A column about nothing

My column this week is about nothing. That’s because I’m a white man.

Being a white man means all interesting and meaningful topics are off limits to me.

What license does a white guy have to comment on important social issues?

I have no ability to speak about racial issues in America.

I have no license to say that the N-word makes me uncomfortable. I have no understanding with which to say I think we undervalue our differences in favor of a “fairness” that keeps anyone from getting hurt, at the loss of truly expressing ourselves.

Let’s ignore the fact that although my skin is white, I identify as Jewish.

Let’s forget that as recently as the 1940s, Jews couldn’t work in America because of discrimination.

Let’s forget that, according to the United States Census Bureau, there are only five races. Those races are White, African American, American Indian, Asian or Pacific Islander.

Let’s close our eyes to the fact that those five categories fail to appreciate the fact that a white, Christian farmer from Nebraska and I are in the same category.

At least as a Jew my religious issues are fair game.

As a man, I have even less license to an opinion.

I can’t comment on the social pressures men put on women. I don’t know what it’s like to have my body examined and critiqued, nor do I understand what it’s like to feel restricted by social expectations and gender norms.

Of course, let’s not consider the 50 pounds I lost so I wouldn’t feel ashamed of my body. Ignore the thought that if I cry in front of anybody, I’m considered weak. Forget that if I don’t watch sports and live at the gym, I’m called a pussy.

Never mind that, as human beings, our brains need ways to distinguish the world around us, and gender is one of the most rudimentary ways of understanding what makes each of us individual. It isn’t sexism — it’s categorization. And that makes people uncomfortable.

As a man, there is nothing I can say that would get to the heart of a gender-related issue, because, as a man, I must be the one imposing sexist mentalities for the betterment of my world view.

The role of columnist is actually a consulting job. When a racial issue comes up, look to the people of color in the room. Questions about slut shaming? Ask a respectable woman.

Want to know what it’s like to walk down the street and listen to an iPod, I’m your guy. But please, please don’t cross those lines. I can only imagine the understanding and collaboration that would ensue.

­— azoot@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Austin Zoot on Twitter @austinzoot12.