How WEEKEND does summer music fests

Don’t forget a towel.

It’s 2:30 p.m. on the first day of Bonnaroo. My festival-going companions and I have been waiting in a line of cars for three hours, and we have another five hours ahead of us. It’s hot. Our van doesn’t have air conditioning. The mad, adventurous spirit we hit the road with the night before is starting to fade as we move at a snail’s pace.

“Should I break out the Towlie costume?” my friend in the seat next to me inquires. I open one napping eye and nod.

Fifteen minutes later, my friend, dressed as Towlie, the fan-adored character from South Park, is surfing on top of our van “Teen Wolf”-style as people around us cheer him on from their cars. A shirtless kid in cutoff jeans is tossing him a Frisbee. Phoenix’s “1901” is blaring on our stereo, and we’ll listen to it 10 more times before we make it inside.

That Towlie costume, a last-second addition to our Bonnaroo gear, ended up setting the tone for the four greatest festival days of our lives.

In honor of that costume, I’ve devised a short do’s and don’ts list of things to pack for summer music festivals. You won’t find these tips on the “What to Bring” webpage for Lollapalooza, Summer Camp or Sasquatch, but they’ll definitely help you maximize your festival enjoyment.

DO BRING:

-- All the beer you can sneak in. A bottle of cheap wine will cost you $24 inside Lollapalooza. Beer’s about eight bucks. The highest cost you’ll pay for getting caught is losing a few cans of PBR to a security guard.

-- Clothes you’re willing to lose. As tempted as you might be to show off your hipster cred with a Captain Beefheart shirt, mud, sweat, and drug-induced freakouts that leave you waking up naked in a field all equal bad news for clothing. Leave it at home.

-- A camera (duh), but only for one day. You’ll definitely want to snap some pictures to remember the experience, but this way you minimize your chances of losing it in a Flogging Molly mosh pit.  

-- A costume. Everyone wants to be friends with the guy dressed up as Hunter S. Thompson.

DON’T BRING:

-- A sense of shame. Remember that old man who looked like a shirtless Santa Claus on acid who was trying to start a dance circle at noon the first day? He definitely left his shame at home, and I can guarantee you he was enjoying himself. I’m not saying you should renounce all your worldly possessions and start gobbling LSD, but definitely let loose. Dance your ass off in public, yell along to the lyrics and bond with strangers over a love for the same band.

Music festivals are unique worlds where social norms don’t apply, so don’t be self-conscious if you haven’t showered or slept for three days and you look like a hobo. Neither has anyone else. Really, to have a good time, your sense of shame is the only thing you need to leave at home.