Jordan Romero is the coolest

At 6:18 a.m. New Delhi time Saturday, a 16-year-old broke the world record for being the youngest person to conquer Mt. Everest. Arjun Bajpai accomplished the feat after taking courses at the Nehru Mountaineering Institute in India and was assisted by 12 experienced climbers, including a Sherpa who was on his 20th ascent.

A few hours later, Jordan Romero, a 13-year-old adrenaline junkie from Big Bear, Calif., broke Bajpai’s record. Romero was aided by three Sherpas and his father. As soon as he got to the top, Romero pulled out a satellite phone and said, “Mom, I’m calling you from the top of the world.”

The first thing I thought when I heard this news was, “How come that kid gets reception on the summit of Mt. Everest, but I can’t get 3G in my third-story apartment?”

Better yet, what was in Bajpai’s head when he found out he was beaten by a prepubescent American boy with loaded parents? The guy didn’t even get to relish his achievement. Before he even made it back down the slope, his record was smashed.

Imagine Bajpai at the base of the mountain, getting bro-hugged by his Sherpa. A camera crew from CNN runs up to him for a quote. He’s chatting with Anderson Cooper about how important it is to set goals when Romero parachutes onto the scene, letting out a high-pitched warrior screech.

Romero lands close to Bajpai and opens a can of Red Bull, saying, “’Sup Arjay?”

The New Delhi boy holds up a trophy, yelling, “I just broke a world record!”

“Really? How old are you?” Romero wraps his arm around Bajpai’s shoulder as if to say, “We’ve done it!” to the cameras.

“I am 16 years old,” Bajpai says, wondering why some little kid is touching him.

“Actually, I just broke your record. I’m 13.” Romero then pulls the trophy out of Bajpai’s hands and peaces out.

Or at least that’s how I envisioned that awkward moment.

Romero has been mocking the dreams of indigenous mountainside youths for years. When he was just 10 years old, he scaled the highest mountains in Africa, Europe and Australia. In 2008, he broke records on both of the Americas’ tallest peaks.

His next goal is to become the youngest to scale Mt. Vinson Massif, the highest mountain in Antarctica, this winter. After that, he gets to rub it in the face of Johnny Collinson, a 17-year-old who became the youngest to complete the Seven Summits challenge this January.

Jordan Romero would be a terrible person to see at a house party. He’d butt into your story about Hoosier Heights and tell everyone how he climbed the tallest mountain in the world before his mom would let him watch MTV, and how it was “no big deal.”

This kid is called a one-upper; he feeds his ego by minimizing the accomplishments of others. For breaking a world record immediately after someone else did, Jordan Romero receives the award for the Greatest One-Up of 2010.


E-mail: nicjacob@indiana.edu