In response to Michael Barbieri

Dear Michael Barbieri,

I will be brief — I know articles about sexual assault “are not met with the same degree of enthusiasm” for you as others.

You seem to believe that rape survivors share the blame because they have “a role to play” and that rapes can be avoided if the survivors had not played with fire.

You are participating in victim-blaming. 100 percent.

In no way whatsoever is a rape survivor responsible for being raped.

Nothing a rape survivor could have or could not have done justifies being raped.

The “reality” you envision insinuates that if a girl invites a stranger over, she should expect to have sex because that’s all men want.

This revolves around the assumption that men are superior to women, and that women are only here for men’s sexual desires, and furthermore that women should expect men to enact their sexual desires upon them, and if women don’t take precautions, they share the responsibility.

This is unfair, Michael. For men, for women, for society.

This encourages people to blame rape survivors for being raped. This encourages “don’t get raped” instead of “don’t rape.”

Your letter is cruel. I say this as a survivor of rape.

I am certain I speak for all survivors when I say that your words make our lives harder, because you have unearthed the aforementioned thinking.

I frequently ask myself: What if? What if instead of having him drive me home I had walked?

What if I had gone straight home after work instead of hanging out with friends?

What if I hadn’t told him, in response to his “I’m hungry,” that I had Pop-Tarts (for shame, the most childish food possible) in my room and he could have some? What if?

But it doesn’t matter.

No matter what, I didn’t deserve what happened, and I share zero of the blame.

Rape survivors share zero responsibility for being raped; insinuating or claiming otherwise perpetrates them further.

The only way to end rape culture is to not rape.

I hope you educate yourself and apologize for your words.

­— Rachel

Editor’s note:
Normally it is IDS policy to publish the first and last names of those who submit letters to the editor. However, in keeping with our code of ethics, we avoid publishing the full names of sexual assault victims. All anonymity decisions are made by the editor-in-chief in consultation with other editors.