Korean showdown

Last week South Korea took its place as the newest member of an exclusive club of nations. Other members include club include the former Soviet Union, Iran and the United States. There’s only one criterion for admission.

The country has to threaten a pre-emptive attack on another.

During the opening speech of an economic forum held last Wednesday, the South Korean Minister of Defense, Kim Tae-Young, made the galling remarks that “even though controversy ... exists, there is a theory that allows a first strike” and that, if pressed by actions from the North, South Korea would have “no choice but to strike first.”

Don’t worry, though. He added a small caveat that said the South would only attack first if “the North shows an obvious intention to attack with its nuclear weapons.” Thank goodness no one has ever tried to use that excuse to start a war before.

It seems the Korean peninsula got flipped upside down with the beginning of the new year. North Korea has begun to show a renewed interest in finally signing a peace treaty to end the 60-year stalemate, while the South has started talking about wiping its neighbor off the map.

Maybe it’s no surprise that South Korea decided to take this position. After all, it’s been in a state of perpetual war with the North since the beginning of the 1950s. And with North Korea testing its first nuke in 2006, the real surprise is that this hasn’t been its stance before now.

Let me put a different spin on it for you, though. Imagine you’re having a party at your place. South Korea shows up, and you’re stoked because he tells great jokes and isn’t afraid to throw down some money for drinks.

Not long after, North Korea skulks in. You didn’t really want to invite him, but you had to because he did that favor for your cousin a while back. He’s not causing any trouble, though, so you just leave him to sit alone in that chair in the corner.

After a few hours, South Korea hits the belligerent phase. He threatens to kick the tochus of everyone around him. And now he’s got North Korea in his sights.

So I say to South Korea: Don’t be that guy. Take it easy. Remember back when Kim Dae Jung was your president and you tried to get along with the North?

You need to put these 60-year-old grudges behind you. All this military posturing draws attention, but it doesn’t do anything to further your goals. You used to say that peace and brotherhood with North Korea were among your top priorities. Don’t let the day-to-day craziness of being a modern nation pressure you into acting rashly.