The Star Spangled Hammered

Oh, say I can see by my phone’s green light,
That my class is to start, and my paper needs printing,
Choose the cleanest T-shirt and grab the pants from the floor,
O’er to Jordan I run, where I wearily creep in.
But the prof’s steely glare, run a hand through my hair,
Gave proof to the class that there is no give there;
Oh, how long till she stops sneering at me,
And what will I do when the paper is due?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Is a lake named Griffy where the students go hiking,
It is cool and calm there, especially late at night,
On the rocks we can watch, the stars above us gleaming.
And the lights over there, just a joint’s red glare,
Oh say do those stoners have to stare?
Their eyes are sleepy and kind of scare me.
It’s just the start of this night, I need some caffeine,
O’er to the V.P. for some drinks and maybe string cheese.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
To play through the night, ‘til the dawn’s bright light.
The back door transformed, to hold the beer pong,
The RA is now splayed upon the couch passed out.
And the ring of the door is the cop from next door.
From the terror of flight, don’t run on sight,
You’ll fall in those 3 inch heels or run into a tree.
Alas, I am 21, so that doesn’t concern me.

On the sidewalk I stroll, from the party I roam,
The fraternity boys all sway and bemoan.
Their heads all spin, when that last shot kicks in,
To their futons they march, with a wish of a fresh start.
Then conquer we must, for our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In Advil we trust.”
Oh, say will my next-door neighbor really care,
If I fall in her yard and just sleep there?