V-DAY: An ode to the bad hookup

You wake up in a strange room. There’s someone lying next to you, but there’s no way you’re going to look over to see who it is. You probably wouldn’t recognize their face anyway.

You creep out of the bed and slip on the crumpled jeans you left on the dirty floor. With your jacket thrown directly over your T-shirt, you make a beeline for the door.

Now is the start of an arduous trek: 10 slinking blocks to your house while the sun is just beginning to peek over the horizon.

You unlock your front door and jump straight into the shower. You pray your dignity doesn’t wash off with all the other grime.

If this has never happened to you, kudos. May you have a long and healthy existence. But if this sounds familiar, then congratulations! You’ve had the displeasure of a bad hookup. Welcome to the club so many of us regret joining.

The veterans out there shouldn’t need any advice on this situation. Your coping mechanisms are probably in place, and you know how to work past any lingering issues. As for the newbies, a few pointers.

First, don’t freak out. You might not be proud of what you’ve done, but it wasn’t “wrong.” With a little luck, you won’t have any outward signs (hickeys, scratches, pink eye) that anything has happened.

Second, ideally, only two people should know about it. You’ll want to keep it that way. If your emotions are all over the place, feel free to confide in someone you trust. Just be sure to keep the number of people in the know as small as you can.

Most importantly, you’re entitled to the mistake. You’re not the only one out there who has had a good time turn into a bad memory. This isn’t the end-all of your existence. It’s simply something you did that was out of the norm, like hang-gliding or going to the circus.

This is your life. Take some steps into new territories. If you wind up making a regrettable decision or two along the way, take it as the learning experience it is and move on. You’ll be better off in the long run.

Just don’t make a habit of it.