First they came for the juggalos

Juggalos are devoted fans of rap duo Insane Clown Posse that dresses like clowns and poses a threat only to its own ears and dignity.

When we first heard the FBI had labeled the juggalos a gang, high fives went up around the room.

Then we realized how scary this actually is. The FBI, which is supposed to protect and serve the American people, just categorized a bunch of people as gang members based on their taste in music.

Maybe we can chalk this up to the general rise in the federal government’s surveillance of its own citizens.

The government targeted the phone, email and Internet activity of more than 40,000 Americans last year. Court orders for phone surveillance alone increased 47 percent between 2009 and 2011.

Or maybe this is just a continuation of the FBI’s long-heralded pastime of being suspicious of everyone and their cousin.

In a recent terrorist-catching scheme, the FBI tried to infiltrate California mosques.
During the 1960s, the bureau pursued Martin Luther King Jr. Two decades earlier, they opened a file on Ernest Hemingway.

To be fair, he might have been a threat to America’s rum supply.

No one wants to have their employment prospects or treatment at the hands of the law placed in jeopardy because of a band tattoo they got 15 years ago.

If so many Americans are subject to government suspicion, and on such silly grounds, can we even take the FBI seriously right now?

The FBI calling juggalos a gang seems to be the national equivalent of a high school principal banning hats and jewelry as gang symbols.

The FBI’s 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment describes juggalos as a “loosely organized hybrid gang” whose crimes are “sporadic, disorganized, individualistic and often involve simple assault, personal drug use and possession, petty theft and
vandalism.”

That sounds less like a description of a gang than a description of a bunch of rap fans who might have some minor criminals among their ranks.

True to its street-tough roots, Insane Clown Posse is doing what any hardcore gang would do after being dissed: hiring an attorney, filing a lawsuit against the FBI and asking why Jimmy Buffett’s Parrot Heads, Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters, Justin Bieber’s Beliebers and the Grateful Dead’s Deadheads aren’t gangs, too.

This leaves us wondering if the three-ring circus is at an Insane Clown Posse show or FBI headquarters.