20 fun, fearless ways to scare your man

A group of friends and I recently trolled through www.cosmopolitan.com in search of our daily horoscopes.

Although quite ambiguous, shallow and often not that horoscope-y (“Saturn reminds you to get the most for your money by checking for any perks that your bank or credit card account offers”), they are nonetheless a source of entertainment.  

After getting our fix, we continued to surf and happened upon a gem of an article.

With its promising title, “20 Fun, Fearless Ways to Help You Meet a Man,” the article seemed to be an educational tool for meeting that special someone.

While technically on the market, I am by no means ready to settle down with anyone.

However, I never pass up an opportunity to fantasize about an original meet-cute.

Cosmopolitan is not renowned for its ability to give substantial advice. It caters to women (and sometimes men) seeking sex advice. Knowing this, I still naively continued on, preparing myself for some great material.

I expected to find a multitude of exciting and adventurous ideas. Co-ed book clubs, trapeze classes, wine and cheese nights — the possibilities seemed endless!

The only endless thing I found was the amount of sad scenarios in which women lie to or trick a man in hopes of forming a lasting connection.

After clicking through the various ideas, my friends and I classified the 20 ways as not fun and fearless, but rather terrifying and psychotic.

Cosmopolitan was instructing females to meet men by talking to them under false pretenses, lying about their ability to do things or feigning interest in something meaningful as a ploy to seem sexier.

God forbid we let romantic connections happen honestly.

The scenarios the magazine suggested to women are desperate and insulting. Not to mention most of them are entirely unrealistic.

I took time to jot down my favorite “fearless” ideas and analyze how they would play out in my own life.

Here they are:
1. “Add Him to Your Photo Album”

Take a picture with a cute guy and ask for his e-mail address so you can send him the picture. I feel awkward asking for phone numbers so this one is a no.

2. “Invite Him to Escort You”

Pretend you can’t find your way and ask a man to point you, or better yet
escort you, in the right direction.

With my luck the guy would gallantly lead me in the wrong direction and catch on to my ruse when I begin to correct him. He abandons me and I’m left farther away from my destination than when I started.

3. “Take Him Out For a Drink”

Order two drinks at the bar. Walk up to a hot guy and offer him one, claiming the bartender messed up your order. I guarantee that I would walk away with a weird look, no number and less money for alcohol to drown my sorrows with.

4. “Write Him an I.O.U.”

This one is fearless namely because it’s illegal. Write your good-looking waiter an I.O.U. for the bill in the form of your phone number. A romantic dine and dash if you will.

5. “Volunteer Your Time”

This one takes the cake. Cosmo tells us that a recent study proves that being altruistic makes you seem sexier. For that reason, we should all volunteer. Finally a legitimate reason for helping others.

If these are the only ways to meet men, then count me out.

And yet, I cannot help but wonder if this article was created out of need. Are women so frustrated with a lack of male attention that an article advocating lying to get said attention has become necessary?

I think most women want a man who is confident enough to reciprocate interest if he has it, not one who would rather us play dumb or perform outlandish attention-getters to score a date.

Some of us feel comfortable asking out men, but it is nice when we’re pursued by the opposite sex.

So that’s why I’m asking men of the world to have more initiative. Take a leap of faith if you think a woman is interested in you. Perhaps then articles that insult my intelligence and question my sanity will cease to be written.


E-mail: abeander@indiana.edu