Is there a point to dating in college?

My grandmother likes to bring up a story every time my single relationship status is brought up.

She reminds me that two summers ago, a fortuneteller at Universal Studios Orlando told me that I would meet the love of my life when I was 25.

Honestly, I couldn’t have cared less. I was just itching to go back into the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. But she brought up an interesting point I’ve grappled with my whole collegiate career: is it really a productive use of anyone’s time to date monogamously while at college? Or should you wait until you’re lost in the throes of true adulthood?

I can’t speak for everyone’s experiences, but throughout freshman and sophomore years, I fail to come up with any worse circumstance than being tied down in a serious
relationship.

As you commence your higher education, your path is laid out in front of you with dashed lines. There’s a general life plan you can follow, but deviation from that plan isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It may even be encouraged in some places. But the fact remains that it is your path and yours alone.

The difficulties of stumbling upon your path are thorny enough, but having to do it with someone else’s feelings and emotions in tow?

That just seems messy.

College is also a time in your life where you’re encouraged and oftentimes expected to “find yourself,” whatever that actually means. Someone special to me recently pointed out that you determine many valuable things about yourself while in a relationship. Things you like and dislike in a partner, things you seek in others and things perhaps not compatible with your psyche. This is an occurrence I can’t argue with, seeing as I have very little relationship experience.

On principle, the idea of “looking for my other half” makes me physically ill. You are not half and you are not 50 percent. You are whole and you are 100 percent. So if you’re looking for your other half, then what you truly seek is the other half of yourself you haven’t come across yet.

If you come to college seeking that “other half,” maybe you need to take the time to date yourself. It sounds silly, and it is, but the most important relationship you will ever be in is the relationship you have with yourself.

Plus, even if someone is willing to date in college, they’ll probably sprint in the other direction if you mention they might be your other half.

Coming up into junior and senior years, you’ve hopefully taken the time to iron out all your personality quirks, hopes, dreams and expectations. By this time, and again and I can speak for myself, maybe you’ve reached the conclusion that it may be time to try out this whole monogamy thing the kids are into.

But then comes the scary part.

Graduation is on the horizon and almost in reach, which is downright terrifying.
So even now, is it smart to potentially fall hard for someone, only to be torn apart by circumstance and the reality of the adult world?

This is the part where your earlier years of self-discovery in a relationship with
yourself come in handy. If you’ve taken the time to find yourself, the answer will be easy. At least, it was for me.

I don’t know where the next week is going to take me, let alone the next five years.

But because I took the first few years of college to thoroughly sort through my own issues, sharing them with someone else doesn’t seem so daunting anymore.

­— wdmcdona@indiana.edu