Resume building 101

So there I was, finishing up the final touches on my application for my summer job while simultaneously reading an interesting story on CNN.com. The story discussed the recent surge in bizarre talents written on people’s resumes. Specifically, it said that what you might think are interesting tidbits for employers can, and will, hurt your chances of being employed.

I began to panic and question some of the decisions on my own application. Yet, after about six hours of waffling between the decision to keep or leave off my accomplishment of finishing the fabled two-and-a-half pound burger at a restaurant in Minnesota, I realized I was just kidding myself. Of course I would keep it. That article was garbage.

Case in point, the article mentions someone who wrote on their resume that they had been champion at a hog-wrestling competition, and that this had been a mistake. When asked why, the employer remarked that they simply didn’t see the relevance of such information.

What’s the relevance? Are you kidding me? How about perseverance? A drive to succeed? A knowledge of the finer points of swine takedown techniques, perhaps?

Have you ever tried to take down a hog? It’s not as easy as it looks, and I don’t even think it looks easy.

As if this atrocity weren’t enough, the article goes on. It tells applicants to focus on academic achievements and GPA, while ignoring other, more “bizarre” talents and skills. Where and when does my GPA reflect my ability to recite every line from the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (obviously showing off a clear understanding of memorization techniques and public speaking skills ... I’m just saying)?

The article discusses having full disclosure and avoiding undisclosed gaps in employment history, but not every employer will understand the year off I took to try and find Carmen Sandiego.

It says to avoid spelling and grammar mistakes, witch is redickulos beecuz sumtymes mi spel chek broke.

It says to avoid things like narcissism and to have a little bit of humility. I say the heck with that. I’m too awesome for humility.

But while we’re supposed to leave off things such as those listed above, the article still tells us to include our “passions” and things that separate us from other applicants. Are we then to assume that when applying to work for a lumber company, someone who claims to have a “passion” for beating small wildlife animals senseless is being more “relevant” than someone who holds records on four arcade games at his local Chuck E. Cheese’s?

That Dance Dance Revolution game is tougher than any board room I’ll ever sit in. I’m just saying.


E-mail: henrgree@indiana.edu