Online only: A few things on my mind

As a Friday columnist, it is really hard to imagine a large readership the day before spring break. Classes have visibly emptied out throughout the week, and there are very few of us left to populate campus.

Therefore, I have decided to use my column to allow you all a brief glimpse inside my head. Admittedly, my mind represents a whirlwind of free association, attention deficit disorder and a willingness to let my thoughts run recklessly free. So, without further adieu, let’s jump into the maelstrom that is my mind.

HOOK-UPS, DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS:
Friends like to use the line, “I hope I find someone just like you, but not you,” on each other. That’s kind of like telling someone, “You’re just not attractive enough.”

There should be overarching social etiquette and rules concerning dating and going “number two.” Specifically, when does it become okay to do so? If everyone poops, why do we choose to suffer rather than succumb to nature’s call?

Drunken college kids should abandon the scale of one to 10 and adopt a zero to one scale. It’s clean, simple and cuts exactly to the heart of the issue. Unless you’re handing out ribbons, a scale of one to 10 is just too cluttered. If a friend declares someone a “6,” do I stop them or let them go? With zero to one, the answer is clear. Just remember that a tie always goes to the one.

TRANSPORTATION:
Has anybody else realized that they are exactly the type of driver they hate as a pedestrian and the type of pedestrian they hate as a driver?

While I’ve tried to give up texting while driving completely, I’ve noticed I’ve started getting really excited at red lights. Finally, I have the chance to read and reply to my messages.

MISCELLANEOUS:
There should be a radio station on which every song must be connected to the previous one. For example, “Heartless” begets “Knock You Down” via Kanye West and so on. At least DJs would have to be creative in their programming instead of incessantly playing the same five songs.

Finally, I wish they made adult-sized footy pajamas with light-up shoes. If it’s wrong to still take pleasure in the simple joys of childhood, I don’t want to be right. Saturday morning cartoons and blanket forts are the best.

Sure, some of my thoughts are shallow, immature or — in some cases — just wrong. But hey, you have to dig a lot of holes to find that buried treasure, right?


E-mail: smech@indiana.edu