Interning 101: Managing free time

Let’s talk about free time, cause I get a lot of that.

Keeping busy is probably the hardest task for an intern. I admit there will be some days where you are smothered with work.

It will feel like your supervisor is holding a pillow to your face, gently whispering “go to sleep, grandpa.”

But for a majority of the time you’ll be counting the dots on the ceiling tiles.

Unfortunately, if your office is as small as mine, you can finish that within a few days. So what’s the best way to waste your time?

The internet is a vast wonderland filled with pictures of cute cats and videos of women that might not be safe for work.

I log onto Facebook frequently, about eight times an hour. I creep on the same six girls to see if they have new suggestive pics. If I find a good album, I’ll tweet it to all my bros back home.

I update my status because I’m bored, and I’m bored because I’m updating my status.

It’s a never-ending cycle of poor time management.

I look at my profile constantly. I change my profile pic every Monday to a new photo of me and a bunch of other people. This lets everyone know that I am a big deal.

For that same reason, I only keep myself tagged in pictures that make me look hot.

Every Thursday I make sure to redo my entire info section to keep it fresh and hilarious.

When I’m not starting awkward conversations on Facebook chat with girls, I’m searching for pictures of cats. One day last week when all of my supervisors were out of the office, I watched videos of Maru, a cat from Japan, for more than an hour.  Nothing is funnier than a fat cat jumping into tiny boxes.

If I can make it to lunch without falling asleep, I take my food to the break room and listen to a “This American Life” podcast. Not because it’s the greatest radio show of the decade, but because I have a serious man crush on Ira Glass’s voice.

While I eat my lunch, I like to work on a graphic novel of Ira and me going on a road trip across America.

It’s a strictly platonic, heterosexual, male bonding, not gay and totally straight coming-of-age story. I swear.

Moving on — every 30 minutes I leave the office to check out the bathroom. There’s nothing exciting going on in there, but there are full body mirrors and the thickest two-ply toilet paper. I spend a lot of time sitting in the stall listening to rap, but eventually I have to flush and get back to my desk.

For my last hour in the office I typically sift through paperwork and look up contact information for databases.

I’ll answer calls then fail at transferring them to the appropriate supervisor.

Maybe I’ll do some research here and there and probably write a memo. You know, work.


E-mail: nicjacob@indiana.edu