempt to get on the Swiss List, a text-based IU party compilation, so that crazy sinning Hoosiers will drunkenly show up and be shown the light of Jesus.

Bonus points if they bring the leftover punch and cookies from the extremist support group.

­— opinion@idsnews.com
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