5-Hour Energetics

Well, looks like it’ll be another late night for me. Yes, it seems an overabundance of homework and a multitude of extracurricular activities have once again landed me in the middle of that age-old battle between sleep and productivity.

There’s really no win in this situation. If I stay up and do my work, I’ll be a zombie tomorrow. My brain will be so dull I won’t even be able to come up with uninspired metaphors like the one I just used.

On the other hand, if I don’t do my work, I’ll fall even further behind in class and will have that much more work to do later.

If only there were some sort of magical potion I could drink to instantly give me a decent amount of energy. Not enough for all day, but maybe just a few hours worth. Maybe like five solid hours of energy, and then I could go back to being tired. Yeah, that would be perfect.

What is it about 5-hour Energy that impresses us so much? Is it the taste? The tiny bottle?

No, it’s the concept of instant energy. Nowadays, people seem to be working somewhere between 22 to 26 hours a day, and they need fuel to keep them going, but they aren’t doing it the natural way anymore. That would take too long.

When I say the “natural way,” I’m referring to outdated techniques such as getting a good amount of sleep, eating nutritious and well-proportioned meals and exercising regularly. These habits have simply fallen out of practice for many Americans who now turn to coffee, energy drinks and energy bars to supply their drive during the day.

With products like these, I’d be a little worried if I were in the sleep industry. Sleep is going the way of the newspaper companies, which went the way of the dodo bird, which went the way of the dinosaurs, which went the way of my train of thought.

As intriguing as the idea of energy in a bottle might sound, I’ve learned over the years that nature is never wrong, although people sometimes make mistakes. Maybe a shot of 5-hour Energy can help you get through a rough day every once in a while, but a reliance on these types of products just can’t be good in the long-run.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this column, but I’d better excuse myself now. You see, I’ve got a busy day coming up tomorrow and I need to get some sleep if I want to be at my best. Good night.

­— aleblakl@indiana.edu