The boobs that inspire me

I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent, goal-oriented young woman who is aware of the changing social dynamic of the female in the 21st century. I know the importance of maintaining the dignity and humanity of womankind against a heterosexual, male-dominated culture.

And yet, if the opportunity were presented to me right now, I would totally marry a billionaire.

Marrying rich would solve so many of my problems.

This is why a special place in my heart is reserved for Courtney Stodden. It’s the same place reserved for my love of potato chips dipped in potato salad and really tacky jewelry.

While I am not a religious Courtney Stodden aficionado, she is kind of hard to miss.
She married 51-year-old Doug Hutchinson at the ripe old age of 16, legality be damned, and has since become one of the oddest, train-wreck-iest types of tabloid darlings.

I’d thought her 15 minutes were up after that, but then I read an article recently saying that Courtney had gotten her boobs done.

This is when I started to form a real opinion about her. Of course, the reviews of Courtney’s boob job were rude, highly judgmental, and borderline inappropriate, as are the reviews of anyone in her situation.

But the more I thought about it, the more it began to bother me.

What people don’t seem to realize is how vastly intelligent Courtney is. She panders to the lowest, almost seediest audience, but it is on her terms.

She provides tabloid fodder, but capitalizes on it. Sources say she plans her “chance” run-ins with the paparazzi, and then splits the profit made from the circulation of her pictures.

And who doesn’t get a boob job these days? She gives her audience, us, exactly what we want.

We want to watch some bleach blonde bimbo in stripper heels convince us we are far more intelligent (intellectual, some would say, noses in the air) than those wacky Hollywood types.

Meanwhile, she sits in a million dollar home and laughs all the way to the bank.

Really, we’re all going to sit around and call her a slut for getting her boobs done because it’s fun. She is an entertainment piece, and she knows it.

What I love the most — and this can also apply to the Kardashians, the Lohans, the etc. — is that she realizes the power of her sexuality and the power of her femininity, and uses it.

She fully understands that she will be given flak for being the young blonde girl married to a billionaire, but instead of letting the media and Hollywood slut-shame her for providing much needed, lowest-common-denominator entertainment, she forces the media to work for her.

The paparazzi that follow her around are her lifeblood, as she has made the system make money for her.

While this isn’t necessarily a total endorsement of her choices and actions, I can only shrug my shoulders and say that if I were in her position, I hope I’d be as smart as she is.

Brava, Courtney.

­— ewenning@indiana.edu.
Follow columnist Emma on Twitter @emma_n_em