The end of the universe as we know it

I tend to side with the belief that the end of the universe rests in the end of all possibilities existing within the framework of our own imaginations. If I’m right, then I have just found the end of the known universe, and it exists within the frameworks of a social network.

Apparently, there is a new social networking site called Sparkpeople.com, a site for people looking to lose weight.

They log in and join groups and are able to swap goals and tips while also being exposed to blog posts written by certified trainers.

In essence, it’s the Facebook of fitness.

Now, I really have nothing against the idea of the site because making the decision to lose weight and change your lifestyle is honorable, but what I have a problem with is combining the idea of losing weight and being active with the laziest form of technology out there: social networking Web sites.

They have online discussions, and I’d like to start one of my own, titled, “Tell me how many calories you could have burned in the time it took you to respond to this discussion question ...”

Now, I am in no way a beacon of fitness. I love food, food loves me, and my glorious love handles are the evidence of the lustful and wildly experimental relationship food and I share. But even I’m aware that ways to lose weight do not include sitting behind a computer, talking to people you don’t know about how hard it is to lose the very weight you’re accumulating as you sit idly typing.

These are the same people who think “Wii Fit” is a legitimate form of exercise.

People will tell me to think of it like a support group with like-minded people supporting each other as they lose weight in a stress free, non-judgmental setting.

True, but then who is going to pressure you into weight loss by pushing society’s norms on you?

There’s no trainer named Stan yelling in your ear about how worthless you are.

Anyone who has been in this situation hates it, but you fit into that bikini for beach season (even if it was just alone in my room ... wait, did I type that out loud?).

Let’s be honest here, we want to lose weight because people like Stan have conditioned us to believe that we want to live long, healthy lives eating Lean Cusine’s plastic dishes and hating carbohydrates.

I would much rather shave 15 years off my life by enjoying a frequent meal of BBQ smoked ribs and French fries than live a longer life eating peas. I hate peas.

So to the users of Sparkpeople, log off. If listening to society judge your worth by your clothing size isn’t part of the weight loss plan, and you’re just using it to meet other people who are too lazy to actually exercise, join Twitter.

Losing weight by itself is an overrated societal acceptance tool, just like Twitter.


E-mail: henrgree@indiana.edu